I bought a wedding dress a few weeks ago. I can’t post it on here, of course, because every so often The Feyonce likes to secretly stalk the blog and search for his name—just to see what sorts of secrets and private moments I’m sharing. I think it’s bad luck for him to see it beforehand, and lord knows I don’t need any more bad luck.
But there’s plenty more to talk about, because believe me– the dress itself was hardly the most interesting part of the day. In fact, I learned quite a few things whilst subjecting myself to the torments of wedding dress shopping.
1. Apparently My Body Is Misshapen And Disgusting*
The first bridal boutique was absolutely perfect—it was downtown in this rustic hipster building and fully staffed by 22-year old Bratz dolls. The walls were draped with designer dresses and we were handed glasses of champagne to enjoy whilst I played princess.
It was all chick-flick perfect. Except that of the four dozen or so dresses my sister-in-laws picked out for me, only two fit over my hips. ONLY TWO.
The first dress I attempted to stretch over my arse came up to about mid-thigh. I refused to admit defeat and decided to dive in from the bottom and pull it over my head. I managed to get my neck through the tunnel of tulle and lace, then used every bit of strength in my body to get it past my chest before pulling my arms through. With mangled hair and sweaty upper lip, I stared at myself and got to enjoy the expression on my face when I realized the dress was now tightly wedged between my two widest lady parts.
My sisters waited on a velvet couch, periodically harassing me.
“Come out, we want to see it!”
“Just a sec!” I called back, trying not to let on that I was bent over with my arms over my head, wiggling back and forth and praying that gravity would help move the dress back up and off of my unworthy body. Thousand-dollar tufts of fabric turned inside out and pressed into my skin, leaving marks as I took deep gulps of air, determined to not let it suffocate me. Eventually I managed to get it back on the coathanger but it was still partially inside out and my neck had a cramp.
I tried a few more times before my waiflike attendant stared at the floor and mumbled that they simply did not have dresses “big enough” to fit me.
2. Food and Booze Can Improve Most Any Situation
Nom nom nom
We’d kicked the morning off by eating sweet potato pancakes with marshmallow cream, bacon, skillet potatoes, and champagne, so the obvious next step was to hydrate with more adult beverages. Nevermind that it was only noon.
I too needed something to take the edge off, because I’d actually forced myself to buy and wear real underwear for this auspicious occasion. This was a brave new venture for me and one I immediately regretted once I realized how uncomfortable it probably would’ve made the willowy Bratz doll to have to look at my gargantuous arse* in a thong.
3. Just Because I’m Getting Married Doesn’t Mean I Have To Get Bedazzled
AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD
Despite my epic laziness and slovenly habits, I am a huge fan of wearing dresses. Dresses allow you to feel mostly naked, enjoy the breeze, and they’re a one-step don and doff. But these magic rules don’t apply to wedding dresses. No—wedding dresses have buttons and 12-foot laces that have to be drawn up like a corset. Wedding dresses exceed the weight limits of checked baggage and are covered in things that sparkle, glisten, and ought to be painted on the side of the Queen’s tea set.
And don’t get me started on the veil. Twice they attempted to put me in a veil, and both times I felt like an amnesiac staring in the mirror, asking “who the feck am I?”
Eventually, we did find THE DRESS—a surly and understated little jewel that didn’t make me look like this:
4. The Iphone 6 Takes Slo Mo Video
After placing my order, we scampered off for our third meal in the last 5 hours. Afterwards we decided to go to Target, which my SIL was in favor of until she realized we had to actually walk across a parking lot to get there.
The stroll about Target was just enough exercise to get us properly hungry for dinner, where we rejoined the menfolk for more food and more alcohol. Partway through the meal, my brother shared with the rest of the family that he’d recently taken a slo-mo video of his wife’s butt jiggling. This seemed like a great reason to keep drinking.
By the end of the night, SIL #1 was drunkenly swinging around a lamp pole, SIL #2 was drunkenly buying me jewelry off Etsy and announcing to the world “I make more money than everyone else in this family, I can afford it” and SIL #3 was in the backseat of Alex’s car, asking why there were so many goats lying about. Thankfully by this point, SIL #4 had long since abandoned ship and gone home to pray for the rest of us. Obviously, we needed it.
*I’m being facetious. The wedding industry is just a parade of a-holes.
Does your family have drunken escapades together? What was YOUR experience with wedding dress shopping? Do you let anyone make you feel badly about your body?
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Shopping for any clothing is horrible for me. I’m short, so shit doesn’t hang right and I might have a bit of a hip problem myself. One time, I pulled a muscle in my neck while trying on a dress and it still acts up…it’s my old shopping injury.
It’s so weird that pretty much everyone has some variation of this same problem– clothing works for one part of their body, but not the other. For me it’s my damn arms. They’re alien length. I haven’t owned a long sleeve shirt/jacket/coat since I was about 11 years old.
And a shopping injury is hard core. I’m pretty sure they give metals for those…
I SOOOO relate to the long-enough monkey arm problem.
Ahhh the joys of drinking and dress shopping – especially wedding dress shopping. You seem to have grasped the most important elements; bring back up – lots of back up…and alcohol…LOTS of alcohol. I bet you will look lovely in your final pick. And I’m sure one of your readers will mail you a live pygmy goat to act as your flower girl (hey it is totally doable – we had our dog as ours and she looked lovely)
Awww that’s awesome that your dog was your flower girl! People keep joking that Zola should be ours but she is a straight spaz to the max. She would just walk through those doors and be like “LOOK AT ALL THE CROTCHES I CAN STICK MY NOSE IN.”
well if you are looking for a Wedding Theme I think you have found it…Crotches…
I would have happily traded your experience with mine. It was me and my mother…she loves lace, I don’t. It wasn’t pretty.
Oh man. Yeah, this does not sound like a good mother daughter sort of errand. In the single conversation I had with my Mom about this, she made an offhand remark about how maybe I could wear my Grandmother’s dress, since I wanted something vintage. My Grandmother is the very definition of petite and is like 5’2. Thanks Mom.
I think I’m the lone drinker in the family and the family is usually the one pointing out my physical issues. That and when I have to buy a new suit. Last time, the guy described me as short, stocky, and portly. In other words, I’m a beardless dwarf from Middle Earth.
As the guy, I can’t say I had any experience with the wedding dress shopping. My wife had one specially made after spending 2 years saving up for it because we had a ‘Ren Faire’ theme that eventually degraded into a ‘whatever’ theme. My side of the bridal party had it the worst because the women found all their dresses in one catalog. I had to hunt through several for peasant shirts, medieval breeches, and leather boots. There was a full day of hunting through NYC’s Chinatown for things that resulted in the adoption of colored sashes. My original shirt was going to be black (like Dread Pirate Roberts from Princess Bride), but it was backordered several times. Grabbed a last minute replacement at a Comic/Fantasy convention I happened to be at. The black shirt arrived the day after the wedding.
