There should be a corporate policy against abusing the option to email “All Users” at your workplace. At the very least it ought to be covered in some sort of etiquette portion of new employee training. Most of the time, the abuse is harmless—pimping girl scout cookies, encouraging people to Walk For Lupus, etc. etc. We can forgive these things. But sending a mass e-mail because your pencil sharpener is missing from your office? No, just no.
Last week, I was going about my business when my phone dinged with an e-mail. I looked down and saw a rather intriguing subject line:
“mony in parking lot”
My interest was piqued. Is someone handing out money in the parking lot? I must read.
“To whom it may concern,
Who ever found a bank slip with a lot of money in, it belongs to me and I have lost it. I know in this economy I bet I won’t see it again because of the amount so to be blunt it was over 800 dollars with a 2500 written inside. I hope who ever found it and doesn’t feel the need to give it back I hope you feel good about yourself and I hope it makes you happy.”
Initial Reaction: Poor girl. That’s awful.
Post-Initial Reaction: What the hell are you doing walking around a psychiatric hospital with $800 cash in an envelope???
Further thoughts: Some of that money should probably have been budgeted for a seminar on “how to write a sentence.”
It’s hard to know what to think—a part of me wanted to run out there and help her search or to start a collection to pay her bills. The other part was shaking my head at her mass “I hope it makes you happy” explosion.
I went back to my routinely scheduled workday procrastination and distractions.
Then the phone dinged again.
“To whom it may concern,
I have lost a back envelope with over 800 dollars inside it , inside the envelope was written 2500 on the flap. I would greatly appreciate any kind hearted person that found this to please give it back. I would greatly appreciate it back and again please if anyone has found it let me know.”
Initial Reaction: We may need to intervene, she sounds like she’s breaking down.
Post Initial Reaction: I can guarantee that “whom it may concern” is not the 700 people on this distribution list.
Further thoughts: How again would you appreciate it? Greatly? Not sure if you emphasized that well enough.
By this point, the texts and e-mails were starting. Apparently she was running around the wards, accusing people of stealing her money and was threatening to call the police.
Not ten minutes later, my phone dinged once again.
“To anyone I may have alerted or if I may have sounded rude, I am sorry. My husband went to the car and found it, apparently it was in the glove box. Once again I am sorry if I sounded rude or anything pregnancy mind and sadness took over my train of though. Thanks to the ones who were willing trying t help.”
Initial Thought: What’s a “train of THOUGH?”
Post Initial Thought: WHY THE HELL DID YOU RUN INSIDE, LOG ONTO A COMPUTER, AND START HARASSING PEOPLE WHEN YOU HADN’T EVEN LOOKED IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT????
Further Thoughts: What kind of car do you drive, and where is it parked?
I suppose I shouldn’t be so hard on her for using the “Send to All Users” option… after all, we learned several things:
1. In this tough economy, she’s the girl to jump in the parking lot.
2. Next time I do something crazy, I’ll just blame it on “pregnancy mind,” even if, like her, it’s been over 10 months since your baby was born and you are not, in fact, pregnant.
Have you ever overreacted without thinking and ended up looking like an ass? What’s the worst “all user” email you’ve ever seen? Do you have a favorite justification or excuse for your own crazy behavior?
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