Stalking The Stalker

When you realize that an abusive ex-boyfriend is sending your naked photos to coworkers and pretending to be you, there are a few initial responses that go through your mind:

a. Drive to his house, bust out his windows and go crazy.

b. Pack up your stuff, quit your job, and never look back.

c. Do nothing, because he will get away with whatever he wants to do to you.

Now, I’ve already punched out one window in my life and I’d like to keep it at that.  As far as quitting and running away, I’ve done that too, and the “do nothing” option goes against everything I’ve fought to regain since running away.

It was time to turn the tables and start stalking the stalker.  All I could think was “You don’t get to do this to me.”

It was only a matter of time before everyone at work would see those photos—I had to get ahead of the situation because someone in my position can’t have an Anthony Weiner reputation and still keep her job.  Once I’d gotten over the initial shock and sent a profane-laden text to my friend A, I left a message with Internal Affairs, telling them I had to file a report of workplace violence and sexual harassment.

Then I trudged over to my boss’ doorway and gave a series of slow, awkward knocks.

Let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like sitting across the desk from the Executive Director—a man who took a chance on hiring you for a job you’re not qualified for– and telling him that your ex-boyfriend from six months ago—who is also one of his employees, and has worked there for three decades—is sending naked photos of you to all of his other staff.

It was humiliating.

When I finished talking, he was very quiet.  I waited for him to declare me an embarrassment to our organization, but instead he pulled out some very vintage curse words and reassured me that I was not the only person in the room who’d gotten involved in a messy situation with a coworker.

A few days later, a rep from Internal Affairs launched an investigation into my ex and I got to tell my whole sordid and shameful story into a tape recorder.  They spoke with several other employees and though these interviews were supposed to be confidential, the word got out.  Within two days, the entire hospital knew about my naked photo scandal. 

The investigator waited to speak to my ex until the last possible moment and advised me not to show up to work, just in case.  I spent that day visiting my cop-brother who’d just had major spine surgery and was high as a kite on pain pills.  He spent most of his time writing long essays on Facebook about how his wife was annoyed with him and could someone please bring him Pop-tarts and Fruit Roll Ups.  I’d never told any of my four older brothers about my ex, but I figured the safety net of narcotics was like a free pass and he’d probably forget the conversation as soon as it happened.

I glossed over the details of my nudity and gave him a brief overview.  Drugged or not, he was horrified and told me I had to immediately file a police report to establish a pattern of behavior.

“Pieces of shit like that don’t go away.  He’ll stay on a cycle of coming back around and messing with you until you do something to stop him.”

The next day, I filed two police reports and the officer told me it was the “the worst case of stalking and intimidation” that she’d seen in her career.  Her lieutenant later called and asked for an additional written statement because my ex had all the markers and warning signs of a mass killer.

Awesome.

Both officers repeatedly advised me to file for a restraining order.  I went to the courthouse and was given a court date for a Monday two weeks in the future.  The Internal Affairs investigation continued to drag on.  The Friday before I was due to appear in court, the investigator showed up at my office and shut the door.

“Aussa.  Do you have a plan in place to keep yourself safe?”

I just stared at him.

“I can’t compromise the confidentiality of my report, but I feel like I need to warn you… because it doesn’t look good.  There’s no doubt in my mind that he did this, but we can’t prove it.  It’s your word against his and he says you sent the photos in order to frame him.  He’s going to get away with it.  You need to make a plan to keep yourself safe for afterwards.”

I felt helpless.  I’d be up against this same “my word against his” argument at the restraining order hearing and I had absolutely no proof.  All I had was the cell phone number that had sent the photos and it went to voicemail when I called it.  I knew from working at AT&T that the voicemail recording was not that of a major cell company and was mostly likely a pre-paid burner phone and totally untraceable.

This was a situation that could only be handled by my inner Liam Neeson.

It was 3PM on a Friday, which meant no one was doing anything at work.  I went to my friend’s office and consulted Wikipedia for a list of pre-paid phone companies in the United States.  I googled the ones I recognized from gas stations and grocery stores, dialed their 1-800 numbers and was greeted by an automated voice.  I’d type in the unknown number that’d sent my nude photos and hear a robot say “Sorry, the number you listed cannot be found, please try again.”

I called Cricket.

I called Boost Mobile.

I call AT&T Go Phone.

I called TracPhone.

Over and over they said variations of the same thing.  “Sorry, the number you listed cannot be found, please try again.”

He was going to get away with it.

I called Virgin Mobile, typed in the number, and waited for the familiar rejection.

“Thank you, we transferring you to an account representative.”

Oh. My. God.

My coworker and I stared at each other in shock.  All we’d learned was that it was a Virgin Mobile phone number, but it was a start.

A customer service rep greeted me and asked for the name on the account.  I guessed my ex’s name first.

“No, sorry I’m seeing a different name.”

 “Aussa Lorens?”

“No…”

I laughed as though I were embarrassed.

“Sorry,” I lied, “it was a gift, I don’t know what name he put it under.”

“Let’s see if you can answer the security question—what’s the name of your pet?”

“Timber,” I answered, naming my ex’s dog.

“No…”

I laughed again.

“I have too many pets.  Try Zola.”

The rep sounded relieved when he told me I’d answered correctly.  I couldn’t believe my ex had actually set the security questions with my personal information.  What a moron.

“What can I help you with?”

I stayed with my initial story of having received the phone as a gift and asked casual questions about the balance and expiration date.

“I don’t feel like I’ve used it that much,” I fake disputed, “Can I get a copy of my texting and call records?”

They couldn’t access the information and referred me to their website, where I could login using a 6 digit code from the back of the phone package.

“Oops,” I said, “I threw that away.  I didn’t know I was supposed to keep it.”

“We can just send it to your phone as a text message.”

Oh God, please no— he’d see this and know that I was onto him.