Ha! What the heck, why would that guy feel the need to use adjectives like that? This reminds me of when my pediatrician called me an Ugly Duckling when I was about 8. He’s buried out behind a patch of trees at my parents’ house…
Just kidding. Maybe.
I love that your wedding degraded into a “whatever” theme. I have a feeling I’ll be saying something similar by March! Though the fact you were dressing like the hero from Princess Bride is pretty kick ass. You should post some photos!
Apparently those are the adjectives associated with the Executive Cut. Probably didn’t help that I kept asking what ‘Executive Cut’ actually meant. Kept a sense of humor about it and made a blog post about needing an axe and a mug of ale.
Sadly, the outfit didn’t come to fruition because of the black shirt being back ordered. The one I used was a dark blue with Celtic knotwork around the neck and cuffs. I wore a necklace from an anime at the time too. It ended up sticking through the neckline and covered the hole perfectly, so the groomsmen voted that I keep that in there too. I think I have a few pictures somewhere on the blog. We had issues with the photographer/bridesmaid who tried her best, but was railroaded by a certain guest.
Oooo this sounds so scandalous! “railroaded by a certain guest,” everyone has such fantastic stories, I can’t wait to see what insane things happen at my own “big day.”
It’s all part of the fun. 🙂
I had a lovely wedding dress. I just didn’t ever get to wear it. When we decided to get married, we pictured a courthouse ceremony, perhaps with parents invited (since we were staying with them while my mother typed—yes, we’re THAT old—my husband’s PhD thesis). I was nervous about letting the rents in on the deal, and events proved that I was right. Somehow, our little courthouse stopover morphed into a full-on Event, with my my army-chaplain uncle flown in to marry us. My beautiful pale pink vintage cocktail dress actually made my mother cry. As in “Pink…used dress… pink… no daughter of mine…PINK…” The ceremony was lovely. My sister wore the pink dress, and every time she caught my eye, she pointed to the dress and mouthed “mine”. As far as I remember, I wore a giant fluffy silk cupcake that my Mother bought using another sister as a model. It was special.
Oh my gosh, hilarious. Your mother! Hahahaha and your sister mouthing “mine,” that is hysterical. Sounds like quite the affair! Talking about everyone’s weddings has proved to be rather amusing, that’s for sure!
I eloped, so plaid not-quite-kneelength skirt and shirt for me. 🙂 If I did it again though, I may spring for a nicer dress. Maybe.
I love watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on TLC. Between the budgets (ONLY $5,000, how horrible are that girl’s parents?) , the whines and the horrible designs (not commenting on those just in case you actually chose one of those that I can’t understand anyone wearing), I am very glad I skipped the big wedding.
As for that last question, well, I think I have said more than enough on that on my space and everywhere else, but this just proves more of that point.
I’ve never seen that show! But everyone always brings it up. I feel like just watching it would give me anxiety/make me follow your example and just elope!
And bad designs– mine has a cutout in the stomach so that my belly button is showing. It will have it’s very own veil sticking out. That’s not one of the ones you were talking about, right?
Well SHIT.
If you’re having that much trouble fitting into that shit, how the hell am I supposed to fit my short-waist, giant hips, giant tits into one of those suckers (when my boyfriend finally decides that “someday” is more like “okay fine, now.”)?
Noooo don’t let it discourage you. Just don’t go shopping in snooty little designer boutiques where all the girls are wearing $9,000 rompers with their asscheeks showing.
And! Doesn’t he have a March 20th deadline here?! Do I need to have a word with him?! 😉
I didn’t know they thought you were big O_O I mean you look pretty normal. LOL yeah go world have pkus sized tux for men but nothing for women you sexist craps
I look “pretty normal” hahaha you are so cute. Yes, I’d say I’m fairly normal. Of course, what is normal. I suppose I’d say I’m not ABNORMAL. And yep– it’s definitely a double standard, much like everything else.
My wedding dress was my something borrowed. Remember I had a quaint back yard affair, so it was a gauzy white dress, no fuss. I mean, it was Italian, and gorgeous, but it wasn’t an actual wedding dress, and it was probably more at the $100 mark. My only issue was that everyone thought the act of putting on the dress was photo-worthy, and I recall my bridesmaids and our mothers standing in the door of my mother’s closet, watching me undress and dress in there. I remember looking over and asking if everyone needed to see me naked and they were all just smiling and gushing. It was fairly horrifying.
At least I didn’t need anyone’s assistance to get into, get out of or to hold it over my head while I peed…
My youngest child LOVES to tell me she sees my stretch marks, and I like to point out something equally obvious, like, “Moo, I can see you have two holes in your nose.” Who needs to have her body shamed when nearly everything is set up to shame it? The ads are awful, but the clothes do some of the work on their own. For instance, why does the Abercrombie sweatshirt fit my bust and my ten-year-old’s arms? LOL What message does that send?
Oh my lord, that is hilarious. But it’s true– people do usually start hushing up and saying “gather round, she’s putting it on!” But of course it’s not going to be a smooth sexy or magical process. I have laced friends up into wedding dresses and even if they’re a size 2 I’m like “just suck in! I’m going to wedge this bit of skin underneath this bit of fabric.”
And kids are just the worst at that, aren’t they? I remember when my skin was bad, it was like a constant mystery to my nieces and nephews. “What’s all over your face? It’s gross.” Thanks guys.
How much fun! I had a dreary wedding dress shopping experience. I waited too long and my fiance wanted purple. The day before the wedding, I still had not found a purple dress. I had my hair and nails done, spent hours sitting in traffic because of an accident. We were just getting married at the courthouse…this is number three for me and two for him. I was sitting on the back porch sobbing out loud about being so tragically unprepared when my daughter appeared with a dozen purple dresses in my size. I tried them all on and we picked out one together and she planned to to the rest back. Gotta love daughters. 🙂
Awww I love that you wore purple for him! Though that sounds hectic and stressful to be rushing around there at the end. And traffic! God, no. I’m glad you said that, maybe I’ll just stay in a hotel near where we’re getting married, because it’s like 30 minutes away by interstate. I would have a panic attack/start walking down the shoulder. And your daughter is clearly a magical creature.
This is why I bought my dress online. Since my wedding I have lost about 40lbs but when I got married I was very, very much PLUS size and I couldn’t face the thought of going from one boutique to another and being told I was too fat for their dresses. That and my budget was about £200! Ha ha! Oh and on top of that I have enough breasts for three women, which doesn’t really work on most bridal gowns.
I have had a fair number of drunken escapades with my brother. Back when he used to live in London we were permanently doing shots and taking turns to carry each other home. Now that we live in different countries it;s not as easy. I have been hopelessly wasted with my in-laws loads of times, which always ends in a lot of dancing but since Mr O has been sober for the last two years it ends up being less fun.
