I’m getting married later this week so I feel like now is a good opportunity to reflect on all the shitty guys I’ve been involved with in the past. I say it’s important to relish in the darkness of past disasters lest we forget all the swamps of shite that must be traversed before “Happily Ever After.” You hear me? This is inspiring! Or something.
The Man Child: I really thought he was “the one” for like 48 hours. But then I realized he just needed me to be some sexy version of his mother while doing his laundry and throwing away the 900 cans of Sprite he drank in a day. Also, the drugs.
The Middle Aged Stalker: Every girl needs to experience at least one romantic episode where she dates a guy who is legit TWICE her age. Maybe don’t go so far as to let him become a stalker who you have to get a restraining order against because he sends your naked photos around. But if you do find yourself in this situation, just know you have a plan for revenge and that Karma is ALWAYS on your side.
We won’t go into the other guy just yet, but he’s featured quite heavily on this handy dandy list of ways to tell if your boyfriend is cheating on you! Summary: No, his sister did NOT leave her thong tangled in his bedsheets.
Now that you’ve watched the Alex +Aussa (#AuSex) Fairytale unfold, you can consider me a legit expert on romance. This is exactly why I met up with a long lost love I’d never gotten over and promptly discovered he was a douche, before getting wasted and accusing him of being a compulsive liar.
If you can emulate this sort of classy behavior, you too can deal with the unwavering affection of the following winners:
- My coworker who insisted we needed to have a baby together since we’re both redheads.
- The neighbor guy who wouldn’t stop knocking at my door until he found someone else to obsess over before almost getting admitted to the psych hospital where I work.
- The sweaty chap at JCPenney’s who wanted to rip pantyhose off of me and pantomimed exactly how he’d do it.
On the eve of my nuptials, I want you to take away these valuable lessons because I am obviously an expert at life:
Things are only shitty until they just aren’t anymore
It’s possible for happiness to sneak up on you. And when you’re in the thick of a crisis or the depths of depression, you have to remember there is always another side to it. Life will bring you shit but eventually it’s going to be flushed away.
We actually do get to make decisions that change our lives
Sometimes we’re a victim of the shittiest things that life can hand or do to us. And often there is nothing we could have done to avoid it and we didn’t do anything to deserve it. BUT we do get to decide how we react. This is the most underrated power that most all of us possess: You get to make decisions every day. You CAN decide to change things. You’re actually in control over a fair amount of your life and at the very least you’re the only person who has any say in how you perceive your own existence.
Sometimes life is kind to us despite our inability to make good choices
I’m fully committed to being stupid and reckless and have a very impressive track record of jumping without looking, walking into burning buildings, and choosing self-destruction. Thankfully we don’t always reap what we sow, and there is more than enough goodness to go around.
I want to thank all of you for journeying along through all these horrifying and laughable tales and for your many congrats for me and Alex. The wedding is on Saturday and then we’ll be in Costa Rica for about a week. I’m probably going to be THAT BRIDE who totally instagrams palm trees while she should be on her honeymoon and then tweets about getting drunk on free drinks, so be sure to keep up on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
Alex DOES read this blog but still… I have to wonder if he has any clue what he’s gotten himself into? This should be fun.
Any parting advice before I make my way down the aisle? It’s not too late.
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I am very happy for you, Aussa…well..not for the shitty boyfriends..the getting married and being happy part.
Thank you Michelle! And I suppose I can’t lament the shitty boyfriends toooo much… they definitely shed some perspective and help me to feel grateful.
Nah, who am I kidding. Feck those a-holes. Muahahaha
You are the most prepared bride-to-be I have ever not met! You have asked all the important questions and have been through all possible life scenarios, so you are all set! Congratulations Aussa, I wish you only the best. 🙂 🙂
Aw, thanks! Gah I hope I’m prepared. We’ll see. Alex has been moving his stuff into my house over the last few days, which has been a hilarious dipping-of-the-toes into the ocean of cohabitation. I have a feeling it’s going to get interesting 😉
Hey Miss Aussa. I know you don’t have time for any serious nonsense, but if I may be serious for a moment: I am very happy for you two, and it’s been a total pleasure watching this story unfold.
Marriage gets a bad rap, in large part because most of us are so bad at it.
You’re extraordinarily brilliant and resourceful. So, please. Never be bad at it. Because we don’t have to be.
