Word of advice: If you’re going to sabotage your ex’s life by sending her naked photos to your coworkers don’t set the account up in such a way that she’ll be able to view it online.
For two weeks, it seemed hopeless. I’d been told I couldn’t prove it was him—Internal Affairs basically told me to give up and invest in weaponry and the Judge who was hearing my petition for a restraining order was notoriously conservative and unlikely to look fondly upon some redheaded tart who sexted her 50 year old boyfriend.
But it was no longer my word against his. With those phone records I could follow the cookie crumbs back to the first day the phone had been used. Guess who’d called it three minutes after it was activated?
My ass-hat of an ex.
He’d activated the pre-paid phone, added a balance, then called the T-mobile phone that was registered in his real name, at the number we all knew to be his. He placed several calls back and forth and when he was confident the phone was operational, he sent multiple picture messages from his personal phone to the pre-paid phone. Once he’d amassed an arsenal of nudies, he began sending them from the pre-paid to everyone else—pretending to be me.
I hit print then e-mailed a screenshot to Internal Affairs. Subject line: “ROASTED.”
The following Monday was the hearing for the restraining order. I spent my weekend compiling a dossier on the douchebag, filled with police reports, timelines, and every bit of information I’d gathered against him over the last 6 months. My boss had called his “girlfriend from kindergarten” who was now a district attorney and gotten me hooked up with a lawyer named Betsy– a badass who quickly came to the conclusion that my ex was “the craziest mother fucker” she’d ever heard of.
I showed up for the hearing with two friends and sat in the back row. My ex wasn’t there yet. I’d looked for him in the parking lot, watched for him as I climbed the courthouse stairs, and given long looks to the officers at the metal detectors, hoping they’d prevent him from getting his gun inside the building.
A part of me hoped he wouldn’t show up, that I wouldn’t have to face him. Maybe he had decided to just let it be, and would stay away and finally let me get back to having a life.
But no.
I could feel him standing in the doorway, filling every inch of it with menace and hostility. He stood still, appraising everything with a look of arrogant disdain. He stared directly at me and I looked away. I’d never seen him wear a suit.
Watching from the corner of my eye, I saw him walking towards me. He changed direction at the last moment and paced the full length of the last row until he stood in the back corner. He stared at me for another minute then walked to the front of the room, diagonal from where I sat. Again, he just looked at me, as though I were a sculpture to be admired from all angles. Finally, he crossed back to my side of the room and stared into my eyes as he casually unbuttoned his suit jacket, his every move an exaggerated testament to how “above this” he was.
I leaned over to whisper in my friend’s ear.
“How many calories do you think he just burned with that long walk?”
The court clerk told us to rise as the judge entered the room. I thought I was going to throw up. I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of my heart trying to escape my chest. The clerk read my name and Betsy gestured for me to approach the bench. She’d walked me through this entire process the week before.
“I will stand between you the entire time, but he’ll do anything to intimidate you, so don’t look at him.”
As I walked to the bench, I suddenly felt incredibly calm. My heart went back to it’s steady 72 beats a minute and my voice did not shake as I spoke. I’d told this story so many times—to the investigators, my boss, my friends, the police, my attorney—but my ex had never been there to listen.
I made sure I didn’t skip a single detail.
I saved my dossier for after he’d told his side of the story, letting him believe it was still only my word against his. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in response.
He sighed deeply.
“I honestly don’t even know why I’m here, your honor.”
She interrupted him before he could go on.
“You’ve been standing here, have you not heard anything Ms. Lorens just said?”
This flustered him.
“Well, I mean, yes I heard all of that but I don’t know what it has to do with me.”
“Mr. —— some very serious accusations have been leveled against you, and you don’t know how that has anything to do with you?”
He flipped through a spiral notebook full of scribbles, reciting a long list of dates and times in which he’d been interviewed by Internal Affairs and then began a tangent about how good of an employee he was.
The judge sighed audibly and interrupted him once again.
“Mr.—— do you deny being in a relationship with Ms. Lorens?”
“No, I do not.”
“Do you deny that she asked you to never contact her again?”
He laughed.
“Well, I don’t remember if she used those exact words.”
“Did she imply that she no longer wanted to hear from you after the breakup?”
He ignored the question and began rambling about how we were good friends and that he respected me and was hurt that I would suddenly start accusing him of things.
“Mr. —— you state that you remained friends. Does this mean that Ms. Lorens also contacted you?”
“Yes, it was a back and forth.”
My attorney interjected and showed the judge my cell phone records for the last 6 months, showing the hundreds of times he’d contacted me without provocation. I’d highlighted every single text and call and flagged it with color coded tabs. It looked like a sorority banner you’d wave at a football game, it was so colorful and fluttery.
The judge looked to my ex for a response. He began rambling about how I was full of vengeance and had concoted this whole plan out of revenge. She had to interrupt again and ask him whether he was familiar with the pre-paid phone number.
“I don’t even know what a pre-paid phone is,” he answered.
The judge may or may not have face-palmed at this point.
“I’ve never even seen that number before,” he declared.
“Did you not just testify that you’d been interviewed several times regarding this number?”
“Well, yes” he stammered, “I mean other than that.”
“Is there anything else you want to add?”
“Just that she’s dragging my name through the mud for no reason at all. I have a lot at stake because of this.”
The judge looked back to me.
“Is there anything you’d like to add?”
I flipped to the back of my binder and removed the pre-paid phone records that I’d gotten online and showed her where you could see the connection between his phone and the pre-paid.
I couldn’t help but sneak a look at my ex, who’s eyes were bulging as he stared at the Virgin Mobile logo at the top of the page.
“Mr—— what is your cell phone number?”
He recited it.
“And how do you explain the fact that your number is on this record?”
He threw his hands in the air.
“I don’t even know how all this works, all I know is sometimes I get messages from people I don’t know and I’m just like ‘stop calling me’ and then they might send something or a photo and I’ll be like ‘no, leave me alone, I don’t want to be a part of this.”
His gestures grew wild and dramatic. My attorney slowly began to back away from him.
“I don’t know how cell phones work, she could have sent those photos to anyone and maybe someone sent them back to me, I don’t know, I just delete everything. Everything was fine until this and I’m an A-Team special forces soldier, I fought for our country, and—“
He was full blown manic.
I wasn’t supposed to look at him but it was hard not to watch such a trainwreck. There was spit flying from his mouth as he banged his fists on the counter.
“We never really even dated, we were only coworkers, she just hates me…”
He was yelling now. Betsy’s hands were shaking on the judge’s bench. A bailiff crossed the room but the judge interrupted again, her face stone cold.
“Mr. —— what is your race?”
He stared at her for a second then ignored her question and began talking about how I had a horrible reputation at work.
“Mr. —- what. is. your. race.”
He stood quietly then finally answered, his tone was back to being composed and dismissive.
“Your age? Your weight? Your address?”
She was filling out the restraining order.
The judge read the details of her ruling then turned back to him.
“You will remain in the coutroom until Ms. Lorens has been safely escorted off the grounds. After this you will follow the bailif to the 2nd floor to make payment arrangements for the court costs.
His fists slammed against the counter.
“What?” he yelled.
I’d checked a box on the 6-page legal petition asking that he be responsible for the court fees that would have been waived otherwise. It was such a small act of defiance but his temper tantrum showed that I’d hit him where it hurt.
I was free to go. He beelined towards me, but the bailiff stepped between us. Betsy placed her shaking hand on my shoulder as she escorted me and my friends out of the room.
“What a goddamned liar!” Betsy gasped. “I’ve worked with a lot of assholes, but I’ve never seen anything like that. She was ready to punch him, I think.”
Betsy nodded towards the restraining order in my hand.
“You show that to your employer, and if they don’t get rid of his ass, you call me.”
We headed to Starbucks for a post-shit-storm-latte. The next day, my ex was suspended from work and banned from the hospital grounds. Two weeks later they held a meeting off-site and gave him one last chance to respond to the allegations. He spent two hours pacing the room, yelling about how I’d framed him and was trying to ruin his life. He’d worked at the hospital for 25 years and was eligible for early retirement in 6 months.
The next day, they fired him.
This was it– I didn’t have to worry about him cornering me or following me or ever threatening me again. He’d learned his lesson and I’d finally be able to heal from the abuse and the fear and begin a new chapter of my life. I was full of hope.
But I was wrong. So very wrong.
(Part One: Here) (Part Five: HERE)
(Part Two: Here) (Part Six: HERE)
(Part Four: Here) (Part Seven: HERE)
Conclusion: HERE
Have you ever kept working with an ex after a breakup? Who’s the worst liar you’ve ever encountered? Do you believe in Karma?
Want to keep in touch? Find me on Facebook.
Nice to see justice served. Or at least for now, though your last line implies the nightmare is not yet over…
Not yet over, no… unfortunately what comes next makes this whole episode look like a good dream. But! Justice was definitely served that day. It was an undeniable win.
Wow, I thought my ex was a train wreck until I read your story. I have no words for him, but I hope you can remain safe.
Thank you Mary. I’m sure your ex was still quite the train wreck! They seem to come in all shapes and sizes…
PS: I saw that you were freshly pressed! Congrats 🙂 I kept meaning to make it by and say something.
Thanks Aussa. Being pressed is really nice, keeps me motivated to write.
You are not allowed to end a post with a cliff-hanger. I’m sitting here going, “Crap…what happened? No. I am going to beat that douchebag. Oh shit what happened?”
However, there’s nothing like making them lose it in court. I made my ex toss a chair into the air just by explaining that I had been on a date when he tried to kidnap my daughter. Nothing like seeing him in cuffs… 😀
Bahaha I can’t deny that I’m sort of enjoying the cliff hangers… At least I only do this for one post out of the week!
And WOAH. That sounds waaaay dramatic. I can’t imagine seeing him in handcuffs… that sounds heavenly.
It was fantastic. Angels in State Trooper uniforms.
I love when people show their true colors.
I do not feel comfortable relating tales of my exes in a public forum, but one day, I will tell you all about it while I splash red wine onto our shoes.
YES. You nailed it with the true colors. And I totally understand not wanting to write it… and I feel like it will pay off all the more when we get sloshed and I get to hear it in person.
That’s an awesome conclusion! So happy for you.
Thanks Joseph! It was happy at the time, for sure.
Worst liars are tied between the kid’s father (abusive, two restraining orders for a total of four years) and my ex-husband (pathological, untreated mental illness).
If I believed in Karma, I would have to ask why I am being punished sometimes. Though I know that isn’t how it really works, that’s how it feels.
