As you may recall, I had a minor breakdown a couple weeks ago. It’s embarrassing. Honestly, at this point both EVERYTHING and NOTHING is embarrassing to me.
If I were me, reading me, I probably would’ve screenshot that post and sent it to a trusted hater with the eye-roll emoji. I’m sure at least one of you actually did this but thankfully I’ve yet to develop my long-awaited superpower—which is to see into everyone else’s password protected screenshots.
Anyways. You guys saved me. Seriously.
A part of me felt like I’d just put out an open call for everyone to attend my pity party– and maybe that’s true, but DAMN if you guys don’t know how to party: The blog comments + Facebook comments + emails + messages + texts = my cup running over.
I heard from some of you that I haven’t heard from in YEARS and I swear this cold little vacuum in the center of my chest grew three sizes. Or shrank three sizes, depending on how you look at it.
Apparently I’m not the only one who’s felt this way about writing or art in general. And because of that, I want to fling your own advice back at you, just in case you need it. For the full Facebook threads go here and here or check out the comments on the original post.
“Rest yourself for a little bit. Get distracted by something else. Then when you look at it again you will see it is not full of as much suck as you think…” — the incomparable Julie
“You are right where you’re supposed to be. This is your writing journey (barf- so cliche) so ride it out, respect the need for time away from your MS, know that you will eventually get back to it, and your head will be clearer, and you will finish your amazing story. I’d love to tell you it gets easier, but I’d be lying cuz that hasn’t been the case for me (yet…one can hope), so I’ll just tell you that it’s worth it. Every self-loathing second of it. Because stories.” – Beth Teliho
“Every fail is a step towards non-fail anyhow. Fail stories are great fodder when you’re rich n fam xxxx” — Sara Litchfield
“You know you shouldn’t let self-doubt bother you, but it’s a sneaky critter. Sometimes, you just can’t contain it and it slips past your barriers. Don’t say that you will never be good enough. Instead, ask yourself, “What can I do to become better?” And then take baby steps.” — Elyse
“Think of it as letting it heal for a few and then give it some therapy the next time you take it out for a checkup 🙂” — lolaveed
“It’s like toiling away a whole year writing ten chapters then realising your first few chapters are like watching an embarrassing home movie of yourself as a child. It’s okay to take a break.“ — Gayathri Ramanthan
And the one that I most need to hear, all the time:
“You’re not dead yet. There’s plenty of time.” — Elyse
So yes, I’m slowly getting back into it. I’ve been doing all sorts of obnoxious and pretentious bullshit to try and liberate my creative soul and whatnot. I take long walks at lunch and lay on my back across stone benches and watch dappled light filter through the leaves high above, and I’m like:
Feel inspired. This is life. Breathe deep and feel things.
But mostly I’m like:
“What do I do if someone attacks me in this position?”
“wow, my stomach sticks out almost as far as my boobs.”
I’ve also become mildly obsessed with tending to my plants (and we all know what happened last time I resolved to be a gardener).
So— what about the rest of you? How’s the despair? What are you working on?
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