The only person who has ever really successfully made me feel bad about my body is me… but I don’t do that anymore. it’s a pointless endeavour. If you don’t feel comfortable it’s better to put that energy into working out that beating yourself up. My only exception is my feet. I have really big feet and whenever I go shoe shopping and ask for my size the sneers from the sales assistants/assertions that they don’t stock that size because obviously drag queens don’t shop there always makes me feel a bit crap…
” I have enough breasts for three women,” HAHAHA you sexy beast.
You and your brother carrying each other home drunk sounds like good sibling love. I wonder if this is what parents picture as the ideal relationship when they’re hoping their kids will get along?
And I agree about putting the energy to something more productive. I am usually decent about remembering to do that. Usually 😉 And whaaaat about your feet? I have big-ish feet as well and was totally embarrassed when I was younger but now I’m like “these feet have walked me all over the world” so haters can suck it.
I have the waistline of one person and the hips and derriere of an entirely unrelated person- this does not make for happy shopping experiences. I tried on exactly one wedding dress with enough fabric to clothe a small nation. The look on my face must’ve spoken volumes as my mom was like, that’s enough for today… I chucked the idea, ordered a plain, no frills straight white dress, and eloped to Jamaica. Ya, mon!
Ha, I love your Mom’s reaction. And yeah– I was amazed by how much fabric was in one as well! The one that got stuck, it seriously took me like 15 minutes to figure out how to get it right side out. I kept messing with it in between every change into another dress. I think I still have wounds…
I think it’s a measure of how successful your marriage is going to be – how drunk you can get your SILs before lunch, I mean, not whether or not the a-hole wedding industry can accommodate your obviously marvelous figure.
Oh, that sounds kind of stalky. I’m totally not stalking you, just to be clear.
Ooo you’re not stalking me? I must admit, I’m disappointed 😉 Jest kedding. And oh yes– I do think there is an old wives tale about marriage fidelity and drunken in-laws…
We had seen the dress we wanted at a bridal fair and ordered it that week. 800 bucks later I had the most beautiful bride ever.
This was almost 20 years ago.
Well, because I’m a loser I just looked up the inflation on that so it was like buying a $1,245 dress. Nicely done!
Awww that’s sweet 🙂
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I have a reputation to uphold!
I’m now seriously considering upgrading my 4s to the iPhone 6 so I can slo-mo my own ass.
Which I’m sure was the point of this post.
Giiiirrrrrl my iPhone 6 Plus just came in Fedex today. Let me see if my arm is flexible enough to slo-mo my own arse.
God I hate shopping for clothes. As for my wedding dress it was a very classy looking maternity suit – there’s something to be said for already being up the stump when you get married – elastic waist anyone?
Hahaha! I love it. 50% of my sister in laws were “up the stump” on their wedding days as well. Okay, I’ve never heard that expression before but I quite like it.
I had a VERY tight budget and one place we went asked me what it was, then proceeded to bring me dresses that were three times the number I had given them, clearly hoping I would fall in love with one of them and just say “screw it.” Instead I walked out and went someplace else. They were a little surprised when I said I was leaving. The wedding industry is, indeed, mostly staffed by assholes.
Yeah that happened to us as well. I can’t wait to eventually give more detail on this entire thing because it all turned out rather hilarious. Gah, next May when I’m back and can share all the horrifying personal details. I will say, though… Alex paid for the dress and we filmed his reaction when I told him how much it cost HAHA.
this is a fantastic wedding dress story. what could be better than booze, brides, and bawdy behavior?
That’s a triple B right there! You’re only missing one more B-word and then you’ll have perfectly described the situation…
You look absolutely gorgeous is those dresses. Siiiiiigh. My experience was similar to quirtygirl’s – I was dressed up in a huge thing that I thought looked more like the wedding cake than the dress, a kind of cross between a meringue and curtains. It ‘only’ cost 10,000 francs… I explained that my budget was one tenth of that, and she started sucking lemon fro France and enquired why my parents hadn’t offered to pay for my dress. I ended up buying a dress made by a local seamstress and I still have it, complete with the caramel I got down the front.
Woah– the saleslady actually questioned you about your parents and your budget? How tacky. Though I think I may have said something like “my father is evil and we’re paying for it ourselves.” Or maybe that was to the server at lunch, can’t be sure.
And you got caramel on it? Aaahhh that’s definitely on my list of worries. Then again… I kind of think it would be fun to do extreme things in the dress once the wedding is over, and eating caramel can be rather extreme.
Sounds like a most fun day (mostly). At least the drinking part sounded fun. I shopped for my wedding dress alone, which was perfect. My manic mother and my one bridesmaid (nightmare!) were 3000 miles away on the east coast. And the little shop I went to even had sizes big enough for big beautiful brides like me. I fell in love with my dress from the minute I had it on. Although, I wore one of those things underneath with layers of poofy stuff, to puff out the skirt, and going to the little ladies room in it was a 2 person event.
That sounds peaceful. I was convinced we probably wouldn’t find anything the first day and that I’d end up sneaking off to shop by myself. I had a lot of fun with them but if I were alone I probably would have bought the first thing that fit. Ha! And picturing your toilet activity (sorry) makes me think of a scene from that movie 27 Dresses.
Never, ever would I go wedding dress shopping! Ever!! Talk about a living nightmare. Not to mention I’m short and plump with no waistline. Bah! Anyway, I’m too damn old for that expensive nonsense. Both times I was married at home. The first time my MIL made my dress for me, a fluffy creation which I didn’t like, as I am not a dress wearer. The second time I was married in my living room in a sweater and jeans. LOL Which I still almost ran away from. Which I should have. Sigh. There is NOT going to be a third time. Unless he’s super rich and a good talker. hahahaha.
You my dear will look wonderful.
Sweater and jeans sounds fun! Okay wait maybe not jeans. I’m wearing them right now and I can FEEL them. I like to not feel my clothes. Can’t we all just be nudists? No, wait, I try not to make these comments.
Super rich and a good talker, eh? That second one is a cute requirement 😉
I shopped alone. It was kinda depressing but it did the trick ( the friend that stood with me lives overseas and therefore dodged that bullet! ) Initially, I wanted a crocheted affair that I was to go over top of a simple shift dress. But I couldn’t find anyone to make it for me. As far as the ‘treatment’ I received it was alright, As soon as I set the rules of engagement with whomever was tending shop, things went pretty good. I too had the dress wrestling matches! I think the point that I felt the worst was when I went in for my final fitting and there was an amazon Goddess having hers done at the same time 🙁 *sigh. Oh well I betcha I am better at some things that she’s not!
I am not a dress-y kinda girl. I had most people strung along with ‘I am wearing jeans’ much to their horror !
As for the drinking with family. I try top keep that to a minimum. I believe it lends to the business of bone picking! LOL
Oh man, there’s nothing like ending up next to a goddess when you’re in that sort of a situation. Everything is relative, I tell myself. Everything! Luckily my family knows a woman who is a pretty kick-ass seamstress and she’s agreed to do my dress so I just have to go to her house. Shouldn’t be any naked Aphrodite’s running around. I don’t think.