And, sad to say, I figured the firing and order weren’t the end of the story. Mine kept violating them back in the days of very few cell phones (and they didn’t work where we were) and it taking an arm and a leg to get any cooperation from the phone company. By the time I would call the police, he was gone.
Yikes. Two restraining orders? I am so sorry :-/ Mine doesn’t expire for another year and a half and I plan to be living in another state by then.
I totally agree with you on that karma feeling– I often think the same thing, like “what did I do to deserve this?!” but then I think we also don’t see how our circumstances relate to a broad string of things that make up our life and who we are…. woah, I accidentally sounded deep right there. But I really do believe in “purpose.”
That’s upsetting about the police and the phone companies. I hear a lot of stories like that, ugh.
That’s exactly what I was thinking too…it isn’t an exact swap or scorekeeping. It’s a big picture.
Mine expired a long time ago, those happened when the kid was a baby. I know where he lives now, after years of not knowing, but we are also planning on leaving here soon and hope to put more distance between us and him again.
“I’d highlighted every single text and call and flagged it with color coded tabs. It looked like a sorority banner you’d wave at a football game, it was so colorful and fluttery.”
Dear Aussa, I heart you. 🙂 I can see us happily skipping down the aisles of an office supply super store choosing highlighters and colored tabs and binders galore…… LOL
You know when I went to court for the hearing to get the regular order (versus the plain old “emergency order”), the judge asked him about when I left and he went on this rant about how I owe part of the $3900 he was behind in rent and was seeking to get half so he wouldn’t be evicted. The judge looked down at him over the top rim of his bifocals and said “Mr — this is a family court. We don’t deal with that here.” with that TONE that no one could mistake for anything other than sheer annoyance and disbelief. LOL I was nervous enough that I felt like I was going to gack all over the place, but at that second, I had to choke down a laugh. After which point he still proceeded to argue with the judge about the rent and the judge asked if he knew why he was there….. And he looked at me and glared, and the judge says, “That answers my question.” And he still tried to argue the rent. The judge said “That’s not her problem, she hasn’t been there since December, correct?”
Fortunately for me, he is allergic to working, so I didn’t have to see him there. He probably would have been fired for trying to steal office supplies anyway. And he is hands down the biggest liar ever. The worst in situations where he is caught off-guard. But I think he has lied so much he doesn’t even know what a lie is anymore.
Our exes sound sooo familiar on so many levels. Particularly the lying. I just don’t even know how someone has that much energy.
Your courtroom story is amazing. I know exactly that feeling! I was just like…”well thanks for making this an easy decision for the judge!”
Also, hilarious that you mention him stealing office supplies. My ex used to steal, of all things…. TOILET PAPER. I’m so embarrassed. I remember seeing a stockpile of our industrial brand toilet paper under his bathroom sink. A total WTF moment, that was.
What a fucking douche bag. I’m shaking, I’m so angry.
I do believe in Karma. Sometime she takes her sweet fucking time though. That part sucks.
Eventually everyone gets there comeuppance though, I believe.
Ah, no shakes! Or, actually, shake away… I like knowing I have an angry Nancy in my corner! I think that people have a way of bringing doom on themselves when they deserve it… that’s my take on karma.
And maybe it is best served up cold. Maybe. I’m an impatient bitch though.
I know how you feel. There is one person out there who I will maybe eventually write about whom I wish karma would hurry up and deal with.
Wow. You are such a talented story teller, Aussa. I’m not even mad at you for ending with a cliff hanger, because the cliff you created is such an amazing place to be. I am sorry you had to go through that, of course, but thanks for transforming that experience into art.
Thank you Ann! Love that you’re okay with being on that cliff. And a lot of people question the wisdom of writing about all of this but you really hit on something there– not that I’d call my writing “art” but it really is about transforming the experience into something that is… more.
Oh no…next installment- STAT! I’m so glad that he ‘got his”. :0) And good for you for kicking out the chair from under his early retirement. YEAH.
Haha! You know, at the time I was still so caught up and mind-fucked that I felt bad about it. Can you imagine? It’s so twisted, but I did…. now? Not so much! My mind is much freer now, ha.
Holy Shit. I don’t even need to write my restraining order story now. You just wrote it. And very eloquently. Except I was sobbing the entire time as I had just had a medical procedure done the morning of my hearing and was feeling extremely fragile (Yes I am an idiot). Good for you. And yet, I know there is going to be another chapter.
Oh no, really? Your story is a lot like this? Ah… that’s nuts. At least it sounds like you must have won! And oh my gosh, I can’t believe you were post-op?!?! That’s horrible. I know that I cried through my entire interview with the IA Investigator… I hadn’t slept in days, I was a wreck. So… right there with ya on that one.
You literally said a few things I was going to say. And now I feel like you will think I am plagiarizing you if I say them. Like the part about him in a suit. And the feeling walking in, being paranoid, hoping he doesn’t show. You got it exactly right. Oh man. Exactly right.
I will totally not think you are plagiarizing, but will just be in awe of the fact that the universe can cough up two equally shitty failed attempts at manliness.
“Post shit storm latte”. I think I’ve earned a few of those in my life.
Holy shit, you got him gooood!
I once dated (and lived with) a guy I worked with at Imrov. When I broke up with him, he quit (he’d worked there longer than me; years) and moved to the other side of town, but would still show up, call, even send letters. Nothing malicious, just incredibly awkward. He didn’t disappear until I told him I was dating someone else…during a horribly tense phone call solicited by one of his love letters. Yeesh.
I totally believe in Karma.
Starbucks really ought to add the Post Shit Storm Latte to their menu. You can add additional shots of espresso depending upon the amount of shit/size of the storm.
And that sounds incredibly awkward… people always romanticize the writing of letters and lament that it’s no longer common. I suppose there are two sides to that though, haha.
Starbuck’s ought to take a lead from you and name a specialty beverage “post-shit-storm-latte.” I sense a lot of people would relate to and order same. Alas, there seems to be more. I exhaled and now I’m thinking, this is how our justice system fails to corral countless wackos. You’re hear to share the story so in that, we are comforted. I think. I really want to know when your brothers get called in…
Haha yes! That’s what Beth and I were just saying– it needs to be on the menu!
And yes– I am alive enough to tell what happened so the ending can’t be toooo fatal…
Too early in the story to send you this?
Ahh hahaha! I mean… it’s relevant for a little while at least…
For the record, this is exactly how I naked-dance and lip-sing around my house.
Score one for Aussa! Of course… I know the story doesn’t end there. *hugs* It couldn’t have been easy to go through, any of it, but seriously Aussa, you kick ass!
Thank you, Rei!!! It was definitely a win, even if it didn’t end there.
Shit, do restraining orders apply only to physical distance or all forms of contact? Did he really not back off after all this?
Amazingly enough they apply to all forms of contact– at least, where I am. It is no longer a “distance” decree, it lays it out in no uncertain terms– they can’t contact you via electronic means, phone, or even through another person. Just telling someone to tell me something is a violation.
And… nope.
From what I’ve read, the penalties are different in different states, and bringing in the law can infuriate the stalker to the point where he may escalate. So it’s recommended to scope out the legal landscape before doing so.
It’s shocking how many victims wind up moving. And even *that* doesn’t always work.
No, it certainly doesn’t. There are a lot of really bad stories out there. Where I am, the first violation is a misdemeanor and a fine. The second violation is a felony and up to a year in prison. More if you are injured.
That sounds low. Only up to a year for a second TRO violation unless he actually hurts you? a year wouldn’t be that big a deal to some people. This is terrorism, it’s not just a little misunderstanding.
And if you fight back YOU go to jail. And men get cranky about women being mistrustful. If they want to do something about that, they should look to their own ranks.
It’s like withgang rape. The good guy isn’t the bystander who declines the opportunity. The good guy is the one who intervenes and carts the drunk girl home, even if that means being blamed for her being drunk.
These other guys don’t come out of nowhere. They should be shunned.
And yes, there are crazy obsessive women too, but statistically we’re a lot less dangerous. Though I have heard some good stories. Like the woman whose ex was really nasty to her, and when she finally got him out of the house, she sold off his extremely valuable collection of some kind of pottery for a buck a pop at a flea market. Imagine the fine pitch of rage required for such a move.
Haha! Yes, women are a whole different kind of dangerous.
And as far as fighting back…. if it ever comes to that, I’ll take my chances with the legal percussions.
Aussa: what I like about the porcelein revenge story is that if they didn’t have a court order about dividing up the property, there was nothing (legal) the guy could do. Breaking it all would have been tacky, but selling it to strangers at a dollar a pop? No way to trace it, no money to recoup or fight over, and a bunch of people got a nice surprise when they found out they’d bought something collectible and valuable at a flea market. Lots of good karma there!
Ah funny thing about no contact…. I had to REQUEST the court add a clause specifically stating that there was to be no third party contact of any kind… because they weren’t going to put it in. FYI if you know anyone going for an order, when in doubt ALWAYS specifically request to the judge during the hearing that they do so.
Good for you!
Hey, thank you! *fist pump*
He’s such a dumb ass!! What makes me so angry is that they know how wrong they are and what they’ve done and instead of confessing and moving on, they lie, lie, lie to make it so much worse. I’m glad that you got Betsy. She seems like an awesome attorney.
I so believe in Karma and waiting patiently for my turn:) I can’t wait to meet you one day.
Yes, keep fighting for that happy ending Manal! The road there is God-awful but it’s worth it. I hope to hear positive updates from you soon…
Just further reinforcement for me never wanting to be on your bad side.
Go you! Looks like there’s another chapter to this, but since you’re here telling the story, I’m just going to look forward to the happy ending.
That’s an excellent perspective, Guap– the waiting for a happy ending, I mean. Not the avoiding the bad side….. Though that’s probably not a bad idea either… 😉
Just kidding! I’m all sunshine and kittens over here for the most part.
Kittens!!! Arrrggghhh!!!
*runs for cover*
You are so bad to keep leaving us hanging! I suspect it has something to do with the whole “red-headed tart” business.
Muahahaha! Cliff hangers give me evil laughs. And oh yes, I will have much more to say about how much of a hooker I (apparently) am 😉
This story gave me chills. I think I have dated that guy. Not literally. But you know what I mean. I am riveted.
Agh, too many of us have dated this guy. I think I dated him twice. *slaps self across face* At least we both got free.
You got somewhere at least, Aussa! More than most will ever hope to come near to.
