This Saturday, October 4th will be the one year anniversary of the day I published my first post on Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy. I’d decided to start a blog a couple weeks before, in the wake of my ridiculous court battle against my ex, but it wasn’t until the asshat made an attempt to get back in my life that I finally felt like I had something to publish. I cringe when looking back through my archives– and rarely do– but was willing to at least think about it for the purpose of this most auspicious event.
Behold, I give you 10 of the most ridiculous/amazing/wonderful things that have happened/that I can think of since I started this blog one year ago:
#10: Finding a way to survive my absurd workplace by taking notes on the bizarre behavior I witness and then blogging about it in the wee hours of the night. Let us never forget The Goat Man, Trash Cake, The Psychiatrist Who Doesn’t Speak English, The Woman Who Built A Fortress Behind Her Filing Cabinets, and The Girl Who Blames Everything On Having Been Pregnant a Year Before.
#9: When my pastor found out about my blog and asked me about it after church during the routine goodbye handshake. He even called me a “famous blogger” and made no mention of ex-communicating me. Yet.
#8: Realizing I’m the glue that holds this world together, as evidenced by my ability to create actual IRL friendships that may or may not have also lead to goat selfies (I’m looking at you Debbie and Maurna).
#7: Getting engaged to The Boyfran/Alex/AuSex and receiving a multitude of warm fuzzies from all the amazing comments you left on that post. Sorry I tricked all of you into thinking he was dumping me. I’m more than a little evil.
#6: Receiving very strange sorts of messages from very strange sorts of people. If you’re reading this, NO I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, STOP IT, I LIKE YOUR MESSAGES. Unless of course you penned either of these gems:
“Im way too exotically gorgeous and amazing for my fascinatuon with u or your blog to grow. As a rising pop star genius sex symbol who will break feminist ground by writing and producing my own hits im too cool for blogs n blogging Aussa.”
“I too am a ninja prostitute / spy in my spare time, some call me the male black widow … However it is somewhat ironic as male black widow spiders are normally consumed by the female during coitus. I guess that would make me an exceptionally badass male black widow spider.”
#5: Realizing I can pimp my writing elsewhere and getting to see my name on Cosmopolitan and Huffington Post. On a different note, there was also that time that my face was stolen and used in a fake weight loss tutorial and one of you guys saw it and let me know.
#4: Being at the center of a conspiracy concocted by other bloggers which made me out to not be a real person. Apparently my inane comments on social media and my very obvious stupidity in my vlogs with Angelle were evidence enough that Aussa The Writer was not the same person as Aussa The Redhead In The Photos. I suppose it’s a compliment, but I’m not sure which one:
A) I’m too good of a writer to not be hideous
B) I’m too pretty to not be illiterate
When in reality the truth is:
C) I’m just barely smart enough to only post flattering photos.
#3: Being contacted by the Psycho Ex’s New Girlfriend just when I’d run out of things to say on the subject. It was a reminder that the storytelling gods love me and see fit to rain an almost constant shower of shite and drama upon me.
#2: Going to BlogHer and getting to hang out with so many other humans who choose to talk about their lives on the interwebs. It was a huge jolt of inspiration and confidence, despite the fact we were all repeatedly told that our dreams were total shite and we should just give up.
#1 And Definitely My Favorite: Meeting all you awesome people who don’t judge me (at least not publicly) and who enable all my flaws (which we repackage as personality quirks), and who continuously amaze me with your own ridiculous tales, weird lives, stories of resiliency and one-liners that are more clever than anything I could ever dream up. I am increasingly convinced that we can turn our shite into gold, our lemons into lemonade, and find the silver linings in whatever hell the world sees fit to send us through. No matter what happens, we can always take a step back, cock our heads to the side, and realize that a really good story might just be unfolding. So, onwards to Year 2. I am nowhere near out of stories. Get ready for something especially creepy and ridiculous in the weeks to come. And be sure that you’re keeping tabs with me on Facebook, Twitter, and my email list. You’re not going to want to miss it.
What’s the best thing that’s happened since you started blogging? Does writing or talking about the crazy in your life help you cope with it? Has anyone ever come up with a conspiracy about YOU?
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