I want to listen to Mariah Carey’s “Baby Please Come Home” on repeat while doing a keg stand over a vat of hot cocoa and adorning my Christmas packages with tiny pinecones and jingle bells. But I also want to scurry back below the Misty Mountains and eat raw fish while scowling at anyone who looks at me.
Don’t worry, I won’t invite you into a circle jerk of white girl tears over why I always feel a little melancholy around Christmas. But just in case you’re like me– mourning some weird illusive holiday cheer that’s always on the edge of your periphery– I’ve come up with a list of things we can rely on to bring pure joy:
1. People falling on their arses in the snow. I’m allowed to enjoy this because I fractured my tailbone on an icy flight of stairs, thus earning reverse karma. You’re allowed to enjoy this because someday it will happen to you.
2. Babies wearing mittens. Every time we see a baby Alex gives me stern eye contact and says “NO.” Apparently making repeated comments about “wanting to eat babies” is not normal? Weigh in in the comments.
3. The Hamilton soundtrack.
4. Autoplay Facebook videos with veterans unwrapping puppies and teenagers giving their classmate shoes that fit. That ugly cry is good for you— especially if you’re at work pretending to build a spreadsheet but actually scrolling through your newsfeed with a growing emptiness inside of you UNTIL you see a cat knocking over a Christmas tree and everything feels like it’s going to be okay.
5. Trevor Noah.
I hope this helps. But if you’re still grumpy then just know you’re not alone. There are so many of us we’re like our own guilt-spiral demographic of people who feel sorry for ourselves for how sorry we feel for ourselves. We’re basically our own tribe and should probably organize around a hashtag.
But if this is actually an awful time of year for real reasons (as opposed to mine) then all joking aside— I’m sorry. It’s not fair and it’s not right and I wish I could do that Dragon Ball Z thing where they swoosh their hands around in the air and go HAAUUUUMAAAAYYYAAAUMAAAYYY then shoot power-fire-balls (?) out of their hands— except it would be healing juju and hope and a sense of peace hitting you square in the chest.
When things are bad, don’t forget that tiny little voice in the back of your mind like a passive observer taking notes without judgement. Hold onto the part of yourself that’s watching from the outside and realize that— even when we want to hold onto it— pain does loosen its grip eventually. Maybe it doesn’t completely stop hurting but when that darkness lifts there’s another side to whatever you’re feeling.
And for the rest of you— the happy jolly people with pointed shoes that dance around throwing tinsel and drinking eggnog— you are still allowed to enjoy the five things above. I guess. *beats fish against a rock then dives into moonlit pool*
What brings YOU joy this holiday season?
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