I hate thinking about that, Heather. As awful as this whole journey was, at least I can say it is behind me (for the most part, as far as I know). So many people live this kind of story for so many years… or their whole life. It needs to stop.
But if people see your story it could give those who have been through similar the courage to bring it forth.
That is a secret hope of mine, Heather.
That must have been so incredibly difficult to go through, seeing someone you once cared for and trusted behave like that. What strength you’ve showed.
Every day some crazy-ass loon isn’t harassing one, is to that extent, a good day. That shit can really wear you down.
Yes, it certainly can wear you down. And for some ungodly reason it makes you more susceptible for future entanglements with crazy-ass loons.
There was a part to this post that I actually deleted for the sake of space that talked about what you just said– how part of what was so difficult was knowing that I’d shared so much with him and that there had initially been truly happy moments. It just makes your brain and your soul hurt.
It’s hard because being nice or polite just encourages them, and you don’t know what they’ll do if you’re hostile. The whole trick is to figure out how to scare them worse than they’re scaring you. But it’s exhausting and it’s so much easier to hide.
Being open and trusting and giving people the benefit of the doubt seems to attract this kind of crap, unfortunately. They should teach stalker warning signs in school. The empty flattery and the specific undermining putdowns and all the little control moves. The lies and the self-aggrandizing and the martyr act. And the impressively polished act that sucks you in until he starts breaking character, by which time he has decided you are his possession.
Miep, your second paragraph absolutely nails it. They really SHOULD teach these sorts of things. Because all of these stories have those things in common.
Aussa: also the destiny thing. Where they act like you’ve finally come to your senses because Destiny. Even if they don’t use the D-word.
Yeah, Toxic People 101 could be useful. They’d have to be careful about making it gender-neutral. Or maybe we can just all learn this from the Internets now?
Interesting that my description of grooming resonates with you so much. The last time a guy was doing that to me, I had this kind of revelatory flash where I saw the pattern and the agenda. What really helped was talking to other savvy women on WordPress blogs. I tend to think in patterns a lot so it’s soooo helpful to trade notes.
I am so glad I did not meet a guy like that when I was 25. He would have eaten my lunch. I would have run. The guy I did meet was nuts, but when I broke up with him via cult, he did have the decency not to push matters, and eventually took his crazy elsewhere.
Oh man, I’ve gotten caught up in that “destiny” BS twice. Ugh.
OMG, there’s more? This is scary just reading about it! I’d be checking IN to a mental hospital in some faraway country by this point, having changed my name and gotten several cosmetic surgeries.
Haha! Jane, you crack me up! Yes, there’s more… I’m afraid. And luckily I had a proper Katy Perry “ROAR” moment that got my head straightened out a few months after this point or else I’d most definitely have ended up losing my mind.
So far, so good, Aussa. Well, not really, because of all of the crap that asshat put your through. But the court was on your side. I hope that when he resurfaced in all of his asshole-ery, Karma smote him dead. Or at least bleeding profusely from a nosebleed. I can picture his voice raging and his hands shaking and the judge peering over the top of her glasses at him. (The glasses think I may have made up altogether, but it fits, doesn’t it?) You done good so far, Awesome Aussa.
Thank you Mark! Love this: “Karma smote him dead.” I’ve never seen this variation of smite, I’m going to have to start using it. And yes, I think you are picturing it perfectly! The judge had this stern face and perfect blonde hair, almost so perfect it may have been a wig…
Did we ever no.. i made sure I never dated the work floor. he he
it is not a nice story but you made it made me smile. served him right to pay up
Liars? I met my share and yes I am revengeful and very very patient.. now I sound like a maniac
And yes a perverted me sat on my shoulder to. Like a little red devil crow. I would not mind watching a red haired woman with blue eyes and admire her as art 😀
hell am a sucker for ladies like that
And I do not know how a phone works… hey look nice picture.. send… text.. he he he loved it…. Duhhhh but i am not sure how they send that.. oh I do know how to delete as well. (there were no dumb people in the A-team)
So I am pretty sure I need to keep my mouth hut now before I am starting to look suspiciously stalker material ha ha
Haha! You crack me up, this comment was full of perfect observations and compliments, heeeyyyy!
SO funny about his “I don’t know how that works.” This SERIOUSLY was his go-to argument through the course of this entire thing. And yet he was a Green Beret and is standing there with a blackberry. Riiiiight.
Well glad I can make a pretty lady smile. makes the art even prettier.
Observations.. well yeah… do not have my eyes in my pocket. pretty sure i would break my neck and hit a pole when you walk by.
And I know I am perfect.. perfectly perverted enough to joke about myself seriously 😛
Bet that confused the Green beret. Sure they would have a book for it. Witty remarks for dummies. Riiight
Jesus, Aussa. On behalf of my gender, I apologize.
Haha, no need to apologize good sir. There are plenty of crazy biatches to balance these guys out.
Trust me, I know. It still irks me, though.
Yikes. But good for you and good to see some justice out there… sort of. Curious about the next bit. Also curious to meet someone who doesn’t know how phones operates. I’d like to smack them with a phone a few times, if it would help.
Right?! I’m like…. “Look, you’re old but you’re not THAT old.” Some smacking (with a phone… a fist… an SUV…) was definitely in order at that point.
Lord.
What a terrifying first-half-of-the-damn-story. I am truly hoping that episode 2 will be subtitled “he didn’t notice that truck flying in his direction before it slammed into him.” ( Sorry, I do tend to get mighty protective.)
Haha! I appreciate your protectiveness. A truck would have been a much simpler solution, I’ll tell you that. And possibly one he might have preferred by the time it was all said and done 😉
Wow… so… he was 50? I guess that just shows people don’t grow up… they just get older.
That being said, congratulations for sticking it to him! There is order in this universe after all! 🙂
Yes, sometimes things work out! I always have to remind myself of that when the next crappy situation comes along. And yep…. fifty. Actually… I think he was like 51 by that point. I was 25 when I dated him and he was exactly twice my age. Classy.
I don’t generally like to fight(well not anymore), but DAMN this is a guy I would love to get in a room with a car battery, jumper cables, a baseball bat or two, a few scalpels, some good caustic materials and some saline IVs to make the fun last longer!
HAHAHA! I don’t know if I can condone this behavior but let’s just say I watch quite a lot of “Dexter” to help myself cope.
Not sure if I believe in Karma. However, I do believe that, eventually we are all asked to account for our actions here on earth. It’s feelings like this that make me feel sorry for all those who have chosen to abuse others, just for the sake of having power. As I believe in God, I’m sure he would have a word or two to say to them about it, don’t you?
Oh, most definitely. I do think you are right about having to give an account for our behavior. I also think that people tend to bring doom on themselves in life… even if its not the doom we would prefer to see them end up with.
Yes, that’s true, but ultimately it’s a doom more appropriate to their “sin” than anything our limited human imaginations could ever conceive.
I don’t believe in Karma…but I want to. I would love this guy to get what he deserves…which I think might be getting eaten by alpacas.
Oooo! Yes, revenge by alpaca. It could still happen…
I definitely believe in Karma, not sure I always believe in waiting around for her to get her game together, though. I can’t wait to hear the next installment, because I want to hear about how you kicked his ass once and for all!
Right? Sometime’s karma needs to hurry up or have a wee bit of help. Next installment(s) coming soon!
After I finally got my kids to bed, I snuggled on the couch and checked my reader. As soon as I saw your part 3(?) to this story, I totally threw the phone down and grabbed a bag of chips…I knew this was going to be good.
Your writing, as always, hooked me! Girl, Lifetime network should fear this asshole. …and I can tell I don’t know the worst of it yet. How did he work in that hospital for that long and never once get escorted to the MHU by underpaid, under stimulated security guards who dream of take downs and stun guns?
HAHA! Yes, part 3 and I’m so glad I am chip-worthy entertainment!
The fact he continued to work there is absolutely baffling. And there are other details about that that I’ll have to work in at some point… it’s really quite scary.
Also, your description of the security guards is SPOT ON!
I almost feel bad at how entertaining your stories are to me. I have to remind myself that you actually went through all this shit.
Old, white (is he white? … he strikes me as crazy white) men in positions of power are very scary.
I have never met a security guard who wasn’t fired for being a bad cop, wished he could actually be a cop, is retired and wished he was still a cop or that was just bored and heard about a job where he could bully and “protect”. i’m so jaded.
Your security guard analysis is pretty spot on. We have some good hearted people on ours but there are a lot more of the types of guys you just described. It’s creepy as hell. I think that having a direct-care job at a psych ward appeals to similar types of people… we just hopefully weed them out quickly when these tendencies come to light.
And, actually he was African-American/French Creole. I usually don’t mention this because it doesn’t necessarily relate to the story BUT! I do feel like it gives me some sort of defense because he certainly did not LOOK like he was 50 years old hahahahaha
ooohh he sounds quite sexy. The crazy cancels out the sexy; however, on paper he sounds great.
I think I was projecting my own experiences when I asked if was white. I unfortunately worked for a Catholic hospital where about 98% of administrators were incompetent asses that graduated college to run things and make money. Actually helping people was never a priority and it was obvious to us working in the trenches. …phew…I haven’t had a good “job” rant in a while.
Ha! I am familiar with those people… I’d say that at the top tier at our hospital it is about 50/50. There are those who could go elsewhere and make more money but feel “called” to where they are and then there are those who barely scraped through their schooling and will plague us with their sadistical presence until retirement.
This should be a movie, Aussa, with a very happy ending after a bunch of crap!!
A “Lifetime” movie, no doubt! I’ll have to think of what hollywood arse-hole I’d like to have play him…
HALLELUJAH!!! Yes, I believe in Karma!! 🙂
Haha! I think I might have to go through and tally up the responses to the karma question… it’s pretty interesting!
You dun good. Keep it up, Aussa. He wants you to give up so don’t let him win.
That is EXACTLY the sort of thing my brother would say to me. It’s so true. Luckily I have some tenacity hiding underneath all this absurdity.
I hate this feeling … I just know this gets worse before it gets better. This type of guy never quits. Ugh. I hope it ends well. I have as an ex from 20 years ago that I still worry will come crawling back from the swamps where I left him. No justice is enough for him. I will forever wish him away from me.
For you, I hope for better things.
Wow, 20 years is a long time to still be worrying 🙁 I hate that feeling. I hope your swamp-thing stays far far away!
This might sound evil but I console myself knowing that 20 years from now he will be in his 70s and much less likely to be able to kick in my door.