“Actually, I’m calling from work and I’m not allowed to have my phone on me.  Is there any other way?”

They agreed to e-mail it to the address they had on file—so long as I could confirm it.  I started with my work e-mail.

“Is it alorens@XXXXXX.com?”

“Oh,” they said, “we have a typo.  Somehow we got another letter after the A.”

Back in the day, work e-mail addresses included our middle initials.  That had changed before I started working there, but my ex must not have realized that when he was setting the account up to look like it was mine.

“We’ve got that all fixed now,” the account rep said, “You should receive your pin here in the next few minutes.”

I hung up the phone, checked my e-mail, and there it was.  I clicked the link and was routed to VirginMobile’s website.  I typed in the cell phone number and the pin I’d just received and hit “login.”  I waited as the screen buffered.  A Welcome message popped up, introducing me to my new online account.  There was a row of tabs at the top, full of account information and call records.

He wasn’t going to get away with it.

(Part One: HERE)          (Part Five: HERE)

(Part Three: HERE)     (Part Six: HERE)

(Part Four: HERE)            (Part Seven: HERE)

Conclusion: HERE

Have you ever turned the tables on someone who’s wronged you?  Has lying ever gotten you the information you were looking for? What truths have you uncovered by digging into phone records?

Comments

  1. says

    Wow – this is a full on story Aussa. It makes me feel so much rage toward him but I’m positive he underestimated your response to his behavior. This is like a mini-mystery!! Is there a third installment?!

    • says

      Yes! There will definitely be a third installment. Actually… there will be a couple more because this whole situation just wouldn’t go away for like a year and a half– enough horror to warrant several blog posts.

  2. says

    Way to go Liam Neeson! I still don’t think I would have suvived such an ordeal, let alone know how to dig my way out of it. If I ever need to catch a stalker, I’m going to look you up. (you could probably make a career out of those skills)

  3. says

    Personally, I have not…hubs however, he got dicked over by a boss…really bad..hubs worked long and hard over the course of a year to get even. All he had to do was expose this guy for the thief and liar that he is and it ended up with this guy owing millions in fines and lawyer fees.

    Hubs is a nice guy. He’s a great guy…but it’s not a good idea to screw him over.

  4. Callie says

    For what it’s worth, not long after I started working at my current job, I was home sick one day and googled my name. Wouldn’t you know it had somehow become attached to a porn site? I was horrified, especially since my name isn’t ‘Jane Smith’ and my boss attends conferences around the world. last thing I needed was someone saying something to him in front of everyone at the 10 am coffee break.

    I sucked up my pride, went to the office ‘social media’ guru after 5 the next day and told him my sad story. He was very nice and told me if I could hang on two weeks they would clear their cache and it would go away. He also told me to stop googling it compulsively, because that just made it pop up more. Fortunately he turned out to be right.

    I also had something else more similar to your experience happen…but that’s a story for another day.

    So sorry that happened to you. I understand! xo

    • says

      No no no. That is so awful, Callie. Did you ever find out who had uploaded you to that site? I’m glad that it eventually went away but that is an absolute worst nightmare come true. There should be some sort of “free pass” retaliation to use against lowlifes who do such things.
      And oh, I understand “a story for another day” and I’m sorry to hear that you relate to this on multiple levels! Hopefully you’ve come through all of it alright!

  5. says

    Wow. I am glad your boss took this seriously. While it is hard to deal with everyone else knowing the story, it shows more of what an asshole he is. And I don’t know why I didn’t think of IA earlier.

    Also very glad you got the heads up on keeping safe, or staying safer than usual.

    My ex-husband hid all the phone bills for years. I thought Alltel (then Verizon) was screwing me over by not sending the bills (way back before internet bill pay and online records) and I would call and get pissed that “obviously they aren’t sending them to the right address”. I was such an idiot, but I was in a great deal of denial too.

    • says

      It was pretty incredible how so many people responding with
      “be safe” sorts of responses– they were incredibly helpful on several levels. I think his behavior was just so so erratic that everyone knew it was something that had to be taken seriously.
      Your Verizon bills story makes me sad. And angry. That is so so common. I am glad he is an ex-husband. I’ve seen so many friends go through this and remember lots of similar experiences while working at AT&T. Grrr.

  6. says

    That’s some great sleuthing there, Aussa. Your situation is exactly the sort of scary scenario that no person should have to endure. Just reading it is hard. It makes me so mad. Your police officer brothers probably want to kill him, unless I’m just freaky.

    • says

      No, you are not freaky at all. Even my boss (who is as left and as pacifist as they come) said “Don’t you have older brothers? Can’t they go talk to him with baseball bats?”

      I didn’t tell my brothers about this until about a year later when it was continuing to go on… and even then I had to leave out the details of the abuse/nakedness. They are still my brothers, after all. They’d be torn between honor-killing me in the backyard and risking prison for the sake of revenge. Sometimes I think it is a heavy burden to tell people about things that they can’t help.

  7. says

    That is so scary! Has it resolved itself? I hope so. Personally, I think my investigative skills are pretty good… I need them to be for the work I do. Sometimes, you don’t even need to tell an untruth; rather, just don’t correct the assumptions that people have made.

  8. says

    And then what happened!!??? As I was reading, Doc said, “What are you reading? Your eyes are all bugged out and your mouth is wide open!” (he has a way with the sweet talk, that one). I cannot WAIT to find out what happens next!!

    • says

      Haha! That makes me so happy that I made your eyes bug and your mouth go wide! I sometimes wish we could record our faces while reading each other’s posts… that would certainly be amusing. And frightening at times.

  9. says

    Well, Detective Lorens :)

    I couldn’t go with option A because depending on how upset I was, I may not stop with the windows, so I would really have to leave that alone. Plus, red is my favorite color and all, but I am pretty sure I don’t look good in blood. Just saying.

