I want to listen to Mariah Carey’s “Baby Please Come Home” on repeat while doing a keg stand over a vat of hot cocoa and adorning my Christmas packages with tiny pinecones and jingle bells. But I also want to scurry back below the Misty Mountains and eat raw fish while scowling at anyone who looks at me.
Don’t worry, I won’t invite you into a circle jerk of white girl tears over why I always feel a little melancholy around Christmas. But just in case you’re like me– mourning some weird illusive holiday cheer that’s always on the edge of your periphery– I’ve come up with a list of things we can rely on to bring pure joy:
1. People falling on their arses in the snow. I’m allowed to enjoy this because I fractured my tailbone on an icy flight of stairs, thus earning reverse karma. You’re allowed to enjoy this because someday it will happen to you.
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