My coworker Mandi is on medical leave for the next few weeks and its completely disrupting my flow. It’s impossible to tell what might happen from day to day in this Godforsaken hell hole—Nurses threatening to kill each other, the exploration of underground tunnels, or the perhaps public meltdown of someone who doesn’t know how glove compartments work. But there is one thing I can always count on, and that’s my mandatory morning meeting. Every day from 9:01AM to whenever I have to pee, I am in Mandi’s office.
Sometimes there is coffee, sometimes there are donuts, but one thing I can always count on? Walking up on something completely ridiculous.
Like stealing Cable TV or making improvised shanks
Mandi’s responsible for reviewing our security footage, so I can always count on her to have a new story. “You should blog about this,” is said so often that it comes out sounding like one long word.
But now, she is gone and I am all alone. I go sit in her office… casting my eyes about in sadness… remembering the good times. As a lucky mid-week treat for you, I’ll take you on a tour of this very special place. Starting with the seat upon which I rest my arse, below the handmade Game of Thrones torches I fashioned for her on her birthday:
Sitting with my back against the wall, I’m able to let my eyes wander over the glorious vistas of her shelving unit, and all they hold:
Due entirely to sentimentality– and not laziness– she’s held on to the armor and shields I got for her, and keeps them near the piles of black trash bags that cover a much-coveted ink cartridge she stole from another coworker.
Her office doesn’t just give ME life, it brings life to all manner of God’s creation– like this plant, which is growing out of a two-year-old water bottle. The empty red pot next to it represents all the broken dreams and failures of our organization.
The Pinstrosity below is an enticing booby-trap for all who dare to clean Mandi’s office. Despite being painted over 18 months ago, the paint has managed to stay wet all this time and will rub off on you with the slightest touch. There is nothing quite like watching a new initiate get caught gold-handed. Not to be outdone by the shelves, Mandi’s desk is also home to all sorts of treasures like shrink wrapped Salt & Pepper shakers, a roll of toilet paper, and a manicure set that she may or may not have taken from a condemned homeless shelter.
Every so often Mandi will have to take a call or pretend to work, so I occupy myself by dressing and undressing David:
Obviously she’s a lover of fine arts– further evidenced by this mural I drew on the back of some wrapping paper in 2012. Nothing says “This is a safe place” quite like a dinosaur that’s about to get killed by an exploding volcano. I hope she hurries up and comes back to work, because I’ve been getting WAY too much work done without her.
What’s the most random item you can see right now? Is there anything you absolutely must have in order to start your day? What are you procrastinating from by reading this right now?
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