I pray for his happiness because, when he is happy, he doesn’t have time to do bad things. And, that keeps me from freaking out …
I don’t know what it would take to make such a man happy… He has a strong desire for glory and respect. Wait. Maybe he should become a blogger!
Hahaha
Oh no, Aussa, I’m afraid of what comes next.
BB
You know what they say… it gets worse before it gets better. They say it for a reason! Thank you for reading along!
Ugh! I’d like to kick his butt!
Right?! Maybe I should just aaaaaccidentally let his name sleep out. Just once… just kidding! I wouldn’t wish this lot’s vengeance on anyone! Amazing people here 🙂
That’s a riveting post Aussa. Your “Hacker, Ninja, Spy” spidey skills were tingling and shining. Good work on the sleuthing and presentation. Sounds like there’s more to this story. I’ve only run into a couple of people like your ex in my lifetime (luckily for me none in a relationship). It has always seemed to me that anyone who lies that way is also evil. I’m not sure which comes first: the lying or the evil. It may be a chicken and egg question. I think they are connected through the supreme need of the liar to take care of self first to the exclusion or even detriment of all others – which is also a decent definition of evil. My prayers are with you.
Thank you, Paul. It really is a mess of a question to try and figure out how someone gets to be this way. I know some of his past (though how many details can really be believed?) and have tried to analyze his behavior but it does seem very “chicken and egg.” I think that there are variations of bad behavior and bad choices out there but of all I eventually learned of him I think it is safe to say that he was a certain level of evil.
I wish you didn’t ever to go through that. It’s a terrible experience. I could go on a long drawn out rant but I will spare you. Yes, karma is real. It may take awhile but in due time….
Well, I always like long rants 😉 But yes, it can take time for karma to kick in, I absolutely agree.
Aussa, this was satisfying to read, apart from your last lines… What a creep.
Thanks Nadia! The way it felt to read was definitely the way it felt to live it. Like– a victory! But wait.
You’ve got a great attitude, but if he made a badass lawyer’s hands shake, he must be one scary dude. I’m imagining him in jail serving time for complete lack of belief in his own obligation to live within society’s rules. At least he was not a credible witness, if he had been a charming liar instead of an openly belligerent liar you would have had a lot more trouble. Stay safe, Aussa!
Thanks Brenda! And yes, he can be charming at times– I think that’s what has gotten him so far and given him so many opportunities to hurt people. But by this point he was absolutely losing it. Thank. Goodness.
And I will never forget the way her hands looked when they were shaking… one of my friends actually started crying because she was so freaked out. It was just insane.
He obviously needed help. Perhaps he’s locked up in a inpatient setting…
This is all very cool and exciting, but this shit scares me. What if it happens to my daughter? That’s what plays in a loop in my mind over and over.
I wonder if he was a douchebag all along or if turning 50 was a trigger? I hope it was a preexisting condition. Otherwise, a lot of us are in trouble.
Before I was more worldly, I naively thought it might be kind of cool to be stalked. To be wanted that much.
Oh man, go up (down? IDK) and read one of Miep’s comments– she talks about the signs that need to be taught in school and absolutely NAILS it. There really are things to watch out for.
And it was absolutely a pre-existing condition! I eventually unearthed tales of his douchebaggery that went back to like 1996 and I’m sure that wasn’t even the beginning.
I have never had something so dramatic as this happen. This makes my stories about bullying look pitiful. I’m just so sorry you had to go through something like this. I don’t even want to think about how it can get worse…
NO this does not lessen your stories at all. Oh my God, no. I’d say it’s almost in a completely different category and the context in which these things happened to us + our ages/perspectives on life… no way. Bullying is a different brand of evil and for it to happen to someone as young as you were can ruin someone’s life. It horrifies me.
Rant, over.
And… it only gets worse so it can get better 😉
TK and Aussa: I think stalking and harassment are absolutely forms of bullying. It’s all about targeting people and trying to force them into roles that feed unhealthy needs. It’s all horrible, and TK you should know that Aussa would never pull that kind of “oppression Olympics” crap on you 🙂
Oh, yes– definitely bullying! Just of a different sort.
Luckily I’ve developed a taste for bullies. *chomp*
I’m going to let you say that, but my opinion stands. I can’t imagine ever going through something like this. I hope life gives you a huge pay off.
Is there no end to his douchbaggery, Madam Aussa? Ah, the foreshadowing! We await with baited breath.
Between your super model period and MyMutedVoice’s brief former career as a ballet dancer, I might have to start breathing into a brown paper bag, lest I begin to hyperventilate.
HA! I had to stare at that sentence for a second before I caught up with your meaning. Love this code talk!
And!
NO! No end to the douchbaggery! AGH!
A gentleman speaks with discretion. So do I. At times. }:-)>
You’re killing me, Aussa! For your attorney to fear him and say that she’s never encountered anyone crazier…AY! NO ME GUSTA!
Right?! I was like… this is not comforting!!!! And she deals primarily with custody battles and domestic violence and that kind of stuff. BAAAAD SIGN.
I wanted to be so excited and happy for you…but I knew that it was not going to be that “easy”. Even before I read the last line.
All I can say is that since you are here with us telling the story, things turned out for the better in the end. However…yikes.
I suppose the ultimate “spoiler” is that I am here telling this story, eh? 😉
Dude. Bad ass. You go girl. That fucker sounds like a lunatic.
I had one quasi boyfriend that I was terrified would go ape shit crazy on me… His e-mails (which I wish I hadn’t deleted) were threatening to say the least. And my brother saw his car drive through our neighborhood a few times. Thankfully, I think he moved out of state sometime thereafter. I just remember being super scared that he was just going to be there outside my house one day. I can’t imagine how you dealt with all of this shit.
Ugh, that sounds awful. I’m glad he moved away. I worry about him being outside my house every single time I open the door. It’s kind of pathetic. I also can’t wash my face without thinking he’s going to attack me from behind. If I’d had any clue how ridiculous my adult life would be, I wouldn’t have watched so many scary movies as a child.
Yeah, this all kind of explains why you’re a hermit.
On the bright side, you have an interesting job, a cool boyfriend, and a large dog.
BOOM! Exactly.
That sucks. And it’s terrifying. I hope he gets what’s coming to him. Thank goodness for nice guys now, huh?
Seriously!!!!
I swear all these guys are hatched from the same egg. My ex was a pathological liar and a thief. I lost count on how many jobs he ‘quit’ because he was caught stealing! Then he stalks me for 5 years. So I knew your ex didn’t leave things alone. They never do. They are crazy! Hell, I left the country because of his ass. Makes me mad all over again. Ugh. Well if your ex is anything like my ex I can almost guess what he did next. Poor Aussa, girl I can feel it coming. We should form a club or something. haha! Big hugs to ya girlfriend.
We most definitely need a club! I can already feel it forming throughout WordPress from all of the similar stories we are able to share. It’s crazy how similar these guys are and the thieving you bring up! I just responded to a similar comment about how my ex also stole the most random things. Awkward.
Have you read about Gulabi gangs? These are women in India who go around in pink saris and roust out bad dudes and beat them with sticks. In freakin’ India. What are we waiting for?
Haha seriously? Yes, seriously. Let’s make this happen.
I went to court with my teen daughter to put a restraining order on her ex boyfriend. He acted all stupid like he didn’t know what was going on and the judge just kept getting frustrated with him. It must be some kind of disease that affects only abusive men 🙂 I bow to you my lady for such great work. Can’t wait to read the rest and hope for a happy ending.
Wow, it really must be something they learn in their Handbook of Douchebaggery. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this with your daughter when she was a teenager… that is so young to deal with something like this, I’m glad she had you to support her.
So sorry you have to go through all this. I think he should have been a patient of the hospital not an employee!!
That’s like the ultimate punchline of this story! Anytime we were in court and we had to talk about where we worked or the fact we worked together I wanted to just burst out laughing and be like “Crazy, right?”
Maybe somewhere in that hospital is a defenseless, forgotten man, alone, drugged and confused as to what happened to his life while this Bat Shit Crazy douchebag runs around pretending to work at the hospital and messing with peoples lives. Sometimes truth is stranger then fiction. 😉
Karma is a bitch!! What goes around comes around Aussa. I am so sorry you have been thru all of this but it wasn’t your fault. I agree with michd74…he should be a patient!!! LOL! 🙂
Thanks Courtney! And yes– what goes around, in dead! He will certainly reap what he has sown…
Oh my gosh.
I don’t know if it is my sleepiness or a Freudian slip but I’m pretty sure I just wrote “in dead” instead of “indeed.” It flashed before my eyes just as I hit reply. And now I might wet myself because I find this so funny.
I wets myself in sisterly solidarity!!
Dying now! LOL! You be the bomb! When I read that I actually thought, “Hm…I think maybe she didn’t mean to say that! OR maybe she did!!” Have a great Monday!
He sounds like a full blown mental person. Yikes!!! That sounds scary… And I just know there is more to the story!!
Ah, there certainly is. And he definitely could have benefited from being on the other side of the walls at the psych ward, that’s for sure.
So many familiar threads here and your story definitely invoked my PTSD (not saying it’s a bad thing – in a way, in a kind of horrible way, it feels good to know that others know how I felt – it means that despite the abuser(s) saying I was crazy, and paranoid… it’s proof that I really fucking wasn’t…)
Still, I’m sorry you had to endure all of this.
Ah, I’m sorry I triggered you. This was the first time it actually sort of occurred to me that I might need to put something like “hey, this could be upsetting if…” at the beginning.
There really is something comforting about reading these same stories from other people, I absolutely know how you feel. That is one of the biggest struggles– thinking you’re just crazy and over reacting. It’s all such a mind game but hopefully telling these stories will help us remind each other of the truth.
My life suddenly appears so incredibly easy compared to others. You are one kick-ass lady, Aussa.
Everything is so relative, I often feel that exact same feeling when I read other people’s stories. Thank you, MM!
You are absolutely right. What a train wreck. I cannot relate to your situation, but I sympathize. This moron deserves everything that’s coming to him. Clearly you are far too good of a person to be around him. From your blog, I can tell that you’re smart, funny, and all-around awesome. These are qualities he clearly lacks.
Great sleuth work, Aussa!
Courtney
Aw, thank you Courtney! I don’t even know what to say other than that– thank you 🙂
Bit of a bad ass alright. And what happened next ? – you’re just leaving us dangling.
Muahaha, I know 😉 Give me ’till next week and I’ll write an update!
Worse then Dr. Who….
I am so, so glad I don’t have any exes like this! I’m actually still in touch most of my exes and pretty good friends with a few of them.