    I refused to go with option B because he controlled me long enough, He wasn’t taking that away, too. Sure it made me extra neurotic for the first several months, but I got over it. Now I’m only neurotic sometimes, but it’s usually pretty blatant when I am. I am not sure which is worse. Small continuous doses or periods of long calm shattered by the crazy busting out the closet with the force of a bullet train.

    Option C depends on a very important factor that has hindered me before. Are his buddies, his birds of a feather that crap on others together, people who can and have in multiple instances gotten him out of trouble… including and AUO and assault charge from my stepmother? Not just any kind of “Oh keep your nose clean and we wont arrest you.” I am talking about a direct quote being “We’ve never seen anything like this. Your honor we make a motion for dismissal” and then the judge tells him that if he keeps his nose clean for six months and doesn’t get into trouble again, not only are the charges dropped but they are ERASED like they never happened. Going on my history with him, I would choose option C, then get so mad that he gets away with everything that I would file reports with the police like a brown-nosing hall monitor and figure out my own way to.

    He usually like to throw anything that was hurtful in my face out of spite. So did I have to lie or do any fancy machination to get him trapped? No, his mouth did that all on its own.

    • says

      Love how you went through each of those different choices– and that is absolutely nuts about the judge and his ruling. How does that even happen? It’s so messed up and so discouraging for people who are trying to summon up the courage to stand up and fight back. Ugh.

      Also– you are very right about not needing to lie or lay traps. They will get themselves into trouble soon enough.

  10. says

    At least my ex never had nude photos to use against me. Phew! But he did try to get me arrested and he stalked me for 5 years. As for phone records, oh yeah, been there and played that card to. Yay you! Oh yeah, I also broke into his (our) house and had police come with guns drawn. Now that was fun. I am waiting for the next installment! Hurry please!!! haha. Man you and me would be a force to be reckoned with! We should open our own PI office. :-)

  11. says

    Oh my god. You are a genius. I am going to remember all of this in case I ever need it. Haha.
    Speaking of… do you happen to know of a free place to look up criminal records? Need to do some sleuthing on someone…

  12. says

    I am rooting so hard for you through every sentence, Aussa. I must admit that now I am worried that you hurt your cause by telling the phone rep it was a gift and having the records emailed to your real work email, and then opening it up and reading it from your computer. Maybe I’ve just read too many crime mysteries. I hope this nagging feeling is wrong!

  13. says

    1. Great sleuthing.

    2. Honestly. What’s going on with all the “this guy shows all the signs of being a murderer” going on in your life?

    • says

      Haha! Just laughed out loud at #2! It’s so true. I kept wanting to say that on The Goat Man comments, like “no, they don’t take him seriously because there are other people who are 10,000 times crazier”

  14. says

    Great story! Looking forward to part 3!

    While this is massively entertaining to read, I can’t imagine actually having this kind of shit happen to me in real life. Kudos to you on keeping it together.

    • says

      Haha thank you for that comment, it’s actually rather validating. I’ll be honest– I did not necessarily keep it together all that well while it was going on. I am glad to be able to talk about it now and tell these stories though.

  15. says

    This is an Aussa, the spy story. Excellent sleuthing. A+ work. He won’t get away with this. I’ve done a little detective work in my day. I can’t say I enjoy it much. If it weren’t so personal, I’m sure I’d enjoy it more. Be careful, Aussa.

    • says

      I will definitely be careful. And yeah, that’s always the hard thing about this kind of sleuthing (hate to admit this is not my first experience), you learn something or gain a smoking gun and its a moment of victory but then it actually has really horrible or heartbreaking connotations for your life. But in hindsight this is much easier to talk about.

  16. says

    Can’t wait to read the next part of the story.

    The last person who gave me a hard time got fired after firing me.
    I went out, got ridiculously drunk, and woke up to a bunch of messages asking me to come back to work.
    No idea what happened to him. Can’t find it in myself to care either.

    • says

      That would be way too much fun, Carrie! Seriously though… it’s like a chicken and egg question– do I have a knack for this because my life necessitates it with its absurdity or do I end up seeing the full extent of absurdities because I sleuth the truth out of them? More importantly, what the heck did I just write? I’m too scared to even go back and re-read that entire sentence.

  17. says

    This is a blogger-ethics question: Do your employer and coworkers know about this blog? If not, are you worried about them reading this and the impact your comments might have on future legal proceedings, not to mention your employment? I’m not suggesting you should worry, just wondering whether it’s something you think about.

    • says

      No, they do not know about my blog. I do think about it but I also don’t include anyone’s real names nor the name of the organization I work for. As far as future legal proceedings, I don’t include the harrier details for that very reason. The things I do write about are all things that can be learned with an open records request.

    • says

      I’m worried my responses to you and List of X might sound ranty. These are legit concerns and very good motivation for maintaining a balance in my savings account. Juuuust in case.

  18. says

    First of all..way to Liam Neeson his ass..secondly..I’m slightly confused. If the phone was in your name how would you prove it was him? Will a future post explain that..HA.

  19. says

    And Aussa turns the tables LIKE A BOSS! I’m imagining how this ends. I specifically want to know what happens to Major Douche, but sadly I suspect it will not be nearly as bloody a revenge as he deserves. Fingers crossed!

  20. says

    Oh my word. You are awesome.

    I can’t wait to read what happened afterwards.

    And well done on getting the police involved. That asshat has it coming!!!

    • says

      Yes, the police deserve so so so much of the credit in this story. They were unbelievably supportive throughout the entire process, I couldn’t believe it. Thanks so much, Sharn!

  21. says

    Aussa, sounds like awesome. I am amazed at your devious self defense skills. If I ever need a private eye, I know where to look. Go get him girl.

    John

  22. says

    Jesus Cripes, Aussa! You could write the next thriller … but it would be a memoir! And that is fucked up that you actually lived that!! You are one crafty, smart girl to get that sleuthing together!! Can’t wait for the next installment. I’m hooked!!