I can only have drunken escapades with the boyfriend’s family. Mine is too conservative. Also, wedding dresses terrify me and I imagine I’ll find a white homecoming or prom dress that will pass for a.wedding dress. ^_^ because I’m cheap
Ha, I’ll send you mine when I’m done with it! *gasp* Wouldn’t that be fantastic? Do you happen to be 5’11 and hippy?
Nope. I happen to be 5′ 2 and let’s just say if I sang the first verse of All About That Bass I’d be lying.
HAHAHA damn. But also now I have that first line stuck in my head…
Have you heard the Postmodern Jukebox version?
Nooo I haven’t!
Watch and be enchanted: http://youtu.be/iyTTX6Wlf1Y
This is absolutely fantastic. Still watching…
I haven’t grown since I was in 8th grade. Actually, I’m pretty sure I shrank.
Maybe I stole your future growth from across the country, because I grew 4 inches in 3 months in 8th grade. I have the (somewhat faded but still) stretch marks on my legs to prove it.
You and everyone else. Every girl around me was a foot taller than me. Teenagers still scare me because they’re all so huge. In college, I covered a story in a middle school. The students hardly believed I was old enough to be in high school, let alone college. They were a decade younger than me and a foot taller than me.
Terrifying.
That does sound terrifying. Well we should tag team the high schoolers. Because I can tower over most of them. Though let’s be real, they’re still terrifying by virtue of their being teenagers.
I believe the song goes “teenagers scare the living shit out of me.” Hell, they scared the living shit out of me when I was a teenager. Thank God the skaters and druggies were also into video games and anime. Befriending them kept me safe in high school ^_^
Yep. That is how the song goes, and it has been my ringtone for my kids since they were teenagers! Perfectly fitting too, if they were calling my cell it was usually some sort of catastrophe…
This might be hard to believe, but a 5’2 girl with no bass and all treble is not very intimidating.
So, I actually never tried on wedding dresses because I knew they’d mostly be all wrong on me. I did drive to Jacksonville one Saturday to visit a friend who wanted to take me to bridal shops (yeah we don’t have much shopping in Gainesville, FL); but instead of taking me shopping, she poured Andre down my throat via mimosas, dragged me around to introduce me to her friends, and left me to take an hour-long nap at 7pm so I could make the 2 hour drive home sober. I wound up ordering a custom-made dress from China on Etsy. It was amazing, I only spent $400 once I got it taken in, and I didn’t have to confront my un-ideal body proportions under layers of thousand-dollar tulle. It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. or whatever. Also, your SILs sound pretty aces. I like their style.
Waaaaaait you got a China dress and it was all good? I saw those China dresses! I found China on the interwebs and it said it could make a perfect knockoff of the $8,000 dress I loved! But I was afraid. Afraid that some shyster in Macau would just take my hopes and dreams and laugh them all the way to the bank. That’s amazing that you did that and that it worked out! Incredible.
Oh my. Aussa. I am positive you made a perfect decision and that you will be breathtakingly beautiful! It is hard to not let anyone help you feel bad about your body, but it is important to keep trying. I believe those that attempt to make you feel bad about yourself are only doing so to make themselves feel better about their shortcomings. (or overcomings as it may be) I didn’t do a traditional wedding so never shopped for a wedding gown. (I was married in a maternity sweatsuit in the courthouse) I love being with my family, and we are a lot of fun together, even more when we’re celebrating!
I completely agree with you about others’ motivations for making us feel bad about ourselves. I watch that constantly in the way the women (unfortunately our gender is prone to this) I work with communicate with each other. I also try to catch it in myself, when it crops up. And! I feel like the majority of my blog followers got married at the courthouse, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t poll you guys for advice on venue or else Alex would be mad at me right now 😉 Though! That does sound fun… I should let everyone on here make SOME sort of decision for me. Hmmm…..
It was definitely cost effective, however fell quite short of the wedding little girls dream of. Mr. Wonderful only wanted it to be us. I wanted my family there. Our parents came, his sister and her husband, and my SIL as she works in the county complex. My sister who is so dear to me didn’t come cause that’s what Mr. Wonderful asked. Apparently we were doomed from the gate.
No, I am pretty sure the way you are going is gonna be perfect Aussa. I am so happy for you and wish you nothing but rainbows and puppies–or goats!
Rainbows and puppies! Yes. I hope. It’s in April so there may be rainbows and or storms 😉 But puppies would be magical. I’m going to keep asking Alex for a petting zoo to be outside…
You can do it! Keep asking, that’s how my kids wear me down! 🙂 It is going to be so magical!
First, you are not a skinny-jeans model. As people used to say “You have a figure on you.” Which is why the dress in the second photo is less flattering–one needs to be petite, very slim, or have a tiny waist to pull off a 1950’s-style skirted dress. But the retro-ish dress on the left? THAT is showing your figure, and you look TERRIFIC!! As you would in anything long and flowing.
I’m really curious about what you chose.
I wanted a hippie-style wedding, outdoors, bare-footed, flowers in my hair, everyone doing potluck. Definitely no veil, since it is a sign of subjugation. My spouse-to-be wanted the opposite. We compromised: The wedding was outdoors.
Since we were paying for our own wedding, choosing a dress was straightforward: It must cost no more than $100. Happily, I found a beautiful vintage-looking dress at a store next to the Santa Anita racetrack. Perhaps they catered to the recently down on their luck? Once I removed the odd, large, U-shaped collar sewn to it, and the extra pair of oversized arms, and made some other minor adjustments, it proved quite satisfactory.
Your dream wedding sounds like my friend Sars’ wedding that I just recently attended. Though she did wear shoes 😉 I will blog about it soon-ish but not too soon-ish lest everyone think I’ve gone soft. I’ll have to do it just after something super disturbing, haha.
I think it’ amazing that you found the perfect dress for less than $100 and had the skill to alter it just right. I know a girl who bought a dress for $25 at a community garage sale she was helping organize. She was sorting clothes, found it, and put $25 in the box before taking it to her car. She looked it up later and it was a $2,000 dress. Didn’t even need to be altered. Insaaaaane.
Damn, Aussa. You know what I did again. Is there a way to stop the double emails (the WP and FB) and receive only the WP? I REALLY don’t want the tie-in to my own self. I don’t even know why not…
I think I can take off the FB ones… let me look. And! I think it just said “outlier babe” on the other comment so you’re safe for now 😉
Whaaat okay I can’t find your email address on the list (I’ve never done this before). I think you can manually unsubscribe at the bottom of the email (annoying, I know) or if you want to send me your email, I’ll have it taken off. aussa.lorens@gmail.com Sorry! Annoying!
Oh Aussa, this post brought back memories, no actually, nightmares! When I was wedding dress shopping, 17 years ago, I was a size 10. In the bridal stores they told me that equaled a size 18 in wedding dresses! WTF? I was close to jumping off a bridge, I tell you. But I didn’t. After they told me, repeatedly, that the whole wedding dress sizing thing was a huge debacle, I went ahead and ordered my dream dress (Not a bride-disguised-as-cupcake dress) based on my actual measurements and then had it tweaked when it came in. It ended up being lovely, whatEVER size the tag said! 🙂 And alcohol, yes.