That is impressive. I’m pretty sure that means that you A: Have better, less twisted, taste in men and B: You are less twisted than me, in general.
Staying in touch with an ex is almost unfathomable to me. Luckily I don’t plan on ever having another one…
Yeah, I worked with a girl for a few months after we broke up in 1983. We still liked one another, so it wasn’t that bad… Except for the fact that she had left me for a woman, and had cut off most of her beautiful red hair to fit in with her new friends better. It was awkward. And sad. But we were both honest about it, and I hope she’s doing well wherever she is (I lost touch with her when I moved to Oakland in ’84).
My mother worked for criminal attorneys for 20 years or so, and claimed to be confounded by the abused women clients she met. The comments here about the similarities in abusive tactics made me think of her story. She said that when she first started working in the legal system and she’d see the women come in for divorces and restraining orders and such, usually after the abuser had finally done something that couldn’t be hidden or just lived down, and they had gotten up the courage to try to make a break away from the abuse and get on with their lives, she felt happy for them, and glad that she had been able to help.
After a few years, though, she said she started to see many of the same women return for more legal help, after as she said having gone out and hooked up with another abuser, and what really creeped my mom out was that many of them came in reporting the exact same kind of abuse as with their exes. She said that all she could figure about it was that people really are creatures of habit, and to many of these women the familiar, even when it was abuse, wasn’t as frightening as the unknown.
Somehow that story has stuck with me all these years (my mother was a wise woman) and in light of it, you seem to be doing rather well, just as I’d expect.
That is not surprising to me at all, though it is sad. I’m not necessarily qualified to speak on this phenomenon nor will I do it eloquently but there is definitely some sort of boomerang effect when it comes to victims of abuse– we are often drawn towards a specific “type” of person or behavior.
Likewise, we are often easily identifiable to someone who is looking for someone who can be manipulated and controlled.
It’s pretty disgusting and I feel pretty pathetic admitting that I found myself in that same cycle– this guy was #2 in abusive relationships (though the first one was a very different sort of breed) and I actually wandered into a reeeaaaaallly fucked up situation about a year after this guy too. Luckily, I think I broke that cycle.
From the outside, they all “seemed” different but in the end they had such similar behavior and my responses were so identical that I can’t deny there must have been some sort of weird thing happening that would cause this repeat behavior.
How to keep the mating-dance from turning into a power struggle? Or at least retain the semblance of grace in the dance-steps after the inevitable clash of biological imperatives with higher cognitive functions… Or lower ones, for that matter: those are powerful chemicals set like a booby-trap to make procreation seem like a good idea whether it is or not. There ought to be PSAs “This is your brain on attraction” but instead of laying there and getting fried, the egg gets up out of the pan and shoots itself in the foot.
I may need someone to animate that for us.
Not all men are such arseholes!
This is definitely something I know to be true. I just have this amazing ability to find the arseholes and fling myself at them like a lost Disney princess.
Something to work on then!
It’s great that you did all this, but I’m sorry you were wrong about the hope :(. Keep going though, he’s too much of an asshole to let him bring you down!
That is exactly how I felt about the situation! The more of an asshole he was, the more I was like “nope, not letting you win this one.”
Certified ass kicker
Haha, awesome! Now I want some sort of certificate I can hang on my wall.
Do you not get a physical copy of the restraining order?
Yes, yes I suppose that could do nicely. I have a million copies, stashed all over the place.
Blow it up to A3, paint a picture of a dickhead on it. Triumph Art.
“You come at the Hacker Ninja Hooker Spy, you will always miss”
Awesome stuff Aussa. And a high 5 to Betsy too.
Haha, thank you! Yes, she definitely deserves one– if only for the delicious affirmation of her insults.
Apparently your ex has more than one frayed wire in his brain-box. He simply doesn’t get it, which would be fine if he was directing his particular brand of ass-hattery towards you, my lovely friend.
There appears to be a lot of this going around lately. Some people walk among us but their eyes see an alternate universe that suits their whims and sick, twisted desires. Fortunately, as I’ve said before, he picked the wrong chick to mess with…
Be well, Aussa and thank you for the journey. (Reading your work is akin to taking a trip down Route 66, and for that I am eternally grateful.)
Thank you Robert! It’s pretty damn scary how similar his behavior is to a lot of abusers. He seems to be pretty damn “textbook,” unfortunately. What you said about people walking around and seeing the universe as a place to suit their whims is exactly right… and it’s freaking scary. We have to all be more careful, I’m afraid.
I loved your usage of the word asshat.
Thank you! Someone else first said it on here or on their blog and I stole it… oh dear… who was that? They deserve attribution. It just says so much.
this is so crazy scary and i can’t believe there’s more. i absolutely believe in karma,
It’s like a bad dream you can’t wake up from, haha
“But I was wrong. I was very wrong.” sounds not like “chapter closed”. I hope for a happy end for you.
Unfortunately not yet… as far as the chapter closing. But I will make my happy ending, dangit! I am well on my way.
Holy Shitzola Ausssa Lorens/HNH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel a sequel is on the way and that is not a good thing. I feel like we must get your signal done and I just had a vision for one….but I’m on my way out to hike and had to read your post quickly! Give me time H.Ninja H. It will be on fire in the skies!!!!
Haha! Woah I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many exclamation points from you, this is exciting!!!
🙂 Well….your writing deserves it! And the signal…it’s in my head. I don’t know if I can get it “transcribed”. Will be to it this evening!
Huzzah!
Back at home so I can respond to these things without it taking an hour! 😀 I think you’ve written bits and pieces about his attempted revenge against you when talking about the Other Woman. Can’t wait to hear more than peripherals. I was even shaking a little bit while going through the hearing. For me, everything in this category revolves around basically one person. Though there was the crazy stalker girl from online dating. That became scary. Anyway, good read 🙂 You really deserve the blog recognition you were given last week.
Oh, thank you Paul. And yes– I hinted about this whole story but knew I couldn’t really tell it until I got to the point where I was willing to talk about the whole naked photo thing. That sucked, big time. But it had to be said…
PS I totally understand not wanting to comment from your phone, half the time it makes your words disappear and then you run the risk of throwing your phone in anger, etc.
“But I was wrong. So very wrong.”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO – I was so happy about the happy ending. I will cut this motherfucker… What a douche monkey!
Haha!!! “Douche Monkey” is a new one for my list 😉
Wow. This is the story that just keeps going with twists and turns everywhere. He is a total idiot though and that’s the only comforting thing. I was screaming “No!” at the end too. I absolutely believe in karma. I have to. It’s the only thing that brings solace to me when I think of all the injustice in the world. I hope he’s not still a danger to you!
Twists and turns everywhere is exactly how I felt when I was living it. Once this is all written and out there then I can make references to it when telling other WEIRD stories with overlaps. This life is so odd, I would sometimes swear there are a group of people sitting in a room writing it.
What a looney!!! You are a badass for handling all of that so well.
Thanks Nicole! At the time it was happening I was only barely handling it. It was more of a “hunker down and survive” sort of mode. But now I can laugh about it all, which I would never have imagined. Must remember that for the next shit-storm.
More and more, Aussa, I am convinced that the workers at your institution are really the patients! Not you, of course… 😉
Great read, horrible ex, on edge of seat waiting for the rest.
Oh, by the way, my niece has an ex like this. At one point she was having to move her dresser in front of the apartment door just to get a night’s sleep! He was cuckoo for cocoa-puffs in a dangerously violent way. And she had a son to protect as well! I am hoping beyond hope that the next chapter doesn’t involve scary life-threatening danger!
Be safe, Aussa!
Oh man, your poor niece. I know that feeling so freaking well. I still feel this way, waiting for him to show back up. UGH. It’s disgusting that they can continue to affect us like this even when we’ve gotten away. I hope things are better for her now!
And you are definitely SO right about the workers at the psych ward. I’ll always say that there are plenty of amazing people there, with great hearts who do good work, but they are not as fun to write about 😉
And there you have it. 🙂 Yes, niece is doing better, thanks. She still wishes the authorities would return the guy to jail for more than 6-months. Then she’d be free to extricate him legally from ALL parental responsibilities! (Guess I neglected to mention he’s also the dad…)
What a psycho. Plain and simple. I’d write more, but I know you have plenty of other comments to respond to. Plus, Angelle’s posting the George Michael video is pretty hard to top.
Haha! Oh I always like hearing from anyone and everyone, Chris. I’m also not opposed to receiving George Michael music videos, *nudge, wink*
When I first started reading your saga a couple of weeks ago, I thought that it was funny and not so serious. OK, he sent naked pictures, and you seem to have a sense of humor, and I made a joke…..then part 2, part 3 with the conclusion still left open by after receiving your restraining order you were full of hope but were so wrong…..I have found myself getting more and more pissed at this guy…..a testament that you should never piss off a writer and your writing…..Out of everything you said….I cringed when you said he was fifty and by his immaturity…..I thought he was younger than you……He has given older men with younger women a bad name…..now I have to go talk to my friend Johnny Depp about his recent engagement to Amber Heard. 😉
Ah, I’m sorry it’s gotten you angry and yet… it’s good to take stories like these seriously, I think. My humorous take definitely contributed to that. It is how I deal with things… it’s like the life-cycle of all my experiences, they eventually make it to the humor stage of memory.
And what is this about Johnny Depp?! I thought he was married to some French woman. Or, “not married” but practically married. Hmmm how weird, must google.
I’ve said this to you before…I want to know the rest of the story. You are great at the hook as far as writing goes. Now, since this is real life and actually happened to you, I hate that I want to know more because I fear that the more means pain for you. But still. I want. Damn.
Ha! It’s so true, and you’re hilarious. No worries on being entertained by my misfortune… I wouldn’t write it if I didn’t know it was horrifying entertaining 😉
*horrifyingLY (ugh)
I love that moment when we all have hope, those glorious, on average 30 minutes, before the bottom falls… again.
Hahahaha yes, THIS. If I’m not careful I can believe that my life is just a series of such misplaced moments of hope!
I have a friend – David – who has a line for such situations: “It is always darkest just before it goes completely black.”
Hahahaha it sounds like David and I share a similar perspective on many things!
Yeah David’s had a “challenging” life and yet he always bounces back with humour – much like yourself. Or, as he says: “You know sometimes you’re running full out in life and you hit a brick wall so hard it knocks you down and bloodies you. So, when you regain consciousness , get up, wipe off the blood and dirt, you carry on in life again. It is when I feel like I am attached to the wall with a bungy cord, that I start to wonder.”
