I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the fact that Christmas—though oftentimes magical—does not necessarily mean that everyone is feeling merry and bright. I have spent many a holiday season walking about and scowling at the world, cursing their ability to carry on with family traditions and have those things we call “loved ones.”
Until this year, my primary Christmas Tradition has been to stock up on alcohol, get schwastey-faced, and then take my hangover to whatever McDonalds is open because I forgot to buy food and only have a can of chicken noodle soup from 2011.
Some of this bitterness changed after I went away to China for a year and became self-actualized in the style of “Eat, Pray, Love.”
But mostly I just toned it down to a couple bottles of wine, as opposed to a fat box of liquor.
The holidays are hard for a lot of us. There’s so much hope and expectation flying about that we often feel as though we’re failures for not experiencing that same level of joy. Sometimes it’s bad timing and we’re left with a broken heart or a broken life and everyone else is skipping about like elves singing “Fa La La.”
It can even be something we can’t point to… we just feel blue. I remember being in 4th grade and crawling out my bedroom window when all the presents were unwrapped so I could sit in the freezing grass, hugging my knees and knowing something was just not right.
Christmas is weird.
I would so like for you all to be merry and bright—you’re my most favorite people ever. So here’s a couple holiday-related things to be thankful for, no matter what:
Thankfulness #1: If you are a cat or dog owner, you will be able to go to the store on Thursday and buy incredibly cheap torture devices for your animal. All of the antler ears and elf costumes will be marked down to clearance. Go crazy!
Thankfulness #2: The same applies for candy, and nothing erases the pain of loneliness like stuffing your face with Chocolate Santas and Snowman Peeps.
If it were possible, I’d invite you to join me and my family like some misled and bewildered foreign exchange student. We have a lot of great family traditions:
Like… Doing alarming things to babies:
And… Making my sister-in-law look like a really little person:
Christmas is weird, family is weird. I know we look happy but we’ve also torn down doors, used bricks as weapons, sworn each other off for years at a time, and referred to each other with various levels of profanity.
I’m struggling to end this post because I truly do wish I could just vomit snowflakes and Christmas magic all over you. But I’ll just say this: Be sad if you’re sad, be happy if you’re happy. The Holidays are wonderful! But… if they aren’t, then that’s okay too.
There’s also The Baby Seal:
If anyone could photoshop a Santa hat or other Christmas wonder onto this image, I just might pee myself with holiday wonder.
I’ve had to change my pants TWICE:
Arden managed to fulfill this need within like 5 minutes.
Rara set The Baby Seal up for some lovin’ with straight up Christmas Wizardry.
Are you planning to spend some time over at “Company for Christmas?” Do you have any weird holiday traditions by yourself or with your family? Is there anything grumpy you’d like to add?
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