    • says

      Ah haha thank you! Lord, how special is that– to think my memoir could be classified as a thriller! Haha! But it’s very true. Thanks so much for reading along and sticking around!

    • says

      Honestly… I don’t think he would find this blog. I don’t think he has enough of a grasp on how to use the internet/technology. He doesn’t even have internet at his home.

      Secondly, I don’t really care if he were to read this. I can’t worry about doing things that make him angry or bring on any additional measure of violence or punishment. I live with that fear every day and never did anything to provoke him in the first place. I have stood in several courtrooms now and told the truth about him while he listened, while he glared, while he did everything he could to intimidate me and make me shut up. If I could give a Ted Talk on this whole fucked up situation, I would be sure to have someone e-mail him a link to it. He went to great lengths to humiliate me and to warn me against ever saying a word about him. So that’s exactly what I will do.
      That being said, I’ll never reveal his name or anything like that.

      • says

        You may not be afraid of your ex, but you should keep in mind your coworkers, too.
        However, my own sleuthing skills (no match for yours, obviously) tell me that “Aussa Lorens” is just your pen name, so you probably have little to worry about, unless someone actually looks at your internet history.

    • says

      inner Irish Chieftain, haha! And… you’d be surprised the sorts of ideas you’ll come up with in a desperate situation. I think it’s just a matter of “pursuing all leads” haha!

  23. Miss C says

    Jip, have had to resort to lying to find out the truth one too many times. It is sad though that we have to resort to lies with the people we love, to find out the truth, because they cant be honest with us!

    • says

      Yes, that is so so sad. And the saddest thing is that in the end, the truth comes out and what was all that hiding for in the long run? Just a waste of energy on both parts. But… I have been on both ends, I suppose. *sigh* Good to hear from you, Miss C! I need to make my way over to your part of the interwebs, it has been too long.

  24. says

    I just found your blog. I am so sorry that this happened to you. What a violation of privacy, not to mention human decency. I hope everything works out in your favor. I’m sure it will though. I don’t think this guy knows what he’s up against! Love the inner Liam Neeson! Best of luck.

    xx Courtney from SheWearsManyCrowns.com

  25. says

    I love how you roll Aussa! Nail that SOB! If you want anything done, you have to do it. The law will protect the criminals. I went thru the same thing with my cousin..tons of phone calls and internet research till I found what I wanted. Can’t wait for the next post. Go Go Aussa!

    • says

      Oh yes, if anyone can relate to my legal woes it is you! Well, mine are minor compared to all of the hoops that you’ve had to jump through, agh. These people with their ill intentions just don’t know what they’re up against when they make these bad decisions!

  26. says

    HO – LEE CREPE. I can’t tell you how much people like that disgust me. I hope he’s on some kind of watch list, although judging from your total Liam Neeson approach to this, he should be watching out for you — as well as anyone from your circle of blogger friends who might run into him. Such as with a fire engine. I think I could get away with “probable cause” if he was on fire. It could happen…

    Damned good for you, Aussa.

      • says

        Once he realizes you won’t be intimidated, he will eventually walk away like any form of bully does. Although letting him know you have a friend who has offered to drive a fire truck over him is something you can always keep in your back pocket ;)

        Excellent work, Aussa. And though I jest, I really respect the approach you took and the resolve required to do it.

        Cheers to you

  27. Doug in Oakland says

    I once had a girl who I had been very kind to and gentlemanly around turn on me after she took up with a burglar and start telling people I knew that I was a snitch. While this was going on, an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while came to my house to visit my room mate, saw me and offered me a cigarette and asked how I was doing. I told him: Well, if you believe what you hear, I’m a big snitch. He looked me in the eye and replied: Don’t listen to her, Doug. Your reputation precedes you. I wasn’t expecting that, and it felt kind of good.

    • says

      I only know you from our comments on here but I don’t have any trouble believing that your reputation preceded you– in a good way. I have a hard time believing that you could ever be classified as a snitch. Ha, um, no way.

  28. says

    Wow! There are no words to describe such despicable behavior. Well, ok, there are, but I don’t want to actually type them here. Go, YOU! for pushing through and fighting this thing and not just giving in. I do love how he’s so smug that he uses your personal information and thinks that he won’t be found out. You, on the other hand, are awesome!

    • says

      Haha, thank you Deborah! I’m with you on the words thing. I can think of a few myself but I’ll just keep those on the inside for now ;) And yesssss… the personal information thing was such a dumb idea. I mean, I get what he was trying to do but he basically left me a trail of cookie crumbs to follow right to his doorstep.

    • says

      I’ll back you up ANYTIME, I promise you that! And weirdly enough I do get to use this part of my brain more than you might expect while working a mostly administration-based job!

  29. says

    An incredible story, thank you for sharing. I wish I had read this when I was being stalked by a colleague – not even an ex – it might’ve given me the courage to go and file those police reports.

  30. says

    When the King of the Douchebags threatened to take my son from me, I knew I had to do something. I told him I wanted to discuss other options, offered to come over and cook him dinner, and was surprised that he let me go to the house early to meet him. I videotaped my entire entrance and a tour through the house (after being told by some other girl he was sleeping with that he had drugs in the house). I admit, I was surprised to see he was attempting to get his girl scout badge for pot growing and got it all on film. I proceeded to cook him dinner, had a nice conversation with him, and then turned it over to my lawyer.

    I won the custody case.

    Point is…sometimes you can’t just lie back and hope the system works. Sometimes you have to step in and MAKE SURE it works for you. I’m glad you did this. And you’re better than me, because I probably wouldn’t have thought to track down the company like that. Genius!

    • says

      No way! That’s amazing that you were able to get that footage and that it worked as evidence against him in your court case. Wow. And he was clearly just using your son to manipulate you if he was threatening to take him away and yet allowed you to come over and make dinner. Geeze.