You and your cliffhangers! Although I’m worried for you, I’m so anxious to know what happens next!
This is the first time I’ve ever used cliffhangers… they really are quite fun haha. That’s my way of being sure everyone knows not to celebrate *too* much 😉
I thought the last installment with the douchebag ended on a “WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!” note, but perhaps I just imagined that because I wanted to know so badly, haha.
Oh, no, you’re right! I meant for this whole series of stories– there have been 3 and I think I’ve ended each one with a *DUN DUN DUUUUN* sort of moment 😉
Haha. I just watched the newest Revenge and that had a dun dun duuuun moment as well. It’s not a bad thing to have…
Haha! Okay, I have to admit that I watched Season 2 of that show whilst dealing with this situation and it was pretty therapeutic. I need Season 3 to hit Netflix…
Do you use Hulu Plus? I’ve been watching s3 via that.
Ooo… no, I don’t… I have Netflix (and by “have” I mean “I guessed my brother’s password”) maybe I should look into this…
Haha, I have Netflix thanks to my friend Krista saying “we might as well use it too” so I can’t complain!
I like Miep’s idea, Gulabi gangs!! Be safe! 😀
Yes, seriously! I don’t think it would be too difficult to recruit…
First of all, I’m so sorry all this shit has happened to you. We may only know each other online but to me you’re an amazing woman. Glad this piece of shit is getting what he deserves after what he did to you.
I dated a guy once when I was about 20 and he tried to tell me I was not allowed to do certain things or even have male friends. I quickly dropped his ass before it got out of hand. Never heard from him again, thankfully.
Ah, you were clearly stronger and more in touch with reality than I was! He was so subtle about the things he forbid… it all just snuck up on me until I was like WTF. Ah, lessons learned and all of that.
This guy sounds so much like my ex-husband. I want you as my lawyer next time I go to court. Or maybe I need to be your apprentice. You are one badass lady.
Ugh, these guys are all the same. I am glad he is your EX husband at least. And yesssss we could just form some sort of kick-ass support group and accompany each other to legal proceedings.
Gahhhhhh the cliff…. I’m hanging!
Hold on tight! For just a week 😉
Wait a minute, he had to be there, you had an attorney and there was a scheduled hearing just to get a restraining order? What kind of backwards system is that? When I got mine, it was walk-in–no lawyers, no abusers, just a bunch of battered women in a waiting room.
Standing in front of a judge to explain why you need a restraining order is the most vulnerable things you can do. Good for you.
It was horrible. And wow, that’s awesome that they allowed you to do it without him there. If he hadn’t shown, they would have continued it and if he didn’t show the second time then I would have been able to make my case and see if the judge would give a default ruling against him. Having him there was HORRIBLE though it sort of worked out, I suppose.
Lots of women didn’t have attorneys… I just like to go above and beyond, haha.
And here I was complaining in a post just the other day about how the courts that give restraining orders aren’t 24 hours. If they were, my abuser would have been arrested instead of just detained and set free, which meant never facing any charges at all for trying to kill me. I guess handing out restraining orders like candy is one thing the US gets right.
You may have just inspired me to write a post about getting mine. 🙂
Yes, please do!
Sometimes I am embarrassed to be a man… sigh…
Ah, nah. As long as you don’t engage in douchebaggery.
I really am exactly the person I pretend to be. I might be self-centered, egotistical, opinionated and rude, but I never hurt other people. I just don’t have it in me.
REALLY AUSSA?? You are killing me here! What a piece of work he is! I am so happy you were so prepared and just shut. him. down. Right there in the courtroom! OMG! You are such a fabulous writer/story teller I swear I was standing right there with you! I am not kidding! I cannot wait to hear what happens next! I have been so busy at work I even missed a post! A post with over 300 comments! Lookit you go girl! You know that “mama bear” we have spoken of in the past? Well, now she is a very proud mama bear. That’s weird, I know, but I hope not too weird..
Haha! Thank you Julie! And I’m glad that the story is coming across well… this is a story I so badly want to tell and yet I HATE writing it. I put it off all week until Sunday and then am like uuuuuuggghhhh okay. So I’m glad it is still coming across okay!
That judge lady kind of sounds like she rocks.
YES. She nailed him. It was amazing, and I was sooooo afraid of her. Her reputation is that of a woman who doesn’t take shit. She certainly lived up to it.
DoubleDoucheDickBag. You need to write a novel, girl, or be the sexy good cop with the gritty attitude on a TV crime caper
Ha! I don’t know if I could pull of sexy good cop so I’ll just have to aim for the novel 😉
Oh dear god, Aussa, is this not the END of it? Please tell me it ends with him in a plastic tub filled with hydrochloric acid a la Breaking Bad and you then secretly find out that he was a zillionaire and that, despite his sick hatred of you, he left everything to you in his will, and you convince his wife to declare him dead (after all, he’s melting in acid) and the two of you run off and start a private investigation agency together in the Bahamas, and that you need a third sexy partner to help run things/catch up on her tan. (Hint: the third would be me. I’ll even accept that the name of the agency can be Aussa’s Angels, so long as I don’t have to get a Farrah Fawcett hairdo).
HAHAHAHA! Whoever is writing my life story is fired and I need you to replace them. This sounds like a MUCH better outcome… especially that hydrochloric acid bath. Know where I can get some?
WAL-MART, surely. They have everything there.
Ha! Yes. Probably so.
Lots of HCL available all over the place online and at Walmart too. I think it’s a matter of where to get the really strong stuff, though.
Wow! Thanks so much for sharing your story – could help others.
Thank YOU for tweeting it. I am always glad to hear your feedback, given your expertise.
FUCK YEAH! I am SO proud of you for pulling everything together, seeking the help and protection you know that you needed and deserved, and facing that jackass and taking him down.
Don’t ever doubt it, lady, you are a strong woman who is in total control and who can handle anything.
Huzzah! Thank you! That’s exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear and believe at that point because it was like deja vu from then on out, ha!
OHMIGOSH! So glad the judge had some common sense. My family could’ve done with her in a (sadly) more awful situation where the asshat judge sided with the perpetrator. Still going through it now. GOOD FOR BETSY. And good for you.
And NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo can’t believe you left us on another cliffhanger! Ow!
Argh, I’m sorry that your family is going through an effed up situation 🙁 As frustrating and horrible as all of this was, it was so reassuring when someone “official” came out on my side. It made me feel less crazy. I hope that your own battles turn back in your favor and that karma comes to the perpetrator.
Will this nightmare ever end? This nut needs to be locked up in your hospital. Thankfully, I’ve never dated someone I’ve worked with.
You are wise Jill! I did it… twice. Both were absolute nightmares. Let it never be said that Aussa is a quick learner.
And will it end? I think so… I mean… I feel like it will. Haha!
This is why I don’t read suspense or mysteries, because I fear the worst. I only like happy endings. I am waiting for you to say that Dorothy dropped a house on him, but real life doesn’t work that way. Surely he doesn’t read this blog? I guess if doesn’t “know how to work a cell phone,” then that answers that. Maybe the point of his life was to be your blog fodder and get you a million followers and a book deal and you can have the last laugh. 🙂
HAHA! Oh, Kerbey! That would be an excellent outcome, eh? And no… I highly doubt he reads this. He didn’t even have an internet connection at his house *slaps forehead*
Though he definitely knew how to operate a cell phone, ha!
Yes, I had to work with two exes, at the same time, after breaking up with them. Nothing crazy like this motherf*cker but… it was still a time. One ex was still trying to get me to talk to him and was triangulating me in all sorts of conversations. Having other people come talk to me to try and convince me to talk to him. Sending other people to quiz me for why I broke up with him. It was cray cray. But at least it was generally manageable other than the discomfort of it all!
Thanks for sharing all of this though – from some comments you’ve made above I can tell it’s the line between processing some of this and yet needing to continue your story for us readers. You are brave, girl! 🙂
Thank you! And your break up scenario sounds uber awkward. That is the worst, I think… yes, “breaking up is hard to do” but man… when it’s over, just let it be over. Begin that horrible process of moving on. When someone feels the need to repeatedly badger you on “why” or enlist other people… it gets so exhausting.
And, thank you for reading all of it! You pretty much summed up my feelings haha.
If you want to break up with someone, or unfriend them for that matter, “why” is “because I say so.” It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you owe someone an explanation, but that’s just asking for trouble, they’ll throw it back in your face. And if “why” is “because you don’t in the least respect me or my boundaries,” any attempt to debate this argues your point for you. It’s like getting mad at someone for not trusting you simply because you declare you’re trustworthy. It’s an ongoing assault on your agency and is best nipped in the bud. This is another thing they don’t teach in third grade, alas.
I don’t mean to imply you handled things poorly – a fullblown sociopath can be extremely talented and fool everyone, including lie detector tests. While it is true that such people will look for those they deem easy marks, some of it is purely bad luck as well. And there is also the paraphilia thing, which is why I can totally understand your getting freaked out by people who say they have a thing for redheads. If the attraction is about some unusual physical attribute, that’s a fetish, and fetishes can get very weird and obsessive.
Hi Aussa!
Could you hear me cheering aloud in the background only to gasp at the end? Truly thankful you had a smart judge and lots of supportive people on your side (how could you not?) Admittedly, I’m still worried about “the end.” He seems just narcisstic and crazy enough to continue this rant. I’m eager to read the next installment…especially the part that says he moved far, far away never to bother Aussa again 🙂
Please tell me that’s next, okay?
Hugs!
Ha! Oh, how I wish he would move far far away! Alas, I think I will be the one to do the moving… and it will feel magical to walk out my door without worrying he is waiting for me.
I love that you cheered and then gasped (evil evil storyteller side of me, I apologize). And yes… I had a great deal of support, despite being so ashamed that I barely told anyone about it. Having the judge and the police come down on my side was reassuring enough to make me keep pushing on through it. It’s definitely a reminder to “be there” for people when they’re going through stuff. It can make all the difference in how they come through it.
Oh girl, no– you can’t leave it hanging like that, on a holiday! When I have nothing to do but paint my nails and read blogs! Can’t wait to hear the rest, of course.