Why? WHY! Why do they do this?! Whether you’re a 2 or an 18, NO ONE wants to find out they have to wear a higher number. Even though it’s all bogus and BS and doesn’t matter, it’s like psychological warfare.
You’re smart to order based on your measurements. I wish I could do that with all of my clothing! I stopped off at a place like that in Vietnam… maybe I just need to go there 2X a year to get a new wardrobe…
Your womanly distress is awesomely terrible for you Aussa. Boo. Hoo. Wait until Alex has to tussle with a cumberbun and real bow tie. Unless he is a gentleman of genteel upbringing (and from reading about SILs 1 through 3 not, 4 perhaps) he won’t have a clue.
Ha! He will not! He’s not wearing a tux or a bowtie, just a suit! Maybe a skinny tie. He doesn’t want to be uncomfortable and I can’t blame him 😉 My 14 year old nephew, on the other hand, wants to wear a tux. And carry a gun. Because he wants to be James Bond or something. I said sure, why not.
Yay to the tux for the teen. Gun, not so much! That’s just me, Aussa. Alex, you’re getting off easy, my friend.
I will pass that intel onto him, unless he’s reading this. I got a text from him last night (sneaky, sneaky) that he liked “the tight dress.” Well of course.
He probably reads it on the sly. And sure he’ll root for the tight dress. We men roll like that, Aussa. 🙂
I did everything “wrong” in my wedding dress search: went shopping with my fiance, looked in department store prom clearance depts, and only started looking a few months before the wedding (it was a very short engagement). Ended up with a white Gunne Sax (very popular brand at the time) prom dress for $50 which worked perfectly.
BTW, the comments section definitely needs “like” buttons!
I really wish I could get like buttons! Maybe there is a plugin, I hadn’t thought of that… I’ll look! And I think it’s awesome that you shopped with your fiance. To each their own, and if that’s who you wanted with you, why the heck not. Of course… if I took Alex he would have been like “you look great. Wait, isn’t that the same dress you’ve tried on 20X?”
You made me remember my wedding dress! Yikes. . Awful experience. But glad to hear you found the perfect one!
I’m definitely enjoying hearing everyone else’s feelings about wedding dress shopping, Jhanis!
You should have gotten a dress custom made. Then it would fit over your arse and it would be amazing. That’s what I did. And it only cost me around $300. But that was Alaska where all brides are fat and hairy. So I was just in the right place at the right time.
Hahahaha you make me laugh. Yeah… that would have been Plan B, after the dream of walking into the store and magically finding one. Which I suppose I did. After a few hours of torture…
Hey, I’m glad you found one. There was no way I would have been able to find one. I’m a size 24 in the real world, but in the bridal world, I’m a size 30, which they don’t really make that size for pretty wedding dresses. I just decided to avoid the hassle all together.
Avoiding hassle is a good idea. I’ve been kind of amazed how much stuff I can just order online, throughout the week. I’m all “okay, if I don’t get a beer with dinner then I can afford 5 flower petals…”
Yeah, weddings are ridiculously expensive. I came from a divorced family, so I honestly didn’t even see the point of a wedding. Alex wanted a big wedding though, since his mom had a big wedding all three times— something I will never understand.
Ah, dress shopping. They say “it’s your special day wear whatever you want.” So I word an elven-style cloak over a consignment store wedding dress and Ugg boots. That’s not what “they” meant, apparently, but I was happy. (My sister, however, was unimpressed I didn’t choose the “perfect” princess dress she picked out, haha!) Glad to see you enjoyed yourself despite the insanity that is dress shopping!
Ha! I love it, oh my gosh. YES it really should be whatever anyone wants for themselves. As with the rest of life, so with weddings. I have to admit though… I am jealous of your elven style cloak. Where did you get it???
It was made for me! I bought the material and my good friend’s mom made it… sorry that doesn’t help if you were hoping to buy your own haha!
Ha! Well that’s still awesome. Even if I’m jealous…
Last time I drank with my family it involved a battery operated talking parrot that says rude things, a bell on a beer mug, a phone conversation with our soon-to-be-daughter in law (I’m surprised she still went through with the wedding) and my mother putting my hubby to bed because he refused to go.
Yep. Glad we don’t do that too often. lol
Now that right there sounds like a fun time!!! Especially your husband having to be put to bed, that’s hilarious! Good times 😉
Like yours, mine was a sweaty affair filled with scratchy tulle. And the workers made me feel like a pasty, thick-hipped peasant. The capper was when the dress I ordered became unavailable 2 months before the wedding for whatever reason (contract dispute? I don’t remember) and they’re placating offer was that I could roam the racks unescorted–what a treat!—to find a replacement. In retrospect I needed more alcohol!
Why do they hire these biatches? Is that on the job app? “Do you have experience at looking down on people and appraising them with a smug look?”
And oh my gosh, that’s horrifying about the dress not coming in. Straight anxiety right there. I experienced a minor miracle and they got the dress for me already. Like, it’s in my living room right now. Isn’t that insane? But I still need to get it tailored.
If they think that you are the wrong shape or size, they are fucking insane and you can tell them I said so.
Aw, thank you Doug! I think I will, actually. I’ll just print this out and mail it to them, if I can find a stamp. Which will never happen. But I’ll shout it out the window every time I drive by…
Great story! What I want to know is– did anyone crap in a bathroom sink at any point? (I hope you’ve seen the movie “Bridesmaids”; if not, this will sound like the weirdest pervy question ever asked on your blog).
Hahaha! No, unfortunately! Though me and one of the SIL’s ended up peeing in the men’s room while we were out, and didn’t want to wait. Best part was that neither of us realized we were both doing it.
My SIL sent a s/n from that movie to all of us just before we met for brunch. Just to get us all in the right frame of mind…
Didn’t realize you were peeing or didn’t realize you were in the men’s room? Good lord, how much did you guys drink? 😉
I suddenly don’t know how to answer your question… haha, just kidding, we didn’t realize the other were in the men’s room just like we were. So special.
Bacon would be the only thing about dress shopping that would make dress shopping tolerable. The mummy wrap dress made you look aMaZinG!!!!!!!!!!! (say that in a very sing song up and down voice please). But cut off the flowy part at the bottom. I don’t even have any taste and know that you will be a knockout in a dress. Even though I hate dresses. I’m still fevered so if I don’t make sense that’s my excuse.
Before I even got to the parenthesis I was singing it just like you said! YES. We are in sync.
And yeah with the dresses it was always like that– I’d like the top, but not the bottom. The bottom, but not the top. Front, not back, back not front. Everything but not the big lace goose they’d embroidered in the train. Etc.
Ha!!!!!! If only it had been an embroidered goat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No dress here. I eloped. Big mistake. Should have got drunk instead.