I wish you unlimited years of adventure and laughs and the love/best friend/soul mate-ish bond that only the best marriages bring.
I can’t wait to read about it.
Congratulations, Aussa. Thank you for sharing this journey with the rest of us. I hope you’ll continue to.
Cheers to you both.
To many years.
What a lovely comment!
Aww, thank you Matt! It is always nice to hear from you 🙂
I am going to try my best to not be bad at it. And when there are parts of it that are funny– disastrous or wonderful– I will definitely share it 😉
Thanks again!
Just have fun, is my advice. It’s worked for me & my hubbie for 25 years….I’d love to send you a special wedding gift, the coffee-table book I wrote “Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More,” featuring 75 couples I interviewed (husbands & wives separately). It’s got all their secrets to a happy forever marriage. Consider it a thank you for all the great laughs you’ve provided me. If you’re okay with it, email me a good mailing address for you & the hubbie: Sheryl@TheRelationshipInsider.com.
Aw, thank you Sheryl! That would be wonderful and I would loooove to read their stories and advice. I love stuff like that. Also because you see how different people are, and how differently they relate to each other. Yet there are always similarities, it seems. I will email you ASAP! Thanks 🙂
Hope you have a beautiful day – congratulations to you both!
Thank you Suzie!
Go, Aussa, go, Alex!! Live it up and keep your feet on the ground. xxoo
On your honeymoon, keep your feet in the air. At least that is what I did. No need to IG that…
Hahahahaha but you know I will 😉
We plan to go go go! I’m ready for the hours to pass 🙂
Aussa! I am so very happy for you! You have already lead such an incredible life, buckle up baby cause you are about to embark on a new ride, keep your arms inside at all times, given your track record this is bound to be a doozy! I am so happy that I found you so early on, and that you have been kind enough to share so much of yourself and your stories. You almost got me to sign up for the instagram, twitter and facebook. Almost. Have fun, Costa Rica is a beautiful place! Please be careful. Hugs and kisses to you and Alex
Thank you so much Julie 🙂 I am glad you found me early on as well! I feel like just the 18 months or so that I’ve been blogging has been SUCH a ride. Especially having it start at the tail end of all the court stuff… so crazy! But also fun– parts of it, at least 😉
I’ll try my best to be careful! I’ve been making a significant effort to not break anything or maim myself before the wedding. Only 3 days left to go!
I just hope Alex knows how lucky he is. Your readers know how lucky we are, every time we read your blog. Congratulations to both of you!
Aw, thank you Ann 🙂 And I definitely feel like I’m the lucky one with him! He’s way kinder and definitely more decent haha
I don’t have any shite to talk! Just wishing you all the best 🙂
Well I will also accept that, Joey 🙂 Thank you!!!
As long as you can make each other laugh (and who COULDN’T you make laugh!?) you will both be fine. I will not jinx you with the myriad of ways I’m now thinking I settled (after 13!! years together) and just tell you that you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a respectable intolerance for bullshit. I wish you both never-ending compassion, joy, love, luck and all that good stuff that fits in a champagne glass (bottle? box??). Have fun and get crazy; it’s your wedding. 🙂
“Have fun and get crazy,” I LOVE that! I’m going to toast that to everyone before the ceremony begins! And all the things you wished for me… I wish for us as well. It’s a good list. Oh and champagne never hurts any situation 😉
It sounds like you got this covered. Congrats!
I do my best. HA! Thank you 😀
When in doubt, empty the magazine.
Wait, no, relationship advice…
Uh, don’t forget to bring a towel?
Anyway, congratulations, and I hope your day, and marriage, is wonderful!
Oh ma gah that’s ironic though because I somehow managed to jam up a shotgun that I can’t get to release/unload. WTF. I was trying to unload it before people stayed over with me last weekend. Instead it’s just crammed in my attic until my brother can look at it.
I got distracted. Wait. Towel? Wait.
Oh yeah, thank you!!!
I am in no position to give advice about anything to anyone. But I am REALLLLY happy for you! Can’t wait to see the wedding pics! 🙂
WEDDING PICS!!!!!! 😀
Thank you Calliope!!! I’m excited for the photos too… at least the candids. Portraits are always horrifying. But hopefully I get in some good selfies of myself cramming my face with cheese. Oh and being in love etc. But mostly cheese and booze.
Ahhhh, and the adventure continues. My congratulations to you and Alex, Aussa. I wish you a long, healthy and joyous marriage.
