Sometimes I’ll open up the camera roll on my iPhone and be like “WTF? Where did that come from?” Usually this is because Gunmetal Geisha has sent me a photo via WhatsApp, and it automatically gets saved to my camera roll. This can run the spectrum of charming photos with friends to sneakily captured photos of her professor to various flies that invaded the place where she was staying.
At least these have an explanation. What I CAN’T explain are various photos that 1: Probably shouldn’t have ever been taken and 2: Should definitely have been deleted afterwards. For example…
Seriously, No One Cares That:
A) I am in anguish
B) I’m trying to compete with a preggo friend’s belly shot
C) I tried to create my own prescription sunglasses
D) I have lines on my face from the chiropractor
I Think These Were Actually Attempts To Explain Things:
E) I thought this was some sort of fruit at first but actually I think it’s me trying to illustrate what happens when an IUD “migrates” out of the uterus.
F) Someone on the internet said a man’s schlong was three times the length of your thumb so I had to measure this out because WTF no, stop it. Maybe just because I have long creepy alien fingers.
G) That looks like a cocktail napkin that says “antediluvian” on it, so obviously I was explaining this concept to Alex whilst we got inebriated, because what else would we talk about?
H) A tampon and a staple puller? I think the staple puller was to provide a size reference. But why? I don’t know.
Alex Probably Told Me I Wasn’t Allowed To Put These on The Internet:
I) Me kicking him in the face while he pretends a wrapping paper roll is a trumpet?
J) Him walking through the Target parking lot while shooting the Minions’ Fart Blaster Gun I’d just purchased for my nephew.
K) Him being suuuuper OCD and polishing off the tiniest little smudges in his windshield.
L) Airing up a woopie cushion?
I Honestly Don’t Remember Taking These and Cannot Explain
M) Sweet baby HaySeuss I actually have no idea what this is
N) A shot of Zola in my bed, straddling my computer, taken from above my head, where my glasses are perched?
O) My workplace. Go figure.
P) There was something very significant about this door lock that I just felt the need to document.
Okay, YOUR turn. I want you to explain the following four photos:
Do you have any photos in your phone that you can’t quite explain? How good are you at deleting things that should NEVER be seen by anyone else? What are your best guesses for the last four photos I posted?
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