I’d be ready to go all frying-pan crazy on him, if I were you (except for the, um, assault charge issue, lol). But, that behavior is TOTAL BS. Good for you for nailing him.
rock the heck ON
Ha! I am on holiday as well… I should really paint my nails, that’s a good idea 😉
And yes, frying pan crazy indeed. It was hard to balance that desire with my legitimate fear of him and my desire to be above reproach by the law. Still.. if he ever comes in my house… dun dun duuuun
I am a full blown member of the ‘crazy ex club’. In fact, mine is currently in prison for coming into my grandmother’s house in the middle of the night (while he was supposed to be at his house with our son for a visit), held a gun up to her head, and stole her purse. (This is 5 years after breaking up with him because he was an abusive moron to begin with). He gets out in 2017…I may be in the courts at that time getting my own restraining order b/c it will be a cold day in hell the next time he gets to see his son.
Woah. Heather that is a horrible story. That anyone could do something like that to your Grandmother is unfathomable. Getting a restraining order when he gets out is probably a good idea– never stop sticking up for you and your son. What a horrible human.
T’was like an episode of SVU man. Looking forward to the concluding part…
Ha, see!!!!! THIS is why I don’t watch TV, Sean! I live it.
Ha. Brilliant. That you do my dear. That you do.
I hope karma exists 😉 This fuckwit needs it to bite him in the ass – more 😉
Agreed, Linda! I cannot agree more…
Wow… that must have been terrifying for you. What a horrible, evil cumstain of a sub-human. Fortunately I have managed to avoid dating anyone from work but I’ve definitely seen it end badly for others.
I’m pretty sure that it never ends well for anyone… at the same time, my workplace seems particularly incestuous– everyone is married to each other and related. But I think they did it in the proper order and met elsewhere.
This reminds me of Judge Judy. Kick ass judges ftw.
Except with these kinds of crazies you never win, only delay the craycray bite back usually.
I honestly hope this asshat has disappeared from your life by now. I really really do.
S xx
Haha, yes! She was so hard core, I think she’d intimidate Judge Judy. And seriously that is so true… these kinds of guys just slink back to their holes and plot for ways to come back in even more horrible fashion.
Yikes! Not only is that guy off-balance, but he is one of the world’s worst liars. “I never even heard of a moon. I thought that was God’s eyeball” “What’s air? I never heard of that” “Who am I? I have no idea. I never heard of me before today”
I hope Sam Waterston gets word of this and does it some dramatic interpretation justice.
hahahahahaaa best comment win!
I read this at a stoplight earlier and was dying laughing. Seriously– you nailed it. It was the most ridiculous defense ever and yet somehow this was enough for the investigators at work to declare him untouchable. He just said “no” over and over and declared himself inept at technology. Absolutely baffling.
I hope my making you laugh is covered on your auto insurance or that could have been bad.
In all seriousness, though, I am sorry that someone like that ever happened to you, in the first place. We need to discover an uncharted island and start dumping people like that there and let them live out some Lord of the Flies existence.
That has to be the best proposed solution ever. Or, at the very least, a good premise for a Hunger Games spin-off.
I was going to add a witty comment to this post but I’m tired and sick and Calahan up here just won best comment 2014, so I’ll just say…
Bwahahahahaha
Bwahahahahaha
Snort
God’s eyeball
Boo, sorry you’re still sick.
And yes, his comment wins all.
Best comment of 2014, so far. It is only January, after all. 🙂
I am anticipating your next chapter with dread. What a terrifying experience this must have been.
Well… I’ve not written it yet but I feel like at the very least the chapter AFTER that will be more fun 😉
You are such a badass! Get it girl!
Huzzah, thanks Carrie!
I’m so sorry you had to go through all this! I sincerely hope you have a happy ending!
Thank you, Roshni! I believe in happy endings, even if they don’t always look the way we expected them to.
Holy shit! I was going to say what a nightmare, but that’s way beyond a nightmare. Good job in your research, though.
It was like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from… and yet, I learned to handle it better each time he resurfaced. Thank you!
Oh, and I love that he was fired before he could retire!
Right? And somehow I am the villain for taking this away from him. Hmmmokay…
This is like reading a best-selling thriller novel! I was on the edge of my seat the entire time – and I can’t wait to hear the ending (assuming it HAS ended…because, as you know, asshole ex’s are like an infestation of ants…VERY hard to exterminate!)
Ha! Yes, that is a fitting comparison. An absolute infestation… Time to break out the big guns/harsh chemicals…
That had to be incredibly scary, and yet pretty sweet to get that little bit of justice, of recognition, at last. Good for you for keeping all those records – I’m sure you certainly surprised him that day. I haven’t read your past stories, so I’ll have to look back, but working with an ex that’s also abusive? How horrible.
Yes! It was such an all around win, finally. And I have learned to be quite the fastidious little record keeper… it’s almost ridiculous at this point. I have an entire shelf in my office dedicated to this man.
He actually made a beeline for you! That must have been so scary! Oh but look at how you showed him up in court. The loser didnt even see that coming. Whether karma exists or not… you my dear have the courage and the brains to ensure an abusive fuckwit got exposed. I’m so proud of you! Oh but he came back for more? Your last line gave me shivers. :O
Yes, it was baffling that he would head towards me like that! What was his goal?! He was doing his best to be intimidating but by the end he just looked like an idiot. I think he was absolutely caught off guard… when we were together, I never argued with him for more than like 45 seconds. This was a break from the pattern, haha.
Wow that would have totally shocked him. I am just very glad that everyone finally got to see how idiotoc he is.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m cringing as to how this doesn’t end it. I’m forever thankful that my worst boyfriend was just a freeloader whose worst offence, other than stealing camping gear from his work, was to once eat my dinner (while crashing at my parents; while I was working late. I suspect my parents’ partially orchestrated the whole thing to encourage me to see “the light” and get him out of our house).
That said – I’m SO happy he obviously met more than his match in you. Well done for sticking up for yourself and staying with it. I think people like that just keep going if they aren’t stopped – so there needs to be people like you who stand up and decide to make it stop. Go Aussa!
Thank you so much Louise– and I think you are absolutely right about him not stopping. It wasn’t like this was just an unfortunate set of circumstances that came up… I learned so much more horrible stuff about his past the more I looked into him. He had a long history of this sort of treatment and other shady stuff. Little did he know some random girl the age of his children would be his downfall, bahaha.
Sounds like he was so arrogant that he thought everyone would automatically believe him so when he was caught in his lies he didn’t know what to do. Hah 🙂
I was feeling very happy and excited for you until I read your ominous last line.
Do you have anti-stalking laws over there? We’ve only had them for a few years but this asshat sounds like a prime candidate for some prison time. Or is that to come in the conclusion (I hope)?
You’re an incredibly brave person to have seen this all the way through the courts.
Yes, exactly! Apparently his go-to defense has always been as simple as “I don’t know” and “I didn’t do it.” Somehow this has always worked for him?! And he thinks he’s so damn clever and impressive… not anymore.
We definitely do have anti-stalking laws and I think they are become better defined as time passes. Still… charges were never actually picked up by our District Attorney so I don’t know how bad it has to be in order for them to take it seriously. It was enough to get the Restraining Order though, and that was enough to get him arrested if he ever came around again. So that’s a start.
Wow. That was so very brave of you. I am so impressed with the way you have handled this whole ordeal.
But I cringed at the last line of your post. Keep safe.
In moments like that, it was almost more like an out of body experience… and thank you, Mike! I certainly do my best to be safe now.
fuckin hell…. that’s crazy shizz right there… You poor thing… wow. Scary isn’t even the word
Haha yes, crazy shiz indeed!!! That is EXACTLY what I call it.
Im absolutely exausted after that. I feel like I have been watching some Gritty courtroom drama. I felt like jumping up and shouting things like ‘OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!’ I was about to say how glad I was the story had a happy ending, until you through in the end of season cliffhanger comment at the end. But let’s relish in your victory for nowm round one to our very own Erin. I have only dated someone at work once. It ended badly, but luckily we were working at different branches of the company by that time, so dodged a bit of a bullet there. And finally, I cerainly do believe in karma.
Too bad you weren’t there on the actual day, I could have benefited from these objections… it really is funny how much it IS like a courtroom drama when you’re standing or sitting up there.
You definitely dodged a bullet– I had a breakup once where we kept working in the same tiny building. It was beyond complicated. Future stories…
Oh. My. Gahhhhd. Seriously? He did NOT keep bugging you after all that. I can’t wait to read what happens next. And I’m sorry at the same time. I’m only excited because I know you will ultimately prevail. What a fantastic jackass. Six months before early retirement. Haha. In your FACE, Dr. Butthole.
Hahahaha right?! What an ass! Seriously, how do you make it that far in life and then choose to do something so incredibly stupid that jeopardizes everything. It was hardly a crime of passion for him to buy the thing, activate it, and then go on his mass-messaging spree. Except he doesn’t know how all of that works… right.
Hahaha it IS amazing. Aside from stalking, I don’t think there’s anything less attractive than playing dumb. Stoppit.
Oh my word. It’s sad that you have to jump through so many hoops to get a restraining order. 🙁
After I broke up with my ex, I was grateful to move on to another job right away. He claimed he wasn’t cheating on me. But when I answered his phone one day and discovered a woman on the other end of it, well, the hand writing was on the wall.
Ugh, that is awful. I’ve discovered infidelity a few times but never out of chance like that. The universe was definitely doling out Karma against that guy– busted!
I believe in karma. And it’s a mother f’er. So I hope your ex is somewhere in a state of oblivion bent over and taking it where the sun doesn’t shine. Especially since there’s more to the story…
Ha! I suppose this could possibly be happening, I wouldn’t want to know about it though…
(Slow Clap)
The slow clap is for beating this guy in court. It’s also for writing an awesome post about it.
I love it when you give me slow claps.
You know
I would have thought you were smarter than to allow the photos in the first place!
It doesn’t add up
The obvious problem with “quodlibet ens est unum, verum, bonum seu perfectum” is that “quodlibet” is undefinable in this physical world – kind of like trying to divide by zero. Unless, of course, you would like to apply for the position – in which case you definitely have a head start because your ability to judge is certainly a quality that will be highly prized in a supreme being candidate.
Not judging, I’m certainly capable of stupid things. I kind of thought Aussa was a superior being. I mean reading her blog she really is way beyond most people and certainly me.
🙂 So my comment was facetious.
Ahh.. no worries. And! Let this be a lesson: Aussa is superior to no one. Aussa stumbles about the world in an almost constant state of confusion and weak-willed resolve.
Oh, I’ve made plenty of decisions that were less than wise. In hindsight, it was obviously a mistake but I didn’t realize just how far off the deep end he would eventually go.