Yes, indeed! A new adventure begins, really… should be a good one. Thank you Paul!
Have fun and remember to breathe. I actually forgot the second one and nearly passed out at the altar. Good luck and congrats. Enjoy your big day.
Haha! I’ve heard some horror stories of people passing out from the same, or getting super dehydrated. I’m going to sleep a lot and drink tons of water starting now– just in case. Ha!
Never heard of the dehydration one. Good to be prepared.
So excited for you, Aussa! And it sounds like Alex knows what he’s getting into and he is a very blessed man. You are obviously an awesome person! Hugs and gooshy stuff! 🙂
Aw thank you thank you! Yep, Alex seems fully aware and yet, miraculously, still willing? Brave guy, that one!
Unfortunately, you have to wade through the shitter find the gold, but it’s worth it. Congratulations to you and Alex. Have a fabulous day, enjoy it all, and forget about twitter, et al. Have fun in Costa Rica. 🙂
It is most DEFINITELY worth it. I don’t think I’d change a thing, honestly. And I probably WILL forget to tweet… I totally failed to keep the world apprised of my bachelorette party shenanigans when they were happening, dangit 😉
Congrats! I really love the whole “things are only shitty until they aren’t anymore” So true, especially in love. I know so many women who say that they’re never going to find anyone because everyone dated before sucked. But if you’re looking to find someone who you’re going to be with until you die, there’s no past precedent for that. It’s a one time deal
YES! Seriously! That’s one of the biggest realizations I’ve come to! And even though it sounds kind of defeated and negative, it gives me a lot of hope when something feels shitty.
And for this exact reason I will never ever accept the “I won’t find a good one” comment. Nope! Been there, did all the dumb things, still got lucky. It’s possible!
Ah, my pretend red-headed niece. My advice (after being married twice) is never lose yourself in the marriage! Always be who you are and let Alex be who he is and everything will work out. Especially the bad stuff. Alex is perfect for you. He is the straight guy to your comic side. Have a blast at your wedding and a damn good time on the honeymoon. Big hugs and many well wishes. 🙂
Thank you Jackie 🙂 And that’s good advice– I went out with two coworkers yesterday after work and they gave me very similar advice. I feel like I’ve seen that become the cause of issues in other people’s marriages… Hopefully I can avoid that. Though I do see how it can easily happen. Hopefully with some compassion and kickassery we will weather through it! Thank you again!
I am so happy for you both! The first Aussa blog post I read was the engagement and we can all tell that Alex is a special guy. But since he reads this… take care of our girl Alex. She’s got lots of friends on meds who are willing to fly down and take care of you. Not to mention some seriously sketchy exs who would love for you to mess this up. No pressure.
My only marriage advice you already have covered. Everything is easier with a sense of humor. Congrats!!
No! Was it really? Awwww!!!! That’s awesome!!!
And OMG I love your warning to him. Going to send it to him just to be extra sure he gets the message 😉 I love it.
Thank you so much Kristine!
I’m just so happy that you’ve found your person.
I’ve been with mine for 27 years and honestly, truly, it gets better every year despite the odds.
Our secret? Traits that your relationship already possesses – Humor and respect. Love is a verb and if you want more – give more. His and her sinks are also very helpful 🙂
Best wishes, my friend! Sending you love, happiness and sunshine on your special day!
Oh I hope the sunshine you’re sending does show up! It’s 50% chance of rain right now… fingers crossed. I mean, we’ll make it work either way but sun would be nice!
And humor and respect– I will keep that in mind. I will wither away without humor in my life, and respect is something I need to put at the front of my mind, both to give and to expect. “Love is a verb,” I love that too. Thanks Michelle!
Maybe a little rain Aussa, early, like before the ceremony. Rain on your wedding day is supposed to be good luck. Or maybe someone just made that up so brides wouldn’t feel like rain ruined their day.
Hey Julie! I’m secretly mostly back 🙂 And I will have to blog about the wedding fa sho, but! It didn’t rain at all! At least not until after we had left. It was a wedding miracle 🙂
Hey – this is wonderful news, I hope you both have a spectacularly happy/memorable day. As one who had many relationships (ahem) but has only had one marriage (which will pass the 40 yr mark very soon) I can hardly be called an ‘expert’ – but my word of advice is, ‘Never stop talking to one another.’
He’s a lucky guy to get you – but I suspect you’re a lucky lass to get him. And that is as it should be.