      I think you’re right about the system– sometimes it needs an extra little push. I’m not about breaking the law and getting revenge and all that (like we’ve already said) but if you can do something to help your case…. do it.

  31. says

    PS: Sorry, I should’t have said “not even an ex” as I realised when I hit the post comment button that it may imply that he had some sort of excuse to do what he did on account of having been in a relationship and that is not excuse whatsoever. What I meant to actually say was that the guy who stalked me was someone I had no more than two conversations with full stop, and yet somehow this started an obsession that lasted for years.

    • says

      No worries, I didn’t even read it that way. Regardless of whether it was an ex or an acquaintance or a complete stranger it is such a violation to have someone behave this way.
      As a sidenote, I’d be curious to hear more about this whole situation because I had something similar happen when I was in college. I haven’t even gotten it on my blogging radar because its such a bizarre story that I’m afraid people won’t believe me. It was a complete stranger and I never really learned who it was or what was going on. The fact that people can develop these obsessions and then act on them is pretty freaking scary.

  32. says

    So, Aussa, this is real time? I mean, this is all happening to you right now? I’m so glad you have four older brothers. They can be your security detail. Seriously, this guy sounds very dangerous. I want you to nail his ass, but stay alert. You do need a safety plan NOW; don’t wait until “afterwards.”

    • says

      I should probably have been more clear about the timeline of all of this because I’ve received a few worried emails and facebook messages! At this point in the story it is about 18 months ago… all of the stuff I will blog about has been largely wrapped up, closed case and all of that. Still, he is definitely still a threat and I’ve made preparations to accommodate that threat.

  33. says

    Your brother was right, Aussa. Filing a police report was important. And, I’m glad that you let your boss know at work so that the investigation could move forward, even if it was embarrassing. This guy is crazy. I love your detective work. He shouldn’t get away with it. He has clearly thought about how best to hurt and intimidate you. Hang in there and stay safe!

    • says

      Thank you Jennifer. It is definitely true that he put a lot of thought into the best way to humiliate me… there was a lot wrapped up in these actions that ties into things he knew were very upsetting to me based on the past. Urgh. And I am so so so glad that I went to the police! That changed the course of the whole situation.

  34. My Muted Voice says

    Oh I can’t wait for the next piece to this story! I’m so glad he was dumb enough to use your info so you were able to catch him.

    I had a physically abusive boyfriend once who I eventually found out while digging through his papers, that the name I knew him as, wasn’t even actually his name! I found out he also had a kid and that he stole a bunch of money from me. I used to have excellent taste in men.

  35. says

    Weird a judge or police officer would know if a burner phone was used by any change it is foul play due to fact the picture in question was first send to another number. No way he could argue you set him up.
    And I am not the person to dig so deep. And does that now not mean knowing and holding the correct and corrected account information mean you are making yourself more guilty of said phone number usage. Just saying.
    Have a great day. Option 5 hire a hitman or ninja

    • says

      That’s a really good point, about me getting in there and looking at all of it. It was a risky move and one I would definitely have to explain later on.
      I like Option 5, hahaha!!!

    • says

      Hahahaha oh my gosh, well when you say it like that! That’s so funny. Yes, of course our minds go to self-sufficiency and subterfuge before they go to law enforcement and legal help!

  36. says

    Aussa, I’m not trying to be creepy when I say this. I already knew I loved you, but I think you just became one of my role models. This is like revenge porn for every woman that has been stalked or abused. You are amazing. I wish I had done this to my ex. Any of my ex’s actually. (I have a bad habit of picking abusers.)

    • says

      Not creepy at all, I totally understand and also look to these sorts of stories when I’m in a shitty situation. “Revenge porn” is hilarious though, by the way ;) I can relate to your bad habit– I was in a really messed up cycle of choosing the same kinds of guys over and over. Luckily that is a cycle that can be broken!

  37. says

    UGH! But now you’ll wait nearly a week for another post! That is truly terrifying. Anyway, my ex used my Netflix information to check my FaceBook and use every fling I had against me, tell me I couldn’t talk to people based on things from years previous, and discovered I look at women and find them hot. So dumped me for a druggie man-whore. I’m too honest to do these things :( I’d feel immense amounts of guilt and start giggling.

    • says

      I remember you talking about her doing this once before– yikes. And as hard as it is to let things in the past stay that way, she really didn’t have any grounds to be jealous or angry for things that had happened long before. Argh. And oh, how funny– you giggle when you are up to no good? That’s a delicious little tidbit to learn about you.

      • says

        I do. And smile really really big. Like teeth showing and eyes barely visible big.

        I’m not sure if I’ll have to wait for the actual answer, but has this story come to an end? Like is your ex in the past now? Or does he still horribly awkwardly work at the same place? I feel you mentioned it, but I can’t remember.

        • says

          Ha! That is so so funny about you smiling. I have a coworker who is like that– we will try to surprise someone but she just gets so goofy and awkward, it’s hilarious.

          And while I do plan on following up with more details on this story (because it continued to be a cluster) I can say that for the most part this is very much in the past. At least, the book is closed on these particular events. I can’t say that nothing else will happen (though I freaking hope not) but these stories do have an ending.

  38. says

    Wow wow, good for you. It always makes you feel much better about situations if you can be proactive and do practical things about it rather than letting it all just happen to you. Definitely been there more than once. Not the same situation of course, but times where just taking it and letting it happen wasn’t an option.

    • says

      Yes, Vanessa– you totally hit on something that is a really big deal for me. If I feel like I have absolutely no power or no ability to respond to a situation, I lose it. I will become a complete mess. But if I can sit down and face something and develop a plan… I can survive it.

