You guys know how bad I am at math, but I think I’ve been 30 for a couple weeks now. I’d like to thank the Denver weather for the extra weeks of winter it gifted us, as though trying to slow down time. But it was completely unnecessary because as I said before, I’m looking forward to my 30’s.
More specifically I’m looking forward to saying good riddance to a few things from the darker decade:
1. The way I always think I can fix other people’s issues
Okay Mom, I guess you’re allowed to stay married to a monster.
2. Embarrassment over what I want to do with my life
Dear World, I would like to write stories and only leave my house twice a month.
3. Cheap shampoo and makeup
Hi Aveda, hi Sephora, please take my paycheque and keep me from falling apart or giving birth to babies with extra arms.
4. Shitty guys
5. Being willing to wound myself for others’ sake
Love is not cutting chunks out of yourself. Love is not cutting chunks out of yourself. Love is not cutting chunks out of yourself.
6. Excuses for why I’m not doing what I want to do
Being a successful professional is overrated and honestly, no one cares.
7. 19-Hour layovers because I need to save $79 on a flight
These are the perks that come with wrinkles. You can finally afford shit.
I don’t have energy for you, please stop sending me compliments and then telling everyone to hate me.
9. The fear of actually doing what I want to do because it might work out
10. Not going to parties because I feel fat
Unless its a gala because galas are for chumps.
11. Assuming bad situations will somehow magically get better
Henceforth I shall realize people show you exactly who they are and how they operate, and not expect them to change.
12. Doing things just because it’s what “people like me” are supposed to do
Sorry, I like T. Swift and I don’t have the attention span for your favorite NPR segment on microeconomics.
13. Apologizing for things I don’t actually feel bad about.
“Hey boss, sorry not sorry I didn’t reply to your text at 9PM on a Saturday.”
14. Not following my instincts just because no one else seems to GET it
15. Wallowing in self pity
It’s time to get over how precious a victim I make.
16. Putting things off
Like starting a novel or running vinegar through my Keurig. Of course I’ll continue to put off washing my hair because that’s why God gave us dry shampoo.
17. Doubting myself
No one else knows what they’re doing either.
18. Not standing up for things when it actually matters
If you don’t, who will?
19. Holding resentments
Okay, fancy publication, I won’t hate you just because you rejected me and then put me on your mailing list.
20. Judging strangers
Even though this makes for entertaining articles on Scary Mommy, I really need to start giving everyone a break. I know I certainly need one.
What do you need to rid your life of? Do you do any of the things on my list? Should I hold on to any of them a little longer?
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