Have fun.
Warmest best wishes to you both
40 years, dang! Nicely done 🙂 And that is EXCELLENT advice. The thought of that happening breaks my heart… but I know that sometimes we find ourselves letting things slip if we don’t remember to make them a priority.
I am definitely lucky to get him! Beyond lucky. I do not deserve him. But I’ll take him!
Thank you 🙂
Ermagerd! I’m so happy for you and just a tiny bit scared for Alex. JK! He better get ready, we’ve got TONS of fuckups–I mean cool shit to do!
Hahahahahahaha! LURVE YER STERPH.
I can’t wait to fuckup all over the place! I mean do cool shit.
Go forth, be happy knowing that you know better and can now do better! Enjoy Costa Rica PURA VIDA baby! I loved it there 🙂 Wishing you both all the good things.
PS missing FB for knowing how things are, but it was a good choice to support hubbie 🙂
Choosing the hubbie over FB is always a good choice, you’re a wise woman! And oooo you’ve been to Costa Rica? This will be my first time. Cannot wait. The beach, it calls to me. As long as there are no tsunamis. Ha… And thank you Terri!
Best wishes to both of you; I don’t know about your betrothed, but you have certainly earned a “happily ever after.”
Thank you so much 🙂 Yes, he definitely deserves a Happily Ever After as well. If only for never being someone’s asshole they have to blog about. And for sticking it out until I came along 🙂
Tell me it ain’t so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wait… I knew about this… I can survive this… I guess…
Hahahahaha! Yes. You will survive. We will get through this. With lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and periods………………………………..
I haven’t checked in here in ages. Glad to know you’re still brilliant. Congratulations. I hope you’re always happy but continue finding humor in everyday bullshit.
I read your comment aloud to Alex while we were eating dinner (I had ice cream….) because I thought it was so brilliant. Words to live by right there! Thanks!
You definitely don’t want to be seen walking down the aisle with a steam of toilet paper flowing from the heel of your demurely spiked heel.
Aside from that, I don’t think you really have much to worry about.
Seems you’ve done your research and it has served you well.
If I’ve managed to hold it together for forty years and counting, should be a piece of cake for you.
Best wishes, kid, for a long, glorious, unforgettable journey together.
Hope you’re as lucky as he is.
Harris
I am definitely as lucky– if not more so– than he is! And nooooo there will not be any spiked heels happening! Flats all the way 🙂
Thanks Harris! I hope to get to that forty year mark as well. And beyond!
So happy for you! Have a wonderful wedding and don’t forget to just enjoy the day. Stuff will go wrong (it always does). Just laugh it off and remember how lucky you are to be joining your life to Alex’s!
Yessss must remind myself that wedding = getting to be with Alex and have joint adventures forever. That will definitely help when something catches on fire or the building floods or my bridesmaids start clawing each other’s eyes out. I’ll be like *grabs passport* “byeeeeee!”
Whoo-hoo! Congratulations and have a good time. You had to kiss a lot of frogs, and all that jazz.
Yep, many a frog! And one snake.
All worth it in the end.
Thank you!!!
Parting advice? Hmmm … start the way you plan to go on. But I guess you already did that, didn’t you?
I do need to mention, though, I’m a little put out. I read this blog in order to be revitalized by a whole lot of happy nonsense and insanity that helps me believe I’m actually quite normal. It’s a tad disconcerting to find actual good sense here. So, with regard to “BUT we do get to decide how we react. This is the most underrated power that most all of us possess: You get to make decisions every day. You CAN decide to change things” – yes, you’re right, and thanks for the reminder. Now go do something nuts before we all start taking you too seriously!
And to end on a serious note – because, shit, you are indeed getting married and are on the verge of being a grown-up lady now – BE HAPPY. I am truly so very happy for you… 🙂
Hahahaha well now I most certainly would not want to be taken seriously over here! Heaven forbid. I will immediately put a stop to that. Let’s see:
1. I ate ice cream for dinner
2. I tried on the dress I bought for the rehearsal dinner, which is a good thing because I’d failed to notice half the front of it was totally sheer/AKA I’m a hooker. So that’s not going to work.
3. I walked around in an absolutely asbestos-ridden building today. It was full of graffiti and baby cribs. Then the Department of Environmental Quality lady was like “WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!” But it was fun while it lasted.
