Alex and I have been married for six weeks and I imagine you’re super sick of hearing about it. I promise I’ve been holding back and trying to be on my best behavior—just like he and I did for the first week or so. Now we’re back to our old ways: He’s keeping his clothes in the dryer and I have about 3 dozen K-cups stacked beside the Keurig because 18 inches is just too far to carry them to the trash bin.
The other day he asked if we could take my car when we went grocery shopping.
“Sure,” I said. “But we’ll have to stop by a dumpster if you want to use the trunk. I put some trash in there because I wanted the house to look clean.”
Here are some other things Alex has learned about me:
1. I Have Many Flaws
He was holding me, enraptured by my overwhelming sex appeal and charm, when he noticed the chip in my front tooth.
“How in the world did that happen?”
How I Wanted To Answer: Vicious bar fight, got hit in the face with a bottle.
Actual Answer: Vicious fight WITH a wine bottle. While drinking out of it.
2. What’s His = Mine Now
He walked into the bedroom, holding his comb.
“I noticed something interesting about my comb.”
*Cue my innocent wide eyed stare*
“Long. Red. Hairs.”
*More innocent staring*
“And I wondered… when did I have such long hair, and when was it so red?”
3. How I Start Every Morning
Groan. Stretch. “AHHHHHHHHH!”
Here’s what I’ve Learned about Alex:
1. He’s An Obsessive Pillow Fluffer
We were five minutes into his pillow fluffing frenzy when I realized how long he’d been doing.
“WTF are you really fluffing your pillow? Is that a thing?”
He shrugged like someone unwilling to admit they have a problem. Half an hour later we shut the light off and then I heard it again. **fluff * fluff * fluff**
That’s going to be the soundtrack to the rest of my life, you guys.
2. He Values Me Right Up There With His Food
We were post-coital and on a honeymoon-like high. He started petting me affectionately.
“I like my wife… I love my wife… I want some food.”
3. He’s Not Above Blaming The Dog For His Farts
I won’t give you any details, but suffice it to say… I’m married to a liar.
My favorite lesson so far is that we can justify pretty much anything by saying we need to do it for the sake of our marriage.
“We need to open this bottle of wine, for the sake of our marriage.”
“For the sake of our marriage, we should probably go to Africa this fall.”
“I didn’t want to buy this pair of shoes, but I thought it would be a good idea. For the sake of our marriage.”
What did you learn about your partner after getting married/moving in together? Do you keep the mystery alive in your relationships? What have you done “for the sake of your marriage?”
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