There’s snow on the ground, which I find unspeakably oppressive. Winter is terrible—I know it has something to do with bugs dying or Greek myths about kidnapping women, but I’ve had enough. My only comfort is getting to watch everyone freak out about the impending snowpocalypse as they fight to the death over the last loaf of gluten-free quinoa buns. Speaking of fighting to the death, there are a few things on the horizon that warm me with hope:
Game of Thrones is Coming Back
Nothing gets me going like watching a bisexual warrior get his head smashed in, or a bunch of beloved characters slain at a wedding. I’m ready to see how much more awkward Bran can get as he moves through adolescence, and what those creepy little eternal children are. I also feel like it’s been too long since I used “Little Finger” as a verb, as in “I Little Fingered so many people at work today.” To help myself pass the time until it’s April debut, I could play the Game of Thrones board game I bought for Alex… except he always beats me, because by the time we’ve read the 90-page instruction booklet I’m rolling around on the floor complaining about the wrinkles I’ve developed in the time it takes to remember how to play.
There is a Thing Called Watermelon Boba Tea
Have you had this? You need to. It tastes like a unicorn’s pheromones, it’s like ingesting a slushy form of pure joy with little chewy bits inside. Once Spring hits, I down at least two of these every week. When I can’t get to the boba place, I just drive around town eating watermelon out of a huge bowl because THIS GIRL is the definition of class.
I’m Having a Wedding
That should probably say “I’m Getting Married” but those seem to be two very distinct beasts. Either way, we’re looking at three months until The Feyonce formerly known as The Boyfran becomes “The Husband” which is super boring sounding. Hopefully nothing else is boring though. I’ve got 9 children in the wedding party and they’ll be walking down an aisle that’s flanked with fire, so I’m pretty sure the whole thing will be worthy of a George R. R. Martin death scene. I’ve also got family drama galore and a Feyonce who thinks its okay to answer every question with “we’ll just do whatever happens.” I’m pretty sure that’s almost a direct quote from the arsehole who didn’t want to clutter the decks of the Titanic with extra lifeboats. You know what happens when you just do whatever happens? You get hypothermia and LET GO about 20-seconds after saying you never will. Oh my gosh. There is a Frozen joke in there somewhere. But I can’t make it because my brain has atrophied in the pursuit for the right shade of envelope to match my wedding invitations. Did you know that there is a proper way to address an envelope? Ha! Me neither! Too late.
Pray for me, you guys.
What are YOU most looking forward to right now? What do you miss the most during Winter? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done while driving down the road?
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