Okay, that should do it for now! Oh, and thank you 🙂
My credibility on this subject is at an all time low, so I will instead borrow some advice I overheard my friend Vincent receive from a customer in Hayward as we were delivering and installing the new kitchen appliances she had been given as her 50th anniversary present. When Vincent despaired to her that he wasn’t going to make it to fifteen, much less fifty, she said “I find that the important thing is to find ways to respect the other person’s individuality, the things that attracted you in the first place.” Vincent seemed to think this was very wise, your results may vary.
If I were a crude person, I would make a joke about Alex having a clue what he’s getting himself into. Please duly note the fact that I did not make such a joke.
This is shaping up to be a memorable week. You are getting married, and I am getting my other eyeball fixed tomorrow. So I should be able to see whatever pictures you post with both eyes!
Woo hoo! That’s exciting about your eye! Tomorrow! That will be the ending to quite a saga. Excited for you!
And– that’s good advice. Because I know that even in past relationships those things that first attracted the person are often what they become jealous or cruel about. Or in the case of less twisted people, I could see those things becoming annoying. I will do my best to take Vincent’s customer’s advice to heart!
Here’s to both of us having a kick ass week, Doug!
Parting advice from someone who will be celebrating her 25th anniversary this summer (God I’m old)… Go to bed angry. Shit looks a lot better after a good night’s sleep. And… he will never, ever, never be able to read your mind. Never. But hopefully after 25 years he will remember how you like your hamburger. (I think that happened for me, like, last year.)
I am trying very hard to learn the “can’t read your mind” lesson early on! That’s been a toughey for me but I think I’m coming around to reality over here 😉
And I like that you go against the “conventional” wisdom about not going to bed angry. It’s very true though. Sleep cures all sorts of crazy thoughts and fiery emotions.
Thank you! And Happy (early) Anniversary!
No big advice from me except to not expect to find YOUR happiness in your partner. Be happy WITH him, not because of him. And yes, don’t hash shit out at night when your both tired, grumpy, drunk, or whatever. Wait until morning or until you’ve both had sleep and a chance to unwind. Have a blast at your wedding and have as much fun as possible on your honeymoon. I’ll save the rest of my sage advice for when/if you expand your family. When I married my husband, I could definitely call him my best friend. It’s been almost 20 years since we met, and I still consider him my best friend (with a great ass and a really cute smile).
This is interesting advice, usually I hear don’t go to bed upset/mad, get it all out before.
I love that you still think of your husband that way. Gives me great hope! And as I’ve gotten older than like 22 I’ve definitely proved incapable of staying sane and rational when I’m lacking sleep– so that is definitely no time for an argument. Very good advice.
And I think one good thing about both of us being in our late twenties, and having traveled, is that we won’t be looking to each other for fulfillment. That’s too heavy a burden for anyone!
Thank you for the words of wisdom!
Just remember to keep doing you. 🙂 The “us” is fabulous but there’s still “you” and there’s still “him”. If ya get my meaning.
I definitely get your meaning! And thankfully he is right on that same wavelength. We’ve even carved out different areas of my (tiny ass) house for us to do ourselves. Or, well… you know what I mean…
OH and hopefully the pop ups are killed on mobile! I double checked and reset the rule 🙂
Congratulations. Have a great honeymoon.
Thank you John! Believe me, I will try my darnedest 😉
Best wishes for the loveliest of weddings and an amazing trip to CR! congrats to you both! xoxo
Thank you Nancy! So awesome to hear from you!!!
Nothing like an on-line bachelorette party to get things swinging. I’ll quaff a toast to the never scary bride and her new main man. May he never be a snarky link on her post of exes. Have a fabulous wedding and honeymoon!! Lots of comic blobbers and palm-tree photo opps to come! Yeah!
Hahaha seriously– the worst outcome in anyone’s life (that I know) is to become a link on one of my lists 😉 *evil chuckle*
Thank you Brenda! Many a comic blobber is on it’s way, no doubt 😉
Waiting with bated breath….
This is all a great reminder as to why my hubby and I eloped.
Well, you’ve fought valiantly through the slew of men the universe put in your path and thankfully you’ve come out working in a mental health clinic and not gnawing on the doorknob inside one. 🙂 Better yet, your feyonce lets you write about him! That’s definitely a sign of someone with a good sense of humor. I can’t wait to hear what your vows are like. Congratulations!
