Shortly before taking the single sentence leap into unemployment, I was still pretending to drink the Kool-Aid and help my asshole boss “build the business.” This involved replenishing our dwindling supply of employees because everyone we hired had unreasonable expectations like being treated with dignity and respect.
We originally used a recruiter—she charged $1k a hire and was really good at digging up desperate new Denverites who were willing to surrender their soul in order to survive the increased cost of living. That’s where he found me and that’s how we hired our next three employees. Who all quit.
Despite my loathing, I decided I could save him the $1K and post a job description myself:
“Startup environment” = We just moved out of his house and he’s going to ask you to do things like assemble Ikea furniture in our new office.
“Get in on the ground floor” = You will literally be ground into the floor.
“Opportunity for advancement” = As in you will advance yourself right out of here within at least 6 weeks unless you have deep-seated issues like me and like staying in bad situations long past the point of denial.
“Work smarter, not harder” = Do you mind if your boss calls at 9PM on a Wednesday because he can’t find the almond milk in his fridge?
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