I think we could all do with a little less nosiness and a little less letting everyone know what we think of them. This horrid election, all the current events, it’s been really divisive. And then I log onto wordpress and start to labor over all my precious word babies, and I get this:
You know what, WordPress? No one asked you.
I’m tired of being judged by all the modern conveniences that are supposed to make my life easier. I use an editorial calendar from CoSchedule to write my blog posts and push them out to Twitter and Facebook. You know what happens when I slack off a bit and don’t post for a week?
Excuse me? You’re called CoSchedule, not CoAccountability, not CoJudgeyMcJudgeFace. I have enough going on in my life without you reminding me of how I am accomplishing zero things.
My fitbit is even worse. I wear this thing a couple days a month (when the stars align in that magical combination of remembering to charge it and remembering to wear it). Just wearing it makes me feel healthier and skinnier and tanner. But then at the end of the day it starts yelling at me: “Just 9,032 more steps until you reach the bare minimum goal of 10,000 steps that is necessary to not die of heart disease.”
You know who would never do this to me? My Keurig.
What ever happened to live and let live? Now it’s live and be all up in my business. Nowhere is safe. Even Snapchat* is putting on the pressure for me to win trophies or some shit. Why do I need a trophy from an app that’s just for taking photos of how miserable I am during my workday? I didn’t even care about winning trophies when I was a 3rd grade outfielder trying to differentiate between a softball and a sparrow because my parents were too busy pretending to be perfect to realize I am blind and hopeless and alone in this world.
Hey guys, I got out of bed this morning. I have washed my hair within the last 7 days and I finally remembered to buy Foil at Target last week. Where’s ma trophy for that?
Thankfully, things like this exist:
What do you deserve a trophy for doing? Who needs to stop getting all up in your biznass? Do you have any Lazy Person tips I need to add to my life?
*If you’re on snapchat, you should add me: aussa.lorens
Want to keep in touch? Find me on Facebook.