Thanks Jess! And oh my gosh, when we picked up our marriage license last week I still had this little thought, like… “okay, we could actually just walk like a block over and get married right now and be done with it!” Even our pastor let us know that if we went crazy he would just marry us and send us on our way. Ha. Hilarious! But I suppose we’ve come this far…
And oh yes– poor guy never knew he had a chance on whether I’d write about him or not 😉 Just kidding! Kind of. Thanks again Jess!
*choice, not chance! Time for bed…
Proud of you girl. Not making this comment about me. This week, it’s about Aussa & Alex … a harmonious alliteration. God Bless your nuptials. Happy Hugs.
Thank you so much Lori!
Enjoy the day — and your life together. Because the alternative? Nah!
Don’t even want to think about the alternative! Enjoying it is! Thanks Elyse 🙂
Congratulations! Excited for you and what crazy tales lie ahead!
Thanks Dawn! I can only imagine what lies in store… should be entertaining, at the very least 😉
Oh, Aussa, you’ve had quite the run,
At seeking wrongly for man-fun:
The man-child druggie sucking Sprite,
While you did up his laundry right;
The older creepy stalker dude,
Who liked to share, and shared YOU, nude;
The cheating schmuck, with calls from–WHOM?
Who texted best from the throne room;
>:(
But now you’re doomed, you’re altar-bound;
Fate’s Happiness will soon be found;
You’ve no more yen to run away,
You’ve got incentive now to stay.
You’ve led your Fate a lively chase,
But still it pinned you down in place;
(You’ve led your Fate a lively dance,
But now it’s gotten down your pants“?
Oh, no she DI’INT!)
😮
Feyonce Alex soon will be
The Hub of Joy for Aussome thee,
No more night terrors, no window-crashing;
A bride—A wife—How simply smashing!!
Your loving fans are crazed for you,
No one deserves this like you do;
We all wish you our loving best–
And know Alex will do the rest.
😉
Oh my gosh. I think I just split my lip from smiling. You are amazing! And a master of weaving all of this together perfectly! I don’t even know what else to say– incredible! May have to share on my facebook tomorrow 🙂 Thank you so so so much OB!
You are most welcome, Aussome Bride-to-Be!
🙂 🙂 🙂
This was a pretty encouraging post; thanks, Aussa.
How lovely, I wrote two long paragraphs full of marriage advice and they didn’t post. Is this a sign I shouldn’t give you my stupid advice?
Eh.
I’ll give it anyway. 😉
So. I haven’t been married before obviously, but from what I’ve seen from the failed unions of others, respect going both ways is an important thing. At least I think so. And also understanding each other as the individuals you are. It’s good to challenge each other to be better people, not different people.
Well…that’s the best I had. I try my best to not be too sentimental but Ausex just brings it out of me. *sobs about how cute you two are together into fourth box of tissues* Anyways! May God’s blessings abound on you both. And pleeease THAT bride. 🙂
Darn, I hate when wordpress is an a-hole and eats comments!
And I think that’s fantastic advice– to challenge each other to be better, not different. We shouldn’t absorb each other or try to change. Just be ourselves, together. That’s the goal.
And hahahahahha to your sentimentality and fourth box of tissues! I giggled. Thanks so much Gracie 🙂 🙂
My only advice is not to be too involved with social media while you’re gone. I have a sister-in-law that Facebooked the entire birth of her son. Seriously — updates every ten minutes or so – and then she apologized profusely that she had to stay offline for the last half hour, as she was in pain and pushing that sucker out. Don’t be her – she is super annoying. As for giving you marriage advice – I don’t think you want me to do that 🙂
Woah woah woah that’s crazy! I can’t imagine. Apologizing because she has to push a tiny human out of her hoohah and won’t be able to respond to ‘likes’ for a bit? Yikes.
Nope, I won’t be that bad! Probably more like “la la la here I am posting a photo because Alex gets nervous about flying (though he won’t admit it) and is incapable of conversation so I’m bored, here’s what my $19 airport pretzel looks like.”
This is old school and cliche, but “communication is key”. So is butt grabbing. If he stops grabbing your butt, there’s trouble.
Congratulations and enjoy the ride. Can’t wait to see pics and hear all about it in your awesome Aussa way! 😀
I love old school and cliche, there’s a reason that stuff sticks around! Thanks so much Elaine! Here’s to many years of butt grabbing!
Well All the Best and Enjoy yourself !!! Happy for you !