You regret eloping? You’re like the first person I’ve ever heard that from, haha. Well… it’s not too late, let’s get drunk and go shopping! We can call it Wasted Wedding Shopping. No need to actually buyyyy anything, of course.
I regret marrying the guy I eloped with, Aussa. Should have gotten drunk and gone shopping instead. 😉
Ahhh gotcha. Okay– wisdom to pass on to others right there!
Aaaah I went wedding dressing with a friend (for the friend) once and I was *SO* smug when I chose The Dress (Ok I didn’t exactly choose the dress; I just liked most the dress she ended up getting. Same thing. Anyway I win because I saw it in advance). Literally hours of fun :p I bet you will look beeeeautiful 🙂
That’s exactly how my SIL’s were! It was this huge competition where they tried to be the one that chose it first or knew it or “called it.” Hilarious. When I finally found “the dress” there was just this long pause then an “oh wow, I think that’s it.” More on that later, haha.
Your hips and my boobs, sister. I had a LOT of trouble shopping for dresses. I think I ended up wearing a size 18 or 20 (I was a 12 at the time) and having it tailored to fit my GIANT BOSOM.
GIANT BOSOMS! And I have seen them. I mean, not literally. But on facebook. With my two bags of candy. I feel a tinge of glee knowing that this comment only makes sense to the two of us.
Oh, so fun, Aussa! What a blast you had hanging out with your SIL’s. Drinking is in order! Shopping for a dress can be really stressful. I wouldn’t listen one bit to the wedding waifs, those bitches. Everyone has to have their dresses fitted. My wedding dress shopping was kind of weird. It was just my sister and me, and I knew what dress I wanted, because I saw it in a magazine, and tracked it down. Luckily, it was exactly what I wanted when I tried it on! I had only tried on a few other ones. I never wanted to take that dress off.
That’s awesome that you felt that way about your dress. I hope mine is like that once it’s tailored! When I tried it on there it was a size or so too big so they had to clip it and yank it and tell me to use my imagination, haha! I’m glad your process was fairly stress-less, Amy!
I read this post, laughed through it..then got to Michelle’s comment and laughed until I cried. She kills me! I have stuff get stuck over my boobs and my hips/butt are trying to compete. It sucks a little. I have to tell you that you look so pretty in all of these pictures. Even if you are drunk.
I know!!! I like when she’s the FRIST comment because it’s like this perfect stage of hilarity for everyone to follow! I would read anything she wrote.
And I think there should be a new selfie trend of women stuck in clothing. Because sure, once we get it on we look all swanky and put together but it can be a hell of a process to get there…
It sounds like a remarkably fun shopping adventure!
The purchase of my wedding dress was relatively trauma-free. And alcohol free, too. But a friend of mine had a truly horrible time.
Judy was (and is) tiny. She is 4’10” and weighs less than most of my shoes. She tops out at a size 2. Somehow, I don’t hate her for this. Not since the day she went to find a wedding dress (this was 1985) and two different stores turned her away, telling her that what she really needed was a confirmation dress. She was devastated.
She looked beautiful on her wedding day. So will you.
They did not tell her that. Really? Oh my gosh. That’s horrible. UGH who are these biatches?! This has been going on for at least the last 30 years, it’s like they have a stronghold on the industry or something. We should organize a coup. I’m glad she looked beautiful on her wedding day 🙂
Reading your blog post made me thirsty. Now where did I put that fifth of Knob Creek…?
Ha! Excellent. Now IIIII want a drink. But it’s Monday. I think?
I am so jealous that you have four sister in laws! I have one brother and he’s twenty and very immature and probably not going to be married for a long time if not at all. I want to be an auntie (before I am a mom) so badly but I have to wait.
I completely understand the whole dresses not fitting phenomenon. Not that I have ever tried on a wedding dress but I have so much trouble with regular dresses I can’t imagine that wedding dress shopping will fare me well.
I think that every drunken adventure should end with a trip to target and more drinking and food. Sounds like a solid day.
I was always jealous of friends who had sisters, when I was growing up. Now I suppose I am receiving delayed gratification, ha. Hey– maybe your guy will have a thousand sisters who each have a dozen babies! You never know…
And! I was just perusing job listings and there was one for a corporate position at Target and it’s so not my style but I was like…….. discount.
Looks like you girls had a blast and Aussa, you are going to be a BEAUTIFUL bride!
We definitely did! It was exactly the sort of day I had hoped to have (sans the hip problem, of course). Thank you Marcia 🙂
In answer to your questions,1) I feel badly about my body every day, and it’s only getting worse now that I’m beginning to age (you and your SIL’s look like kids to me). 2) No, my family does not drink together. My dad and his second wife are the only experts at that. 3) The third dress I tried on was THE one. I’d have to write my own blog post to tell that story.
I don’t know your family dynamics, but how great would it be if I got along with just one of my sisters-in-law, let alone all of them. If you do all get along, how great. In our families (dh and mine), I’d rather hang with the guys.
Yay for wedding dress. I asked this before, but I’m guessing you’re either keeping the date under wraps for now, or you named it and I missed it.
Argh! I don’t like that! I feel angry that any of us feel badly about our bodies. You always look back at your past self and realize it wasn’t that bad. I’m just trying to channel the sentiments of future Aussa…
You should definitely write a post about THE dress! And my SIL’s and I get along for the most part… there is one who I have periodic conflict with, just because she thinks I need to have a baby 😉 But I sat on the front row and cried “I hate you” tears at her wedding, so I suppose I’m not an angel either 😉 We mostly get along now… haha
And! The date is April 18th 🙂 We set it the day after we got engaged, haha. I haven’t announced it yet, I don’t think. Maybe I’ll post a photo or something soon. Hmmm…
Good for you for channeling your future Aussa. Now that I’m aging, I do wish I had appreciated my youthful appearance. I think it’s funny though, how life/nature doesn’t even things out for us. For example, your over a foot taller than me. Why couldn’t nature have dispersed those inches more evenly, at least for my sake, ha. 😉
Thanks for sharing the big date. Now I know why you got the dress, that’s coming up pretty quick.
BTW, I’m still stealing from you blog (more like inspired by) and am telling the stories of my coo-coo neighbors in case you’re interested.
http://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/the-neighborhood-fort/
Oh My Wedding Dress shopping was great fun , I took my wife to be with me , went to the place , Got 2 suits and 1 Traditional Dress in less than 90 minutes and done.Where as for her It took about 1 whole month to select the traditional wedding dress.
I had to visit Germany just before i got married and surprisingly I lost some weight , So I actually went back to my athletic normal and the suits just looked nicely fit.
And to get drunk with cousins is as big no ;P , I dont want everyone to know HOW I get drunk ;).
Anyways you look so happy in your pictures and it reflects, Liked the Tattoo as well.
Less than 90 minutes, yep sounds about right for a man! Alex just wants to know what time he is supposed to show up in a suit. Psssh 😉
He is a Gentleman !
