I think I set a dangerous precedent by spending $1000 on a dog. It’s basically like I sent a note to the universe: “Here’s where I’m weak, hit me here.” Three months later I dropped another $1200 on a dog whisperer because Zola was an absolute monster. And on it went, for the last nine years, as Zola continuously sought new ways to be disgustingly expensive by warranting multiple surgeries because “maybe it’s not cancer but maybe IT IS and don’t you want to know? That’s worth $500, I mean $700, I mean $900, oh wait look it’s not, she’s fine.”
But this year, she got more creative. She’s been watching us. She’s been learning. She knows what to expect on a typical Tuesday night:
Me: *takes package of salmon out of refrigerator, feeling okay that it costs $20 because it’s from Whole Foods which means it died of natural causes after years of therapy and essential oil treatments*
Also Me: *throws expensive salmon in trash and decides we should eat cheezits and peanut butter cups instead*
Of course, the salmon didn’t stay in the trash for long. [Read more…]
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