Thank you my friend 🙂
No jokes or wisecracks this time Aussa. Just my best wishes to you on your wedding day. Hope it is the beginning of perfection for you.
Thanks so much John 🙂
I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but silently to know that it can always get worse! 😉
Luckily you seem to have found a good one now. My advice? Don’t trip over your dress. Good luck!
Haha thanks for that! I managed not to trip over it and I did a fair amount of running around in it all day 😉 My brother, however, totally stood on it after he walked me down the aisle. Hilarious 😉
Ohh well, someone had to do it, right? 😀
Congratulations and much happiness to you!
Thanks Kim!
Brrrdlrrrpp
Contratulations…and you’re the one getting married, and it’s your fucking day, so bridezilla away. You’ve earned it.
Hahahaha “Bridezilla Away,” I feel like that should be a t-shirt or something. And thank you!
many happy wishes and congrats to both of you crazy kids!
Thanks so much Beth!
Here’s what keeps us sane-ish: only one of us is angry at any given time. The other one stays calm. Usually against his/her will. Only one of us is obnoxious at anytime. The other placates standers-by as necessary. I’m up a tree? He talks me down, and vice-versa. In the right relationship, this comes naturally. You’re there. 🙂 Congrats!
Thanks for the advice Carole! And that makes sense– it seems like we do this, actually. It’s always only one of us who is going off the rails at one time… definitely seems to work better that way– ha!
Sometimes you have to dig through a whole pile of shit before finding the golden ring. Seems you went though one gigantic pile which is thankfully over! Congrats again and wishing you both love and happiness!
So fecking true, Phil! But it was worth it. Thanks so much 🙂
Marriage rocks, you’re going to love it.
If I could share only one piece of marital wisdom, it would be this: small gestures are cumulative. Never forget to keep doing nice things for each other for no reason other than you just feel like it.
A lot of people have said this, and I’ve been keeping it in the front of my mind. Such good advice. I hope I do it justice. Thank you 🙂
Sorry, I replied too late, but your wedding pictures on Facebook are lovely! Congrats and enjoy your honeymoon. 🙂
Yay, thank you Sara!
I waited until after the big day but before the big post, Aussa. Congratulations to you and Alex, my friend. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I’m so glad you left all these ugly ducks and daffy babboons in this post in the dust, dear woman! Bravo. Bravissimo. See you in your BloggyWorld debut as Mrs. Alex. Yay. A toast to you both from Syracuse.
Awww thank you so much, Mark! This comment made me smile 🙂
As I am posting you are enjoying your honeymoon…..the best part!!! Best wishes to you both!
Thank you thank you!
Aussa – totally late to this post but congratulations! I got married 2 and a half months ago too, and celebrated with remembering all the shits I had dated and saying goodbye to them. I also got a really weird email ON MY WEDDING DAY from my first ever boyfriend who asked me to move to Australia with him and then ditched me when I came round to the idea. RIP douchebags!
NO WAY!!!! OMG! Did he email you on that day because he knew you were getting married? Or was it just a weird coincidence? I don’t know which is worse but I’m actually mildly surprised this didn’t happen to me based on a certain (as yet unblogged about) asshole’s past behavior. Wow. Good riddance to all those losers!
Wow, advice? This is like a vegan trying to dole out grilling advice.
Keep smiling. Keep seeing the best in your mate. Know that marriage is different from dating, in that when you devote yourselves this time, it’s for keeps. Or it’s supposed to be. Hold on tight enough to comfort but not too tight they can’t grown and fly. God that sounds cheesy. But I imagine there’s a grain of truth.
And when you’ve had enough all-inclusive food and drink … nap, and have some more.
That’s fantastic advice, thanks Eli! And I definitely took your last bit of advice to heart… omg. We would have like ten desserts between 6:30 and 9:30 every night. Ridiculous. And awesome.
Awesomely ridiculous is 99% of the time the best possible outcome.
Okay so I am totally too late because I was on holiday in South Africa when you posted this but I have to say biggest biggest congratulations and also that I still maintain that one of the best things about being married is that I never have to date again!
Here here to that! Never dating again sounds like the best outcome ever. Plus the bonus of companionship, etc. etc.
And on holiday in South Africa, eh? Jealous 🙂 Though I know it’s your home!
You are wonderful & deserve all the wedded bliss in the world! Alex is hella lucky!
Aw thanks Sara 🙂 I don’t know though, I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one.
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