  39. says

    Oh, Aussa! You are so damn brilliant in multiple ways!!!! No way in hell can he get away with it – not with your investigative techniques! Boy, what a horrid experience! CAN YOU FEEL MY ANGER AS I WRITE THIS???????? GRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    • says

      Ha! The outcome will be forthcoming, I promise. I’m working on writing this story every Sunday evening so that I can intersperse it with less angering things throughout the week :)

  40. says

    Now if only the police could be as resourceful as you are, maybe more crimes would be solved. :-)
    I’m so hoping your next post reveals how his ass got fired shortly thereafter, and then how he went to jail for 150 years.

    • says

      Haha! 150 years of jail time would certainly be an awesome outcome! And I feel like the police are often stretched beyond capacity when it comes to this sort of thing… which is why it’s not a bad idea to do as much of the leg work as you can (without breaking the law and all of that, I suppose).

  41. says

    First of all, I hope this is another “to be continued” so I can find out what happens next. Secondly, I’m so proud of you for not giving up and searching your a$$ off to get what you needed so he couldn’t get away with it. Lastly, I’ve said before that my life has been dull in comparison, but your story reminds me of the time I served on a jury. A woman whose ex had a restraining order against him was brought to court for calling her at home (violation of restraining order). There was absolutely no proof he called her. But, there were witnesses who said they’d seen his car parked in the exact distance he needed to be from her every day as she drove to work (no picture taking cell phones in those days). Everyone on our jury believed he was guilty, but there was reasonable doubt because of the lack of proof for the phone call (cell phones were new at the time, mostly paid by the minute). I feared for the woman’s life, and he would go to jail if found guilty. I was the only woman on the jury and thought for sure no one else would vote guilty because of the reasonable doubt. Everyone voted guilty except for one. We took about 90 minutes to talk him into it. The man was found guilty even with the reasonable doubt. I could tell when he looked into my eyes in that courtroom, he was not only guilty, but dangerous. I also learned that the man lived not too far from me. That’s as close as I get to your frightening story.

    • says

      Oh wow, Lori. That is quite the story. I can’t imagine serving on a jury, and that sounds like the type of case that they would definitely not allow me to be a part of! I’m glad you all voted guilty… I can’t believe he would lurk within the reasonable distance, that gives me the absolute heebie jeebies.

  42. Paul says

    Good work Aussa! You are the Sun Tzu of modern relationship warfare! When I hear about assholes like your ex, it makes me embarrassed to be a male.

    • says

      Some other men have said similar things, but I know too many good men to let my opinion be swayed! And at least you can take comfort in the fact that there are plenty of crazy women out there. Except wait… that’s not comforting at all ;)

  43. says

    I actually found myself getting really angry when I read that he eould get away with it. Haha, maybe I need to get a life and stop living vicariously through other bloggers. I’m so happy you got him. You’re like a modern day Erin Brochovitch (no idea if that is doelt right).

    • says

      Oooo, I loved that movie! That’s quite a compliment, thank you *blushes*
      And no– don’t get a life. It’s way too fun to live vicariously through other people’s blogs. Though I’m not sure I want to experience (vicariously or otherwise) your most recent texting snafu ;)

  44. says

    I would get into too much trouble if I told you what I did or you could do…. definitely another blog topic. Good luck with everything you are on the right track. Just keep one step ahead of him, if not more, at all times and do not be alone.
    You may have to bite the bullet and tell your brothers, They can give you really good advice and ensure you are protected. IMHO.
    Blessings and prayers for safety,
    Susanx

    • says

      Thank you Susan :) I should add that this point in the story was about a year and a half ago… so I’m writing with an understanding of what happens next (its a good feeling now that I’ve gotten to this point!) I did eventually open up to my brothers about it… but only after things had calmed down. Just way too stubborn over here ;)

      • says

        It’s in the genes :) I think we all have a tendency to want to handle tings ourselves, despite the sometimes desperate straits we may be in. It’s good to be able to talk about it tough – so says the voice of many disparate experiences forever locked away… perhaps in tim to be immortalised in fiction.
        Blessings, Susan x

  45. says

    Oh my–woman!! If I were in this situation, I’d be absolutely INCANDESCENT with rage, and I’d probably spend way too much time getting in touch with my inner Liam or my inner Jason Bourne or…I don’t even know.

    I’d probably start messing with him myself, because that’s always my first reaction–I love to have the last word. If he works there, I’d be tempted to stop by and peek my head in his office and say super-sweetly…”Hi honey. You forgot to drop my middle initial on that new Virgin Mobile account. And Zola’s dead.” Then pop back out. Just to make him wonder.

    In all seriousness, if this person is a true red-flag weirdo, then that’s probably not a good idea.

    Make your best “You do NOT get to treat me that way!” face, cover all your bases, safety-wise, get your cop-brother involved by all means, and keep us posted.

    • Julie says

      ARGH!!! no time for all the comments right now!! See? Your time at ATT wasn’t for naught! I am sure that is how you had the wherewithall to make those calls and track down the phone!! All the tediousness of your life continues to add to your knowledge. I can take a cell phone apart, fix it, and put it back together. and it works. Thanks sprint.

      Ok, ready for part 3. Thank you.

      • says

        Ha! Oh yes, the working for AT&T definitely helped a lot. It also helped that I was raised by a man who lied a lot ;) I got used to unraveling these little plots looooong ago.
        Part 3… soon!

    • says

      Haha! Oh, you speak to my heart! I can’t tell you just how tempting it was to do SOMETHING to retaliate… like… anything at all. My very existence was a retaliation in a lot of ways. But instead I opted to lay low, stay out of his way and off his radar so that I could never be implicated or painted as an instigator. Luckily, I was able to count on him tying his own noose. But I’ll tell you– it was not easy to behave myself.

      • says

        I can imagine. Sometimes holding our peace in situations that seem absolutely require retribution, is the hardest test of all. And yes, they always tend to tie their own noose eventually.

