Last weekend Alex and I went to what he likes to call “The Hipster Zoo,” AKA Denver’s Night Bazaar. It’s basically a warehouse full of people who like Wes Anderson movies, smell like patchouli, and can list two dozen alternate names for geodes.
We grabbed a couple beers and stood across from a projector playing a soundless version of The Wizard of Oz while a group of intoxicated Amish teenagers swing danced to hip-hop.
The only thing missing from this scene was, obviously, the work of the devil. A sign on the wall promised tarot readings for $15, which was all the convincing it took for me to go ahead and squander my soul away. I don’t know much about tarot but let’s be real– my horrifying life could use all the direction it can get.
I asked if I could take photos “for my friends on the internet,” and she said yes.
She had me cut the deck twice, which stressed me out because I have childhood anxiety about the fact I don’t know how to shuffle cards. But apparently tarot cards aren’t shuffled because you have to be guided by The Force and/or the dark arts. You may have noticed, Psychic Readings aren’t something I do regularly…
She then turned over the first card, which represented my personal history: The Three of Cups. Apparently this means my past was full of love and joy and support from friends and family. Alex and I looked at each other like “this is the biggest waste of $15 ever because everyone knows my past is dark and treacherous and full of spindly creatures.”
But then I tried to get some perspective and realize that okay, I do have some good friends and select family members who’ve been there through the dark times. Also, as dark and spindly as things may have been, most everything still manages to crack me the hell up.
Next was my present: The Daughter of Wands. Apparently this one says I’m a fiery young woman in the middle of a creative time. If by creative time she means creatively responding to my boss’s one night stands then this card gets a 100% accuracy rating.
The next card was my future. Obviously this is the one I most wanted to know about. What’s waiting for me around the bend– Will I find creative success? Continued marital bliss? Will I finally become a mermaid? No. Because my future is THE DEVIL. And not just a normal devil:
A DEVIL GOAT.
She decided to let me draw a 4th card because “the devil is an avoidable future.” Even though this sounds like the dying words of someone who is about to be goat horned off the side of a fiery cliff, I drew another card.
It was a lion– the symbol of strength! It made me think of Aslan, which made me realize I should probably not be engaging in witchcraft or else Denver’s winter will never end and a woman in a sled will entice me with sweets so she can kidnap me.
I was still a bit thrown by the devil goat, but the tarot reader assured me it doesn’t necessarily mean I will die by goat– it probably represents negative thought patterns that I need to avoid. A part of me thinks it might be easier to avoid a murderous goat on the side of a cliff than some of the negative thoughts I’ve let take hold of me… but I’ll do my best.
Have you ever had a tarot reading? What’s the most random thing you’ve recently said yes to? Are there are any negative thoughts you need to let go of?
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