Sounds like a pretty fun Girls day out all in all. I am sure all the places you stopped will eventually recover from the Sister In Law Brigade. LOL. I am sure you will look stellar on the big day. And I was gonna ask the same thing…..What’s with all the goats?? LOL.
Ha! The goats are my dowry, so that Alex will keep me around 😉 And! Yes I suppose they will eventually recover… like the place where I innocently asked for a to-go cup and then snuck it to my SIL to pour her cocktail into it. Such classy ladies we are.
Class is for snobs. LOL. Real girls know how to have fun. You and your SIL’s are real girls to the core Aussa. Never change that. Can’t wait to hear all about how you rock a wedding ceremony. It’s gotta be the adventure of the century. Or at least it will make for a great story. So I guess you can never have enough fun……Or goats it seems. LOL
You know what, it is nice to see someone who has been through the sociopath ringer trying it again, God bless you, bravehearted blogger. I am sure you will indeed look fabulous on your big day as you do in all those photos you posted.
Ha, thank you. I’m not sure where I scored points on the karma scale, but Alex is blissfully unlike any of my past fails. I feel very lucky. And also like a testament to the fact that things can work out despite a long history of it NOT, haha.
I hope that “it” is all genuine and if so may it continue but know that people can learn, heal and evolve and I hope you chronicle a success for us all now with your wit and candor. HAH!
This makes me almost glad that my boyfriend is highly unlikely to ever want to marry me!
My sister got married in a bridesmaids dress that she ordered from the internet. She was separated within a year so it’s probably a good thing she didn’t spend too much on the dress!
Hahaha! Well I’m trying to start a campaign of just passing the dress on so if he proposes and you’re a giant hippy girl then let me know. Ha. And! That’s hilarious about your sister (though okay, not funny that it didn’t work out) but I do wonder about that! There are a LOT of women selling wedding dresses and wedding rings on Craigslist. I’m like… yeah, that seems like bad juju.
Wedding dress shopping was stressful & exhausting. Worse was a few weeks before my wedding suddenly hating the dress. Lucky it turned out perfect on the day 😉 no one gave us bubbly though. Must have bypassed the fancy shops… Or Australia is just lame!
You suddenly hated it?! Madness! I bought mine, drove away, and then was like “oh my gosh, what did it look like? Was it ugly? Did I do something stupid?” Too late now, Aussa. Ha.
We’d been together 9 years, and while I love traditional dresses, I knew they weren’t really me. I really liked Dita Von Teese’s wedding dress, so I had a local designer make something based on it. It was in an irridescent deep blue fabric, with a bustle and small hat. Since it was non-traditional I’ve been able to wear it several times. I wore it for NYE one year, and for our joint tenure party. The only super sucky thing is that I didn’t have anyone in town who I was close with, so I didn’t have anyone to even get giggly with about the dress, or to take when I was trying it on 🙁
Wow. I just googled it. That’s a bummer that you didn’t have anyone to be giggly/tipsy/illegal with you while you were shopping but OH MA GAH I’ll bet it was gorgeous! I’d never seen her dress until now. I want one. And that’s cool that you were able to wear it again. Very cool.
holy crap, I just realized Paula and I live in the same town – Gainesville FL. She left town to get a wedding dress, I went to a local designer. That should tell you something about GNV.
Ha! That’s hilarious. A wasteland of dress choices…
I always like it when people in the comments “find” each other like this… of course, I’m jealous.
I feel so hurt that you described the food in such wonderful detail…sweet potato pancakes, bacon, potatoes! That sounds like paradise! And that probably tells you how well shopping goes for me. NOTHING, and I do mean nothing, stays right because I’m so short. Not to mention I’ve added 10 lb. and on short people, you see everything.
If I ever get married, the only food I’m serving is potatoes. Fries, mashed, baked, oh wait. I can have a potato-fest all by my single self. Yayyy.
It WAS paradise! Actually, just reading your comment has convinced me that I need to go back there and have it again. Maybe for lunch tomorrow. Cravings are real. Ha.
And! Your potato love sounds like Samwise 🙂
Sounds like it was a lot of fun 🙂
Looking forward to the wedding snaps to see what dress you decided on in the end!
Oooo! Thanks Draliman! I will post them as long as it doesn’t turn out that my dress is hideous and I was just under the influence of alcohol when I purchased it.
This post describes an ideal wedding dress trip. By ideal, I mean full of booze. Your sisters-in-law sound awesome!
Although I am not engaged, my grandmother has decided that 1) she is paying for my dress and 2) we will have to buy it at the shop where they film I Found the Gown, and I’ve never seen a bride with champagne on that show. BYO Flask?
If you google “ideal,” I’m pretty sure it pops up with a wikipedia article that defines it as “full of booze.”
I’ve not seen that show, or any of the big bridal shows (sounds stressful!) but I think it’s adorable that she has that all planned out for you! Definitely take your own flask. I have never ever ever regretted a single time I’ve taken my flask somewhere.
Wedding dress shopping sounds like the worst… I’ve been as support for others. But your SILs sound SO FUN! Especially the past about eating 3x in five hours. WINNERS. Wedding diet, whaaaa?
I’m eloping. :):):)
Wedding diet, whaaaa? is the story of my life! Gunmetal Geisha and I talk on WhatsApp and I’m constantly like “hold on, gotta order some ice cream, hold on gotta pay for this candy.” It’s a problem.
And I always said I would elope too… not sure what happened. ha.
I think you look awesome in all the pictures Aussa. It really sounds like a hoot to have 4 SIL’s to shop and eat and drink with.You look really happy in the pics. Love SIL#3 in the backseat with the goats – Ha! – everywhere Aussa is, there be goats. Ha! Tall brides look very sweeping and majestic in their gowns Aussa – you will look like a princess for sure.
Aw thank you Paul! Height definitely helps hide some things, so that’s some stress of my plate 🙂 And oh yes, we definitely have a lot of fun. Perhaps toooo much fun… family get togethers are always a good time. Alex’s family is VERY normal and stable and quiet, it will be interesting to see how the two mix 😉
You might be surprised, sometimes it only takes the influence of a couple of “fun” folks to turn the “normal and stable and quiet” to a barrel of monkeys! (or goats)
I do remember my shopping experience. It was just me. And the clerk. My mom lived across the country and I lived alone in my new town, so I went by myself. Found a dress off the rack that fit AND was on sale, and that was that.
My mom still carries on about having missed that HUGE event. But that didn’t stop her from trying ON my dress about 15 years later. While I wasn’t home. Mom. wtf?
*muffled laughter*
I didn’t drink then, but it makes me want to drink now, remembering it…
Off the rack and on sale? You are a champion among brides, Stef. But oh my gosh. Please tell me you walked in and she was wearing it. Please tell me this is how it happened. That is hilarious. I feel like putting on someone else’s wedding dress is like putting on their underwear. HAHAHAHA
LOL. I don’t remember if I walked in…I think she was staying with us one year, and she just *HAPPENED* to mention that she tried on my dress while I was at work. We were like “uh…?”
