Aussa Lorens

Writer, essayist, and terribly curious human being

I Am Officially Unemployed

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Last Friday was my last day at the psych ward– please hold your “I’m so glad they let you out” jokes because let’s not forget: the staff are WAY crazier than the patients and the patients actually get better.  The staff?  They’re just one more decision away from a prison sentence.

At least that’s what I said in my exit interview.

I’m torn between giving you an explanation and assuming I don’t need to.  After all, why would anyone want to work at a place where the CEO makes fun of mental illness, everyone is banging each other, the doctors can’t speak English to the patients they’re treating, the guy across the hall is plotting your death, and your boss thinks the rapture is happening next week?

Me, that’s who. [Read more…]

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Make Way For The Asylum Parade

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Full Width Blog Image (55)My new boss has come up with a great idea to reduce the stigma of mental illness.  In honor of Mental Health Day in October she’s decided we should have a parade through the center of the city.  She called me into her office. 

“Aussa?  Do you have a moment to join us?”

A well dressed and frightened young man sat across from her conference table.  He quickly brought me up to speed on their plan.  He’d suggested an open house at the hospital, but she thought a parade would make more of a “splash” and be an important part of her legacy. 

“I don’t know much about parades,” I said, which was my way of saying “please don’t make me be involved in this, please don’t make me be involved in this.”

She went on to explain her clusterf*ck of an idea and I quickly changed my mind.  I DEFINITELY wanted to be involved in anything that reeks of such stupidity and short sightedness. 

Here’s the breakdown of her big stigma-busting idea: [Read more…]

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Sorry, your “Oops Text” isn’t fooling anyone

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Full Width Blog Image (3)It’s possible I have a bit of a problem with snooping.  I don’t do it with people who are within my circle of trust—like Alex or any of my friends—but the rest of the randoms who fill my living hours?  Totally fair game. 

Back when I worked for AT&T we did this all the time.  I can’t caution you enough to NEVER let a cell phone employee take your phone “in the back.”  That’s just fancy speak for “copy all your nudies and bank account info.”  It’s sad what you can learn when you have access to someone’s phone—extramarital affairs, plots to overthrow the government, debilitating credit card debt.  I’ve seen it all. [Read more…]

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