  46. says

    I am SO f-ing impressed! And proud! And god lord I love me some vigilante-style justice.

    When do we come together to form a crime-fighting and wrong-righting super team? We would obviously need a theme song, catch phrase, and kick-ass outfits — you know, the important things when you’re taking down villains.

    • says

      Oh, yes.
      A vigilante band of bloggers– you always leave the absolute best ideas in my comments! And you KNOW I will follow through…
      Hmm… brain storming session soon, very soon.

    • says

      Oh man… My LIFE is like a Lifetime movie… it’s not even funny. Actually… that would be an interesting idea for a blog post, so long as people don’t mind driving their fair share of white whine ;)

  47. says

    This. This is why I adore you. You’re a regular person, but you don’t take shit, and you’re smart. Totally relatable, yet a rock star at the same time. Loving this story (although I hate you had to go through it) and dying to hear the rest of it!

  48. says

    Man oh man oh man. What a piece of work! Better you than me, Aussa. There have been two men in my life who put their gnarly fingers around my throat saying they were going to kill me. Both are ex husbands, and both are permanently scarred by their poor choices. I carved an x into the back of the first one (after knocking him unconscious with a cast irom skillet that still had dried spaghetti in it), and the cops pulled me over with the 2nd one (years later) on the hood of my car doing 73 in a 55 in winter- the poor guy was crying tears and whimpering like a 2 year old.

    Apparently, it’s not a good idea to try and choke me!

    I would feel sooooo sorry for that man if he tried that crap on me. He’d be crying for his mama…that’s for sure.

    You handled it well, GF. ;0)
    Two points!
    x

    • says

      OH MY GOSH! WOAH! You certainly go for Option A! Holy crap– you drove down the road with him on your hood?! Did he throw himself on there in some dramatic show? Damn, girl! We most certainly would get into all sorts of trouble while traveling overseas!

      • says

        Well see, he had his hand around my throat and was saying that he was going to kill me as I was trying to flee. I was in my car and told him three times that if he didn’t get off the hood of my car, I was going to drive him to the nearest police station (8 miles away) with him on it- I just wanted to go home, you know? I was DONE. So, I pumped the gas a time of two to let him know that I wasn’t playing around. He had the death grip on my windows- straddling himself across my windshield! I gave him two more chances (and plenty of time) to remove himself. When he didn’t, I hit the pedal to the metal and that boy was almost pissing on himself. He was literally crying when the cop pulled me over. Hey, can’t say I didn’t warn him!

        Do I feel bad about it today?
        Not even close.

        I’m a mild gal, believe me. I just have a low tolerance for abusive guys and I let them know real quick that I don’t do “psychos”. So, that’s that. ;0)

          • says

            I was pregnant with my daughter (who’s 19 now) and my instincts kicked in like a mama bear, you know? “Protect that child” is all I was thinking, and yes, he was a total ass (still is!)- I made a post about him just two days ago- drunk calling. (Lovely, no?) The cop was like, “WTF is going on here?!” My ex was like, “She’s pregnant. That’s what- she a I*&^%!”” And I was like, “Sir, he tried to choke me. I gave him several chances to get off my hood and he refused.” We ended up in court, I caught a criminal wrecklessness charge and he caught a domestic charge. I think the court dropped most everything just to get us out of there…ha. (I told you I have stories…)

            These days, I stay VERY single. I’ve pretty much had it with the psycho-stalkers and such. But I’m sure you wouldn’t know anything about that. :0)

  49. says

    I am finally beginning to understand the name of your blog. You are awesome, Aussa. And your ex is a douche. I feel like we readers keep getting flashbacks. Eventually, we’ll know everything about you… Are you sure you want to put that on the internet?

  50. The Regular Guy NYC says

    Nice job Ms Investigtor! Looks like you found the proof you need. What a douche that guy is. Can’t believe you are going through this. I does sound scary for sure. Stay strong.

  51. says

    Holy sh*t! I mean, kudos for getting your proof, but the whole process…sheesh. And the “do you have a plan to stay safe” part..that’s friggin scary. I had a stalker in college, but he didn’t know anything about me. I can’t imagine it being an ex who knew me…intimately. I want to know (in my Paul Harvey) the rest of the story.

  52. says

    I have never been in this sort of situation, but have worried about it before. Not the exact, but similar. You’re an inspiration for bravery, Aussa. Good move with the contacting companies!

  53. says

    YES. I’m glad that this post has a happy end! You’re a good Liam Neeson. Bravo.
    Now hopefully this will make him shut up for once and for all. But at least you did something about it. That’s the best thing you could have done, and you did it in a very great way :D.

  54. says

    Oh mother f’ing SNAP! I can’t tell you how much delight I got reading this! I caught a boyfriend cheating by calling up his other “girlfriend” and pretending that I was yet another girl he was cheating on both of us with. Crazy? Yes. Psycho? Yes. Make me feel better? Oh hell yes.

    • says

      It really IS nuts– you always expect that there will be someone to step in and take over a situation like this but sadly that’s not always the case. Advocating for yourself is an important lesson to learn and never forget.

      • says

        You are absolutely right, especially because one hears this again and again — the cops that can’t help due to “lack of evidence.” I really wish they would put more accommodating laws into place.

  55. says

    Holy Sh!t! I’m so sorry this happened to you, what a creep! But you go girl! Looks like he is no match for you!
    I was holding my breathe the entire time and now I cannot wait to read what happened next!

  56. says

    I couldn’t post a comment on the Twitter Spotlight post, so I came here instead to say:
    Your hair is like an ever-flowing waterfall of gorgeous red locks, especially in that picture in the Tex Mex restaurant. I’m jealous and I hate you now. Kidding about the hate, not about the jealousy.

