Today is Wednesday, which means you can expect very little out of anyone. I’d planned to post something more serious and scholarly (as per the usual) but this post from Melisa Wells of Suburban Scrawl inspired me to put aside words and attempt to describe my experiences visually. I’m going to just stick with the first hour of the day because after I’ve had my coffee and begun acknowledging my coworkers, all bets are off.
8:00AM – My day began like any other: I parked next to a coworker whom I am itching to fire but who continuously evades my schemes by sinking further and further into the immoral cesspool from which he came. A few flickers of rage overcame me as I exited my vehicle and glanced at his, pondering what it must be like to pay your car payment with stolen money. In some evil twist, this same coworker was waiting for me in the hallway as soon as I walked in. He greeted me with a huge fake smile and asked if I would be so kind as to unlock a very scary door and push a very fun button that restarts the air conditioner in his classroom. This mildly redeemed his existence, as that button is massive and incredibly satisfying to push.
8:15AM – I made it to my office, put on the kettle, and eventually remembered my password. My inbox was a big bag of boring until I saw an inquiry from a woman who’s been trying to figure out where her great great great uncle is buried, and thought he might be at my cemetery. She’d attached an article about how he’d shot and killed his parents in 1901, which led to an internal debate in my brain where I thought about mental illness and the gun debate in our country but how we should be talking about people’s brains, which made me think of zombies, because BRAINS, which made me feel self-actualized because I’d basically come full circle from cemeteries to zombies.
8:30AM – My boss and I had a very awkward conversation from different rooms where he accosted me for needing two space heaters, a sweater, and hot tea in July. He tried to give me advice on being a healthier person and then expressed concern that perhaps I was elderly on the inside. I decided to use emoji tell everyone on Facebook that I’m a reptile, but it was eventually determined that I’m much more likely to be an alien.
8:45AM – I realized it was finally time start being productive. Step One: Turn on Lana Del Rey. Step Two: Watch the rain falling outside my window. Step Three: Send a WhatsApp message to Gunmetal Geisha Step Four: Awkwardly wave at coworker because he caught me looking shady while whispering odd sexual innuendos into my iPhone, when in fact I’d failed to properly hit record so I was just talking to myself. Step Five: Decide to spend the rest of the morning drawing pictures at my desk, like a professional.
9:00AM – I’d survived the first hour of the day and was ready to assume my usual routine of completely spacing out for the next 8 hours.
What does the first hour of your day/workday look like? Is there anything redeemable about a Wednesday? Did you get to push any buttons today?
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