You go girl! Get him and give him that nice kick in the ass! I strongly believe in karma and I think it’ll come back to bite him really hard! He’ll get what he’s got coming for him (: I feel there’s a next part to this, can’t wait to read it!
I think Karma will definitely take it’s sweet time repaying him, that’s for sure… she may have already started 😉
Next part… coming soon!
These type of people never give up. They have an unshaking belief that they are absolutely in the right, and they have an amazing way of justifying (to themselves and anyone who will listen) everything they do, and twisting everything to make themselves look like the victim. That’s why I know that the happy ending in this story is only temporary. I anxiously await the next installment…
Thank you Vanessa, you totally nailed it with this statement. It can be so difficult to wrap your mind around this because you always think that you can somehow “reason” with this person but this mentality is too inwardly focused for that.
It occurs to me that if I ever need a restraining order, I’m hiring you to help me.
Oh, I will do it for free. And then we can go to Starbucks afterwards.
Two things. 1. I can picture the spit flying as he paced the room trying in vain to look innocent. and 2. I am so glad you have brothers.
Ha! I suppose the brothers come in handy but so far I’ve fought all my own fights 😉 They’re a good cavalry to have on backup though.
Where do I enrol in the Aussa Lorens protection league?
The measure of a person is how they act when things don’t go well, not when life’s good (miss quote) You are quite something! Phew
Haha! You are officially enrolled! Between the stories I’ve heard in the comments I’m pretty sure we can all band together and eradicate ass-hats and bullies from the planet.
I’m hooked. You’ve got guts…and in real life(as opposed to reel life) it takes a lot of those to fight such people…..! awesome….
Thank you Ayesha! It really was an awful time of life and I did NOT feel gutsy… but he pissed me off just enough to not let me give up!
Oh, dear, everything falls into place to make this lunatic go off the deep end. I dread your next chapters on this, but since you are still writing, I assume you came out of this okay 😉 The thing is, with domestic violence, successfully getting a restraining order is often what tips the crazy person over the edge. Add to this, his life shattering around him (thanks to his own bad behavior). At this point, what does he have to lose? I have no sympathy for him, and of course the alternative of letting him get away with anything is unacceptable. You weren’t safe before the restraining order. Ironically, you’re less safe after it, in this case especially, since the guy is certifiably crazy.
You are so right– it is such a Catch 22 because you HAVE to fight back and yet you’re leaving them with so little that they have nothing to lose by lashing out. This is the reasoning that led to many sleepless nights but yes! I’m still here so he didn’t act out tooo much on his crazy (at least not yet).
This is amazing. So good to hear you got some retribution. That guy is a total douchenozzle. It’s like watching a crime drama on tv. Can’t wait to read the next chapter but hope he stays away from you.
Thanks! It kind of felt like living in a crime drama… or just a drama in general. I was sort of hoping I’d get a chance to throw a stack of papers or shout “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” but as of yet the opportunity has not presented itself… yet.
Unbelievable, Aussa! Great job getting the hard facts and then that restraining order! I can’t even imagine what comes next.
Karma, she is a beeyotch! 🙂
Yes, she is! I’ve seen to many karma like things happen not to believe there’s something to it…
The answers to your questions: no, my ex-wife (pathological), and hell yes.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’ve known so many women who have had this experience. There are people who are so taken by their sociopathy that ruin others.
I’ve had two “stalkers” in my life. I suck at ignoring people. But that’s what worked.
Ah, Lance you are so right. It really does come down to just staunch ignoring. I think we often feel we “owe” someone something after a breakup when in reality the “goodbye” should be the last thing we ever have to say.
I’m available if you want to go kick his ass, dear. Xxxx
Oh, I know you are. Time will tell whether that is necessary, I suppose.
You know, you finally gave me the satisfaction I’ve been waiting for regarding this spittle spewing sociopath, and then you end with, “But I was wrong.” I thought we liked each other, Aussa. Why do you have to be so good at making me coming back for more? Don’t you know I have I have projects to finish, film editing to complete, books to write? Don’t I deserve just a few hours of sleep?
Hahaha! “I thought we liked each other, Aussa” We do, we do! I promise! I’m posting one random ass story tonight that will feed into the coming posts and I promise they will have much more triumphant *fist pump* sorts of endings 😉
Okay, good, because I really like breathing and it sucks to hold it too long.
I don’t think I have ever felt dirtier for hittling “like” on that post. Fuuuuuuck!
Fa real– I can promise that the story gets better though!
WOW, I just found your blog (from the bloggess) and already hooked…When do we get the rest of the story…
Ha, hey Karen! Glad my personal issues have hooked you 😉 I’m planning/hoping to write the next post this Sunday… I think I will enjoy that one…
Nice cliff hanger, girl! You must have nerves of steel. I’ve been in a situation that could easily have escalated to restraining order level. Only I was too scared what might happen after that, so took the underground route. I’m taking notes though… 🙂
Hey, whichever route you took, I am glad you seem to be far away from it now. That is all that matters. Thanks so much for reading, Alarna! And I will hopefully be posting the next part of this story…. tomorrow? Hopefully?! Ha.
I nominate you for an award that your creepy ex would never have appreciated you enough to give, Aussa. You are so worthy of the Dragon’s Loyalty Award, my friend. I hope you love the funny and cool badge as much as I do.
http://markbialczak.com/2014/02/03/for-the-dragons-loyalty-award-ill-melt-snow/
Haha! Thank you, sir!
Hooray for You!! Im glad you were able to get some justice. And I hope the dirtbag stays away. But I know dirtbags, and they dont always give up too easy. Im having a similar problem , but worse. And the police and DA are NOT doing their job. My friend has been trying to leave her ex for about a year. He is not having it.He has held guns to her head on many occasions and threatened to kill her and her mother if she left. she is terrified , but finally got the balls to leave.She moved out of town, but that didnt stop him. over the hollidays he terrorized her with over 250 threatening texts of how he would cut off her and her moms head, and so on. but that was not all. he left at least 100 phone messages too. When she got fed up and called the cops and they came over, saw the messages. i saw the cop smiling on the second message, and ha said this guy is going to jail. they caught him the next day,and charged him terrorist threats and so on. she got the restraining order and he was in jail a month. but now he is out. and HER address is on the order. so of course he violated it and showed up at her house last night. He broke her fence down , kicked her in the ass, and terrorised her for 3 hours. she called cops again and he was arrested today. Unfortunately , he was bailed out in an hour and is there right now harrasing her again. He is a barroom brawler, and claims he is IRA. I guess he thinks she will go back to him if he scares her enough. I dont want to go to jail for helping her get rid of him , but i dont see that i have much choice. Im not going to sit around while he does this to her. he even sent her mother pics of his dick and told her that her daughter is a meth whore. We are both at our wits end and the law is not any help so far. It seems like he has to kill her before they can do anything to him. im looking for a forum or something where i mite be able to find people with some ideas on what to do.The restraining order has no effect on him, he goes right back. But hopefully they will deny him his freedom , on his next court appearance.It sucks , because we are a couple hours apart. And im getting pretty nervous waiting for her call. An old friend of her moms is there tonight. He is an ex nam vet. but he cant stay forever. All I can legally do is almost nothing, but try to find some resourses that might help to rid her of this guy. Im not afraid of him, but want to do it legally. I dont know why, because the law means nothing to this tuff guy. There must be someone out there that knows where I can look for answers to this.Im not a violent person, but if he harms her, all bets are off. It sucks that She seems to attract these ass holes, and She is the sweetest most caring person. She does not deserve to live in fear while this jerk does anything he wants.It looks like im going to have to take a rid up there tonight, anyway. So ANY words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. This scum needs to be stopped before something really bad happens. And I hope your scum bag is finished preying on You. Good luck , be careful. thanks
I cannot believe that you and she are having to deal with this, I am so sorry and that is so scary. Do the penalties not increase every time he violates the order? I would recommend that she IMMEDIATELY call the police the second he comes anywhere near her and she needs to document every little thing he does, including sending stuff to her Mom. It sounds like she’s been good about doing that so far but tell her NOT to stop because a big pile of evidence will be damning when someone finally takes this seriously.
I had the same thing happen, where they put my address (where I’d moved to get away) on the restraining order. Morons.
Is there anywhere safe she can go? What about a local shelter, just until something can be done to get him locked up?
This might sound crazy but does she have anything to protect herself with/does she know how to use it?
I am by no means an expert of qualified to give advice but if anything, I’d tell you to support her in doing whatever she has to do to be safe. Even if it is inconvenient, like having to stay somewhere else for a while. Keep calling the police, make them come EVERY single time. You are a good friend for supporting her and being there for her while she gets through this– that makes a WORLD of difference.
Please be safe.
Wow. I just found your fabulous blog. I am sorry you have this drama added to your life. I have been in a similar situation and with the calm that could pass a lie detector I heard a man say, “I don’t know why I am here” also. Good luck to you all that found yourself giving love, trust and affection to people who would only cause chaos, pain and terror.
I read this comment last night but didn’t have the means to reply (can’t trust an iphone, ya know)– but it gave me chills. The fact that your guy said the exact same thing. UGH. I hope that you are long past that whole situation now as well. Thanks for reading and commenting and, you know, calling my blog fabulous 😀
You blog is fabulous, and thank you, I have just begun my healing and I am sorry for your situation but reading it and the blogs of others with similar predicaments I have validation. Good luck with your situation in the future, it is an ongoing battle.
Validation is so important. I know that reading other people’s stories definitely helps me feel less crazy or at fault. Thanks 🙂
You are welcome. Have a great day!
i’m dying!!! this is riveting, my friend.
Hahaha! So glad you’re enjoying it!
Seriously, you have to tell us his name some time on the off chance that one of your poor readers is dating him. But maybe that might be illegal… All I can say is yikes!
Hahahahaha oh how I wish! Maybe once I’m no longer at this job/have moved out of state. That could be fun! I do have kind of a fun little reveal planned for the last post…. *evil chuckle*
*joins in evil chuckle*
You dated a 50 yr old man for a year and you never saw him wear a suit? He never took you to a nice restaurant, a play, a friend’s “Mad Men” themed party?
Let’s add that to the list. So now your looking for a straight male under 50 who owns suits (yes, plural) and wears them even when he’s not compelled to attend court under subpoena.
Hahahaha this comment is amazing. You are very VERY right. Don’t even get me started on this guy’s daily wardrobe *facepalm* I read this aloud to my boyfriend the other night and was pleased to point out the fact that he was wearing a suit at the time. And is 27. I have achieved.
What ever may have happened I guess you Remained strong ,I guess that’s what matters !