    • says

      HAHAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh you kill me. Well, it doesn’t always look like that. I aimed to post unflattering pics but the truth is that I wouldn’t allow my horrible looking hair to be immortalized by a camera. I should find photos of when I backpacked for 9 months (and didn’t take a brush or a blowdryer or any hair products) and post those as a follow up ;)

    • says

      Thanks Kat! There was another commenter on an earlier post who pointed out that I am motivated by adversity. I suppose that is true because I don’t generally put as much effort into things as I eventually did with those whole story.

  57. says

    Oh Aussa, you are bad ass and I absolutely delighted in reading this! This is the kind of thing I would do as well, track that bastard down…

    Damn it, someone’s got to do it! Can’t wait to hear the rest of the story.

  58. says

    Aussa.. I have to admit I am a skeptic at heart..it seems too well written and too movie-like to be true. Now, I am not saying it’s not.. just that I couldn’t tell if Im reading fact or fiction. I love your writing style..and as I am new to your blog I am just getting to know you (well your blog anyway).. If this is a true story.. you have tremendous courage. I would bet that your writing style is very reflective of your personality and you seem like a very cool person to know :)

    If it’s fiction..then you are flat out just a great writer .. in my humble opinion..

    either way.. win win!

    • says

      Ha! It is indeed rather movie-like but I am afraid I must emphasize the truth of it all. If I were to fictionalize this story I would likely throw in something about being a krav-maga expert and/or owning a helicopter.

      Out of all the many ridiculous stories that I share here on wordpress, this is one that I could actually “prove” with supporting documents, ha. Either way, thanks for the compliment on my writing! And thanks for reading :)

      • says

        Well.. I guess one positive from all this is that you must be a beautiful woman on top of it all. Otherwise, what value would there be in risking the spread of your pictures :) (only a guy could twist that into a postive.. im shamelss)

  59. says

    Aussa, I feel a girl crush coming on. You kick ass.

    I’ve had to use sleuthing skills twice in the past year to track down my ex for the state to collect child support. Such fun.

    • says

      Oh wow, I can’t imagine that situation being very much fun at all… but I’m glad you keep catching him. You ought to tag him like they do wild game on a preserve… then you could track his movements…

    • says

      Ha! Yes, there was some sort of mix-up in the karmic cycle and he got the personality of an ass but the body of a human. *sigh* I’m sure next time he will end up as a cockroach. Though he definitely already has that “difficult to get rid of” quality going on.

  60. says

    You are such an amazing girl Aussa!! I have been away from your sight (sorry slight detour while dealing with divorce issues) but I’m super proud of you for putting your foot down and not letting him take advantage of you. Your investigator skills are very motivational as well!!! Always be very very very careful in the future who you share any form of pictures with. Someone can be so amazing and in the blink of an eye, turn into a monster (literally). Fingers crossed this situation works out and that he has to pay you some good hard cash for what he did!!

    • says

      Oh no, I hope everything is going okay with you, that sounds stressful. And yes– it’s so true that people can quickly change in that way. It’s sad how many people are able to relate to that aspect of this story. And I wish this story ended with some good hard cash! I’ll keep that goal in mind if there’s another situation like this ;) (please never let there be another situation like this)

  61. Janel says

    So glad you knew your ex-well enough to figure out his ploy. It’s hard to believe so many women don’t pay attention to the details of a man’s m.o. and are left feeling powerless against their intimidation. You obviously were a good student of your ex’s behavior and the way he thinks. Your intelligence, knowledge, and self respect paved the way out of this mess!

    Last year I confirmed some suspicions of my boyfriend cheating by contacting his “friend”. That opened up a can of crazy and I ended up having to get the police involved. And yes…a picture (that I wasn’t even aware was taken) was involved. As I read your post a familiar chill ran down my spine as I recalled the same advice being given to me. I did not want to have to face him at a hearing. My fear was that he would manipulate the truth and convince the judge that I somehow was the villain. Thankfully, the steps I took were successful to stop the harassing. Just like what you did to get the proof you needed, those steps were based on my understanding and knowledge of him.

    LOVE your writing! Thank you for sharing your talent and story!

    • says

      Thanks Janel! Yeah… it took a while for me to get out from under the effect of his intimidation and an overwhelming desire to just pretend it would all go away on its own. But once he lit that fire in me…. Watch out, haha.

      Ugh, I’m sorry about your cheating ex. I’ve had a similar “friend” situation myself. So freaking frustrating and it sounds like it took a pretty scary turn. I’m glad you were able to resolve it without going through the hell of a court situation.

      I like to think that standing up and just overwhelmingly defeating someone at their own game should be a deterrent for that sort of behavior in the future. One can only hope!

  62. says

    Your story telling is amazing…and it is even more crazy that these things acually happened to you! I stumbled on your blog today by accident and I am really enjoying it. Thank you for sharing so much x follower in the UK

  63. says

    Aussa I think you should write a book….and all I can say after reading Parts 1 & 2 is that you are very, very brave. I’m proud of you and don’t even know you!

    • says

      Aw, thank you. I want to write a book about working at the Psych Ward… but I feel like this whole story here could probably be it’s own book, dangit! Who knows what the future could hold… maybe :)

  64. LilSnyda says

    A friend just sent this story to me, unfortunately because it mimics my own personal disaster that I’ve been dealing with for over 5 years now. I’ve been called crazy amongst other things for being determined to “turn the tables” as you say but its a situation where you have to do what you have to do. It is also oddly comforting to know that other people have been specifically in my same shoes and pushed on to come out winning just like me! Rock on Aussa!

    • Aussa Lorens says

      Hi LilSnyda! Lovely to hear from you, thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. I’m sorry you’ve been through a similar thing– UGH. It can be a hard balance to figure out how much energy to put into turning the tables as opposed to just getting the hell away. I don’t think you’re crazy :) It’s definitely a strange sort of comfort to know that other people have been through similar things… we wouldn’t wish it on anyone but it’s validating to know that what you’re feeling is normal. You rock on as well!

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