I’m rounding the corner on my first year of being in my 30s and I have to say—I much prefer this decade. Most of the clichés are true: You care less what people think and you have enough money to afford multiple tv streaming services. But there are a lot of other positive comparisons.
What you consider risky behavior
20s – Having no idea how condoms work because you wouldn’t be caught dead buying them unless you drove fifty miles away from your hometown.
30s – Picking your own investment portfolios on your employer-matched 401(k).
How you talk about sex
20s – Waiting six weeks to tell your friend about what *actually* happened that night you didn’t come home until 6AM, because you thought it was bad until something else happened that was way worse.
30s – Meeting a friend and her new baby at a highly rated dessert place so you can enjoy $9 slices of cake while discussing various consensual sex acts performed on your husbands between episodes of WestWorld.
Your money management skills
20s – Trying to decide if you have enough gas in your car to make it to the liquor store so you can buy whatever bottle of wine is available for less than the $7.61 in your checking account.
30s – Buying three bottles of laundry detergent so you get a $5 Target gift card.
Your fav method of emotional self-sabotage
20s – Driving by your ex-boyfriend’s house to see whether he’s home or whether anyone is over.
30s – Watching Interstellar for the 8th time so you can hold yourself and cry over the parent-child relationships and the ravages of time.
How you take a selfie
20s – Double fisting $3 well drinks with your girlfriend at 3AM.
30s – With a perfectly formatted excel spreadsheet that is going to help you achieve your goals.
Reasons to get excited
20s – Your friend just bought a new car she can’t afford so you should both call into your non-salary jobs and drive to the beach.
30s – the Tums you just took is berry flavored!
Your pre-date routine
20s – “Let me remove every single hair from my body and get slightly tipsy so I can force myself to laugh at your jokes.”
30s – “Let’s take my car so you can put gas in it on the way.”
Someone tell me it’s just going to keep getting better.
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