My dress that was in the baaaaaaccccckkkk of our closet. In our bedroom. Behind closed doors. What. the. heck. After that I had it boxed up and preserved. IN A SEALED BOX, MOM. SEALED.
Actually, I’m surprised she didn’t model the damn thing for us. She’s the kind of mom who loves to go on and ON about how she weighs what she did in highschool and how NO ONE was ever skinnier than her. She still makes comments like, “Oh, well, you were always a *sturdy* child”. I used to counter this by getting out the pictures of me at age 8, looking a shade heavier than a holocaust survivor, and say, “Huh. Really?” Now I just nod and smile and say to myself, “well, *I* can lose 20 pounds, but *you* can’t get any younger”.
*makes note to self to NEVER TRY TO OUTSHINE MY DAUGHTERS when I’m 74*
That is so hilarious. She sounds like a TV show character!
I dress shopped alone because my mother was so pissed I wouldn’t wear her yellowed and pit sweat-stained satin dress from 1950 she refused to pay for one dime or spend one minute shopping for me…the bride. Although she did drag me to five stores on three different occasions to buy her mother-of-the bride dress…I am exceptionally happily married though so ya know, you do what you have to. YOUR Sisters-in law kick righteous booty.
No! You’re kidding! What was she thinking?! I’m learning that Mom’s get a tad bit weird when their daughters are getting married… note to self, don’t be like this in the future.
I love that you say you’re “exceptionally” happily married. That makes me happy. Kick ass, Pattie!
I hate when I am trying something on and it gets stuck and then I kind of have a claustrophobic panic attack and worry I’ll never get it off and I’ll be stuck wearing some terrible outfit that I only tried on as a joke in the first place (I swear!) and I envision my life in this new awful too tight outfit and suddenly I am drenched with sweat and can’t breathe and I practically destroy it trying to free myself. And that’s why I don’t have nice things.
YES seriously. I have had double layer clothing get completely stuck where I can’t even find my way back out of it, like it’s a fabric cave-in. Tight clothes in general are just the worst. Like now it is cold and I have to wear a coat on top of a long sleeved shirt. KILL. I won’t properly bend my arms again until next May.
I’m sure you’ll look just perfect when you finally walk down the aisle, Aussa! Don’t listen to the people who make you feel bad about your body – it’s their fault they don’t have clothes that fit you. It’s a design issue, not a form issue!
And you’ve seen my wedding photos, right? My wedding dress wasn’t actually a dress, it was a saree. A six-yard, impossible-to-manage-alone, seamless fabric in bright red and gold that I later learned I could’ve draped two dozen ways. Phew!
I must’ve looked at at least a thousand of those before I finally chose one. And as luck would have it, I was absolutely alone when I finally found it. Which also means Mister got to see it only at the wedding, which worked well. No need for more bad luck here either, sister!! 😉
You’re right. I should feel sorry for THEM that they don’t get to clothe me. HA! And okay I have seen your photos and your honeymoon photos but now I kind of want to go look at them again, to see your Sari, which sounds gorgeous. Send a link? 🙂
To be honest you can’t really see the entire outfit but there are a few pictures here:
http://anawnimiss.wordpress.com/2014/05/25/wedding-chronicles-day-2/
And I have an idea. How about we trade? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours! 😉
wow. That brought tears to MY eyes Anawnimiss! Really, really beautiful!
Awww Julie, I’m glad you liked it! 🙂
(I do hope you’re talking about the post and not about my shameless offer to Aussa!)
The neseccity for clothes has been an issue all my life, which began in my cousin’s hand me down diapers, and as I grew form skinny child to old age, shaped like an inverted funnel, never improved. Rich, or those empty persons who are nasty will always try, but I think of the lovely places my body and mind have been and refuse to dislike it’s scars and flaws. Allergic to alcohol, a good thing. From W odd.
I agree. I can’t begrudge my scars because of what they signify me surviving at some point. And I can’t hate on my feet for carrying me all over the world, or my body for carrying everything I owned on my back. Good perspective, Worzelodd.
You honestly look adorable in both of those dresses! Seriously, you’ll look amazing in the dress that you’ve picked, I’m sure. 🙂
Lol not to digress too much, but I’ve gone wedding dress shopping for two different engagements when I was young and silly. It’s nice to see you’re moving closer to what will be a genuine marriage, Aussa. Woohoo! Honestly, drinking while trying on wedding dresses sounds divine.
“Genuine marriage” sounds intimidating 😉 Haha! But drinking and dress shopping is definitely at the top of my list of recommendations for future brides. If I were more strategic, I would have spaced it out over an entire weekend…
Haha that sounds perfect! 🙂
You shoulda snarked at those shop girls and said didn’t they know…junk in the trunk is totes in right now, how would they dress Kim or Jennifer if they walked in the shop?
True dat. Or Iggy whats her face. I should have stood on top of the velvet couch and started singing “All About That Bass” while spraying champagne everywhere.
Sorry, I didn’t read all this post as I was too busy staring at the pics of you and your hot friends! You’re all HAWT!
Stop it. You look great in those dresses and your guy is a lucky dude. Now go have another cocktail and stop worrying.
Hahaha! Those are my sister-in-laws 😉
Amazingly enough, Alex also said he didn’t read the post, just looked at the photos. HA!
*I’m being facetious. The wedding industry is just a parade of a-holes.
…who apparently don’t have enough bootylicious buttock to cover them adequately.
Apparently!
Well I did wonder at what point you would realise how hideously huge you are! Seriously, are they kidding?! They should count themselves lucky to have had such a beauty visit their establishment! Did you buy the dress elsewhere, and then later go back to the first shop with your purchase and do that whole Pretty Woman “Big mistake!” thing?
Hahahaha! Oh my gosh, I should have!!! Is it too late?! I need to do it. “Big mistake, HUGE. Like my assssssss.”
Oh my friend. I got a dress stuck on me while trying them on. Two friends and the store clerk had to pull it off. Oh and it was stuck on my boobs, over my head, and all I remember saying is, “I can’t breathe. I’m going to die in this dress”.
Oh man. That is such a desperate feeling– getting stuck in an article of clothing! Though the evil part of me is glad I’m not the only one… At least, if you HAD died, you could have been buried in something beautiful. And expensive.
Aussa – you truly look terrific! Don’t believe any of that negative body image stuff! 🙂
Thanks Lynette 🙂
Wait…the iphone 6 has slo mo??? My life just got so much better. I got one for my BDay in December. How have I gone four months and not noticed this? (this from the girl who tried and tried to find a way to tune NPR on the new car radio, only to tell the hubs there’s no way to scroll to specific channels. Upon closer inspection, he delighted in informing me, “Uhhh, I was able to set NPR on your radio. I can see how you had so much trouble. I had to use the giant knob labeled, “scroll to tune”)
YES!!!! Get you some slo mo. In the bedroom. Tonight.