I tried to pull my blog up at a Verizon store but it refused– saying my site was not allowed based on “restrictions”. Restrictions? What does that mean. Restrictions on greatness? No, likely not. It’s probably because I talk about naked selfies, Bedroom Talk, that guy who wanted to rip my pantyhose, and things that don’t belong in my vagina.
With nothing better to do with my time, I decided to be mildly outraged.
“What is this, communist China?”
Educated folk might smirk at this bit of hyperbole, but I was just being facetious. Because obviously that Verizon store wasn’t China– I would know, I once lived there for a while and became something of an expert on the fabulousness that is Chinese culture. Think it’s just fortune cookies and karate? Think again. I give you…
An Exotic Land of Pink Polos
There was a period in high school where it became very trendy for jock guys to don the color pink– perhaps this was the first entry of that annoying “irony” that hipsters are so fond of. Regardless, that trend has taken hold in China and hunkered down for the long haul. Fun fact: There are 1.357 billion people living in China. 814,200,000 of them are men. 608,198,011 of those men are currently wearing pink polos.
A Liberated World of Male Midriffs
Gender inequality is a very real thing, all over the world. This is never more obvious than when a wave of heat hits China and the men begin lifting their shirts up to aerate their sweaty bits. Are we women allowed to follow suit? Heavens, no. We must maintain our modesty. Unless, of course, you’re one of the women in the porn movies that the upper left guy is nonchalantly selling in his little shop.
Where True Love Means Coordinated Wardrobes
I developed a lot of survival skills whilst living overseas, and one of the most important was the ability to take photos of people from behind. Now, here in ‘Murica families do tend to wear color coordinated outfits for family portrait day– but in China, it’s just another way of saying “I choose you.” This can be pulled off by mixing and matching various shades, or by keeping everything perfectly ordered, down to the shoes. And when a youngin comes along, it doesn’t have to ruin everything. No, you can just make it a triple and be as perfect as the little Panda family below. The guy on the bottom right was just a snazzy dresser that deserved an honorable mention for his Skittles-like ensemble.
While I’m being mildly offensive, let me list three of my favorite things about China:
1. They don’t have time zones. Time is just time is just time. The government says so.
2. If it reaches a certain temperature of heat, laborers don’t have to work outside because its dangerous. But it’s never ever ever gotten that hot. Ever. The government says so.
3. You don’t get to choose your college major. It’s based on your test scores, because they’re the best indication of what you should do with the rest of your life. Don’t want to be a mechanic? Too bad. The government says so.
*I really enjoyed my time in China. And the people. I even kind of had a dog that was almost murdered. (Numbers 2 & 3 were true in Shaanxi province, not sure if its the whole country. Probably.)
What amusing cultural trends have you noticed in your own country, or abroad? How unethical is it to take photos of strangers? Has your site ever been flagged for inappropriate content?
Want to keep in touch? Drop your email below and I'll send you FULL POSTS anytime I write something new. Only want to know book news? Get on the list here.